Friday, October 29, 2010

It's Been a Long Time

Where did this week go?  I can't believe it is Friday and I haven't posted for over three days.  Work has been a zoo and the calendar for the weekend is stretched to its limits.

Hopefully, Barry and I will have some time this weekend for his bottom to be warmed, at least in a playful way.  We both need it.

Next week, things should settle down a bit.


Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Barry's Role in this Blog

I thought I should take a moment to share where Barry is with respect to supporting and participating in this blog.  I would like him to submit entries that share things from his point of view, but he is not very comfortable doing that at this time.  However, he supports my effort to share how we made the transition, where it has taken us, and what we are doing now.  He reviews and helps me edit each entry.  He also selects and enters the photographs that are sometimes included.  They are from his huge collection that I discovered and the photos he selects reflect his reaction to what I have written.


A Defining Moment,Part 3

So, there I was with Barry lying on his back on the bed.  The first thing I did was take a scarf from my dresser drawer and blindfold him.  I decided that I didn't want him to see what I had planned for him until I had everything in place.  I then decided that I wanted to tie him up like the men he had seen in the videos.  Not knowing what else to use, I found four of his older neckties and used them to tie his hands and ankles to the four bed posts.  He was then completely exposed and helpless, which I think is what he wanted, based on the videos he had been watching.  To make sure he understood that, I played a bit with his penis and testicles and told him to make sure he stayed put until I returned.  At that point, he was moaning a bit and had a very stiff erection (which again, amazed me since he had already had an orgasm).

I then gathered and prepared some supplies that I thought would be useful:   a bottle of baby oil, a wet washcloth that I heated up in the microwave, some ice cubes, an emory board type nail file, the electric vibrator we had recently purchased ... anything I could think of to provide different sensations.   Finally, I removed my clothes and put on some lacey lingerie which I knew that Barry loved.

I then sat on the bed beside Barry and removed his blindfold.  While I used my fingers to tease his inner thighs and genitals, we had a little talk.  However, I did almost all of the talking.  I informed Barry things were going to be different now.  I let him know that I had ways to know if he was using the computer without me present and that I could also tell if he had masturbated, since his underwear and genitals have a definite odor until he changes and takes a shower.  I shared with him that it is apparent that he likes handjobs and likes tease and denial activities.  I would now be providing both to him.  However, since I will be in control, if the decision is to "deny", that is what will happen.  I also explained that when he wants to surf the internet porn sites, I will be right at his side making sure he doesn't touch himself and that I will see whatever interests and excites him.  During all of this, I allowed my fingers to lightly roam all over his body.  He was having a very difficult time concentrating.

I then advised Barry that it was time for his first tease and denial session with me and that I had not yet decided if he would be denied or allowed to orgasm again.  For the next half hour or so (Barry later told me it seemed like hours), I used all of my supplies and my hands to keep him permanently excited, but never let him orgasm.  Before I was done, he was begging me to let him cum.  I eventually decided to allow him to do so, but I also decided to employ something I saw in one of the videos.  So, I told him I would use the vibrator on him and he could have an orgasm.  What I didn't tell him was that I didn't plan to turn the vibrator off when he climaxed. 

Once he had climaxed, I looked into his eyes and asked him if he remembered the particular video he had watched where the male continued to be stimulated for ten minutes after climax.  A look of fear came over his face.  I also asked him if he remembered what the woman had said at the point of climax.  I could tell he did as I said it to him ... "And now the real fun begins".

So, you have now heard a detailed version of what happened early in our transition to this new life style and how I took control of Barry.  I must confess that I found it very exciting.  I found that I love to control Barry.  I make sure that he is sexually satisfied, and that I am as well.  It was not easy for me, but it has been extremely rewarding for both of us.  We have continued to move forward in ways that arrouse and excite each of us; and have brought us closer together. 

In future blogs, I will attempt to share more current thoughts and activities. 

Monday, October 25, 2010

A Defining Moment, Part 2

When I left Barry kneeling in front of the mirror and said I would return, I must confess that I didn't know what I was going to do.  All I knew at that time (or at least thought I knew) was that I was going to take charge.  I also knew that taking charge would be a completely new role for me.  I really felt I could do so, based on Barry's response to what I had done earlier.

So, I walked out of the bedroom, leaving Barry kneeling in front of the mirror with instructions to not move until I returned.  I returned to the family room and the computer.  I knew I needed to figure out what he had been looking at, so I accessed the browser history and poked around.  I am not very PC savy, but I am not afraid to try things.  I have learned how to explore the browsing history and I did so, and found lots of interesting things.

I saw that Barry had explored a tease and denial type of site (I can't remember any of the specific site names at this point).  I also saw how he explored various "teases" offered.  He apparently chose the one that I found him watching when I walked into the house, so I watched it.  It was amazing to me that he wanted to watch a woman who would tell him when and how to touch his penis; and then type something into the PC to tell her he had done it and ask to be allowed to climax, only to have a programmed response tell him "No, he could not climax".  I just watched the video in amazement, entered random responses, and each time received a reply that "No, I could not cum".  I couldn't believe it, and could only think about what would make him do that. I tried to put myself in Barry's shoes and figure out what he was seeking; and what I was not providing to him.  It became apparent that he wanted/needed more sexual stimulation than what I was providing; and that he wanted/needed someone to control him.

I then explored earlier browsing history on that day.  He had been exploring an X video site and it looked like he had searched for "femdom handjobs"; and then accessed a number of videos.  I looked at several of them and found them amazing.  They all seemed to be about a male being bound in various positions and then sexually teased.  It seemed like in all cases that once the male was allowed to climax he was continually stimulated, even though it seemed to be painful to him.  In some cases, he actually climaxed a second time.  This was all new to me.  I had never seen Barry have a desire for sex after we made love before, let alone climax a second time.  Was this something he wanted?  Was it something a male could do?

I eventually decided to return to the bedroom and have a discussion with Barry.  When I arrived, he was still kneeling where I left him.  I told him that we needed to talk and led him back to the bed and over my lap.  I thought I would have his attention in that position, especially if I had the hairbrush in my hand.  I definitely did, because he quickly had an erection as I started a conversation and threatened to spank him if he didn't interact with me.  That amazed me, because I never saw him get arroused within 24 hours of having sex.  This was less than an hour and a half after he had previously masturbated and been spanked.

I talked with him about the websites I observed; and he eventually admitted how much they arroused him.  I guess that I was not surprised.  However, it hit home to me that Barry was much more stimulated manually than by my vagina.  I didn't like that thought, but it became my reality.

So ... it became another defining moment in our relationship.  I told him to lie on his back on the bed, which he did.  Much to my surprise, he assumed a very submissive position with his hands above his head and his legs spread.  I must confess that it was very exciting for me, but I also needed to figure out what to do next.


Saturday, October 23, 2010

A Defining Moment

About five or six months into our journey, a situation occurred that was very defining for both Barry and me.  We had talked a lot, had seen a counselor, and had been enjoying spanking activities.  I was working very hard to try to become a spanker for Barry and to undestand and be comfortable with his varied kinky desires.  As part of our agreement, he promised to give up looking at internet porn sites and masturbating instead of making love with me.  I had suspected that he was not being faithful to his promise, because the frequency of his desire to make love to me was again decreasing.  There were several times when the browser history file was deleted by someone other than me and I spanked Barry for it, but I don't think it made much of an impact on him.

However, things significantly changed on a Saturday afternoon.  I had a luncheon date with two of my colleagues and I planned to go clothes shopping at the mall after lunch.  However, when I arrived at the restaurant and didn't find my colleagues, a telephone call to one of them revealed that our date was the following Saturday.  So, I quickly did some shopping and headed home.  When I arrived, Barry apparently didn't hear me come in the front door and didn't greet me, which I thought was odd.  So, I quietly made my way to the family room, to see Barry standing in front of the computer with his pants on the floor beside him, and a hand towel spread flat on the desk chair, which was to his left side.  He had his back to me, and still didn't realize I was home.  So, I just stood in the doorway and watched.  He was pleasuring himself in whatever way a woman on the computer was instructing him.  I couldn't see her, because Barry was standing in front of the computer.  But her instructions were loud and clear.  She would tell him when to start, when to stop, how hard to stroke, whether to stroke his entire penis or just play with the head, etc.  She would tell him to ask for permission to cum and he would type in a request on the computer.  When it was denied, she would continue with her instructions.

I was mesmerized, but also wanted to cry.  I couldn't believe what I was seeing.  While I took all of this in, I tried to figure out what I should do.  I finally gathered my courage and announced my presence.  Barry turned to look at me and immediately stopped.  I wish I could have a picture of his face at that moment while his hand was still on his penis.  However, I remember it clearly, as well as what I said to him and what we did. 

Barry immediately stopped what he was doing and started to put on his underwear.  I directed, "No.  Don't stop!  I want to watch what you do.  I want to see how making love with your hand is better than making love with me, especially after all of the effort I have made the past few months."  I now realize that this was a defining moment for me.  I had decided to take charge of Barry and his problem.

He stood still for what seemed like forever and finally said "Please .... please don't make me do that."  He was pleading with me to not make him do something.  I now realize that was a defining moment for Barry.  He had decided to be submissive to me.

I'm not sure what I thought at the time, but it is clear that I had made the decision to take charge of Barry and he had made the decision to accept my control.

What transpired from there is also etched in my memory.  I walked over to Barry and took his underwear from him and placed his hand on his penis.  I pointed to the computer and said "Follow her instructions.  I'm going to watch closely. I want to learn".  I then sat down in a chair next to the computer desk and watched.

Barry followed her every instruction and was finally given permission to cum, which he promptly did on the towel on the desk chair.  He turned to me with a very sad look and said "I'm sorry".  I don't know what made me do it, but my response was "You are about to become very sorry".  I then directed him to go to the bathroom, clean up, remove the rest of his clothes, and meet me in the bedroom as quickly as possible.  While he did that, I obtained a towel from the linen closet on my way to the bedroom, and then found the wooden hairbrush we found in an antique shop.  I then sat on the edge of the bed, placed the towel over my lap to protect my skirt, and picked up the hairbrush.  The look on Barry's face when he walked into the room was priceless.  I didn't know it then, but now understand that after climaxing in the family room, he had no sexual desire to be spanked.  However, there I was, waiting to spank him with a heavy, thuddy implement that was not what he liked even when he was excited.   There was no erection that normally existed when I spanked him.

I pulled him over my lap and began to scold.  That is something that he likes me to do when I spank, but I normally don't do it very well.  However, at this moment I had something very meaningful to scold him about, and I let him have it as I began to spank his bottom very hard with the wooden hairbrush.  There was no playful spanks.  There was no warm up.  There was no intermittent rubbing like he normally enjoys.  I just laid into him, alternating from one cheek to the other at first and then delivering five or ten smacks to each cheek before switching.  I don't know how many I delivered or long it was.  But, I do know that I was holding him tight with my left hand and had my right leg clamped over his legs before I was done.  I also know that he was sobbing before I was done.  I had never heard him cry.  Even now, that was one of the few times that Barry has cried when I have spanked him.

When I finished and Barry was lying like a rag doll across my lap, hugged him from behind, but told him to kneel on the floor in front of the mirror on the closet door.  I walked over to him and guided his arms to behind his back.  I then told him I wanted him to remain in that position staring at himself in the mirror until I returned.  I also told him that I loved him, but that I was not yet done with him.

I then returned to the family room to explore the browser history on the PC and see what else Barry had been reviewing that afternoon.  What I found gave me the idea and the courage to do what I did next.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Fun/Play Spankings

I like to differentiate between what I call 'fun' or 'play' spankings from a 'punishment' spanking.  Most of our activities fall into the 'fun' or 'play' category, although that doesn't mean that they don't include a lot of sting and a sore bottom.  Barry is very arroused by being spanked and he has quite a high pain tolerance.  That created a challenge for me when I wanted to punish him for something.  My normal spankings weren't very much of a punishment.  I have previously discussed how I administer a Punishment spanking in the Fun vs Punishment Spankings post.

Fun or Play spankings are much more fun for both of us and we tend to use spanking as a form of foreplay once or twice a week on average.  I like to start the anticipation for our spanking fun as early as I can in the day. 

Sometimes when he is getting dressed for work, I will pull out a pair of sexy panties and tell him that I would really like for him to wear them that day.  He knows that is a signal from me that I plan to spank him that evening.  He immediately gets stiff and he tells me that he anticipates our "spanking date" all day long.  Other times, I will just grab his bottom during the afternoon on a weekend and say something like "Somebody has been a bit naughty today and needs to have his bottom warmed".  Or, I leave a pair of panties and a light paddle on the bed for him to see when he arrives home from work.  It is always fun to see his excited reaction to these little things.  It also keeps me at a high anticipation level, because I love to paddle his cute bottom.

Fun or Play spankings have a very different feel to both of us than Punishment spankings.  Barry prefers implements that are stingy and light.  Thus, I love to use lighter wood or leather paddles for our fun times.  The heavy, thuddy hairbrush is reserved for punishment.  Fun/Play spankings are usually administered in the bedroom, but sometimes in our family room.  They also are ususally quite lengthy.  I love him over my lap, but I also enjoy sitting on his back, facing his bottom.  I also love to spank using different techniques, such as covering the full width of his bottom or one cheek at a time; spanking methodically or randomly.  I will talk more about techniques in a later post.
Most importantly, we both like it when I spank in a way that provides sting .... lots and lots of sting.  I love to watch his bottom turn red and I almost feel like an artist working with a blank canvas when I start.  "What type of picture shall I paint tonight?" :-)  Shall I make one cheek red to start?  Or, shall I start at top and work down?  Or, just gradually bring his entire bottom to a brilliant shade of red.  Barry's bottom colors up nicely, but doesn't bruise, so he provides a wonderful surface to work on.  When I am done spanking, then more fun begins.  He is almost always still fully erect and ready for action.  However, we also vary what we do after the spanking foreplay, but that is also another separate topic that I need to fully address.

As you can see, spanking really provides the core to the rejuenation of our marriage.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

The First Changes

I would like to first welcome those of you who have indicated that you are following this blog; and to thank those who have shared comments of encouragement.  I am hopeful that my thoughts and words will be helpful to others, as well as to myself as I try to work through where I am and how I got to this point in my relationship with Barry.  I never dreamed that I would be doing some of the things I now do with him, let alone be thoroughly enjoying it.

I thought I would share a bit more about the spanking activities that Barry and I are currently enjoying, since it was the first major and probably the most significant change we made to rejuvenate our marriage.  After I caught Barry at the computer and discovered the history of websites he had been viewing, along with his huge file of pictures, it was very clear to me that spanking was the central part of his fantasies.  It also became clear that if I wanted to be successful in making him want to have sex with me more than the computer, I would need to find a way to be part of those fantasies.

We started out very slowly, with me trying to learn how to spank.  I had never spanked anyone in my life, and it was completely foreign for me to inflict pain on another being.  However, Barry was patient with me and constantly assured me that he would let me know if I did anything that he didn't want done to him.  I must confess that my first attempts were pretty lame.  But, as I gained confidence and saw the positive reactions it produced from Barry, I actually began to enjoy it.  It was fun to watch Barry's bottom turn red and to see his reactions

Our first spankings were definitely 'play' spankings.  We still primarily spank for fun, but the 'play' spankings have gotten much harder and longer.  They definitely provide a significant level of discomfort to Barry's bottom and leave it bright red.  We also implemented punishment spankings, which I mentioned in an earlier post.  They are applied if Barry breaks either of the two clear rules I have set for him; or if he does something which I a clearly upset about.  However, those things don't happen as often any more, probably because they have truly become punishment spankings and they are not fun for Barry.

We have spent many hours over the past few years talking about what aspects of spanking that arrouse Barry, and I have tried to incorporate everything I can into the process.  These include my dress, the implements and positions I use, the rituals I employ, the types of things I say before and during a spanking, etc.  As I continue to share posts on this blog, I will attempt to talk about many of them individually in order to explain the types of things we do and why.

Tonight, I thought I would share a little bit about some of the things I do for my pleasure when spanking Barry.  First, I have grown to love seeing him in panties, especially tight and sheer panties.  I love watching his bottom turn red through them and feeling his penis and scrotum through them. 

As part of that, I don't enjoy seeing hair, so I keep Barry cleanly shaved from his waist to his midthighs (everywhere).   Sometimes I make him do the shaving.  But most times, I do it, because I love making him stand in front of me and allowing me to use the razor on his private parts.  I also especially love spanking him immediately after shaving his bottom and rubbing after shave lotion on it.  It is so sensitive and turns red much more quickly!

I also love to have Barry in a position where I can see and feel his package, so that I can sexually tease him during the spanking, as well as evaluate where he is with respect to pain vs. pleasure.  That is more difficult when he is wearing panties, but not impossible.  The panties also usually come off as the spanking progresses.  As much as I like watching his bottom through sheer panties, I also like getting my hands on his bare behind and genitals.  Checking on him during a spanking drives Barry wild (and me, as well).
Deidre, at SpankingMyHusband.blogspot. com has a wonderful bench that she uses for her husband.  It allows her to pull his penis backwards into view while he is secured to the bench, so that she can constantly monitor his state of excitement.  I may seriously consider something like that for punishment spankings.  However, that needs to be a topic unto itself.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Rejuvenating a Tired Sex Life

When I learned of Barry's addiction to the Internet as a source of sexual satisfaction, I became painfully aware of why we were making love very seldom.  It also forced me to look deeper into why Barry was getting more satisfaction from photographs and his hand than he was from our lovemaking.  It was a very difficult reality to accept.  All of it really hurt, but I had to accept that we each had responsibility for our current situation,  So we spent lots of time talkng together and we jointly visited a therapist in a city sixty miles from our small town (we couldn't see anyone in our local community).  That was especially humiliatingto me, but I knew it was necessary if we were going to put things back together.  Barry and I have a wonderful relationship and marriage and I was determined to work together with him to save it. 

After having viewed Barry's large collection of digital photos and videos, it was clear that he was fascinated with a wide variety of kinky things.  Most of them were completely foreign to me (he had to explain a lot of things, which was quite uncomfortable for him) and some were (and still are) unacceptable to me.  However, together we worked out an agreement.  Barry would stop having sex with his computer and I would agree to try some new things, especially spanking.  Together, we would seek to find ways to make love together again.  Overall, we have each tried to honor those promises and I feel like we have each done well..  Due to his interest in spanking, Barry also agreed that he should be spanked if he did not honor his promise.  That has been necessary on occasion and the spankings have become more severe, because sometimes I think he broke the promise solely to be spanked.  That has led each of us to a another level of understanding of spanking as we have traveled this journey.

I have also grown to understand that making love is not just the missionary position.  I have grown to love spanking Barry.  I have also grown to love taking control of his genitals.  I need to provide some clarification to that, because I don't have any desire to deny Barry from having an orgasm like I see in many of the FLR blogs.  I also don't want to sound like I am criticizing those blogs.  I just need to share that my feelings are different.  I have come to realize that Barry likes me taking charge of things; and I have become fairly comfortable in doing that.  I have also come to enjoy playing and sexually teasing him.  I never realized what effect I can have on his testicles and penis.  However, I still want each of us to have a fully enjoyable sexual experience when we make love; and I realize that means I want each of us to have a satisfying orgasm whenever possible.  That is easier for Barry to achieve than me.  However, he also loves it when I can achieve an orgasm. And we work together to make that happen as often as possible.

Spanking has helped us in this journey.  If I am feeling a need for sexual intimacy, all I have to do is mention spanking to Barry and he becomes very arroused.  Simple things liking patting his bottom and saying "I want this over my lap", or saying "Somebody deserves a good spanking" cause an immediate positive reaction from him.  And, having him over my lap and seeing his reaction creates a positive reaction from me.  Consequently, spanking has become a huge aphrodesiac for each of us at the moment.

I will share more specifics as I move forward with this blog thing.  I never thought I could share these types of details.  However, I guess it is much easier writing them to an anonymous audience as opposed to sharing them verbally with a friend   It was hard enough for me to learn to share these things directly with Barry.

So, I will journey on and share. My hope is that it will help others who find themselves in a similar situation.  It is also somewhat therapeutic for me to at least share my feelings in some way.

Friday, October 15, 2010

Wonderful Vacation

Barry and I had a wonderful vacation and are still trying to settle back into the flow of everday real life since returning home last Monday.  It was good to get away and have some time to relax with each other.  And, Barry was very well behaved. Even though there was lots of eye candy available, he was very good about not staring.  That doesn't mean he didn't enjoy many glimpses of shapely bottoms (which is what truly excites him).  I don't mind that.  However, I draw the line at turning his head and staring; and he knows it.  That doesn't mean we didn't enjoy some fun spankings and that his bottom wasn't warmed a good bit while we were away.  However, they were all fun spankings.  Before we left, I did some more searching of the internet for quiet spanking implements.  I found a new idea that had escaped my attention before.  One of the blogs I found mentioned the plastic rod that is used to open and close miniblinds.  Well, we just happened to have an old set in our basement which we removed during a recent remodling project.  So, guess what I packed in my suitcase?  The two foot acrylic rod was a wonderful new toy.  It is very quiet and was easy to use with Barry over my lap.  Used lightly, it provides good sting and penetration (according to Barry) and he seemed to enjoy the effect of rapid light taps all over his bottom and upper thighs.  I did also test it to see how it would work as a punishment implement when traveling.  With harder strokes, it is still quiet, but very effective.  Barry is the one who was not quiet when I gave him several test disciplinary strokes.  It definitely got his attention and he will probably need to be gagged or given a pillow to bite on if I use it for discipline in a hotel. 

Barry and I also had some good discussions about this blog while we were gone.  I would really like him to participate and share his thoughts and ideas along with me.  However, he has not been enthusiastic about me creating it.  He is worried that we could easily be 'outed' in our community if someone reads it and recognizes anything about us.  I have tried to assure him that we will not include anything that could identify us.  I am hopeful that he will eventually make some contributions.

Have other bloggers had any problems with being outed due to details that are included in your blogs? 


Saturday, October 2, 2010

Short Hiatus

Barry and I are leaving tomorrow for a week's vacation, and will return on Columbus Day.  I suspect I won't take time to post during this time, even though we are taking a laptop PC with us.  This should be interesting, because Barry will likely be subjected to many young, sexy bottoms that will tempt his desire to stare.  He understands that the rules continue in effect.  He also knows that I am packing his punishment panties, vibrator, and an 18" ruler and a wooden hairbrush.  Fortunately, we are driving, so this will not present any embarrasing situations for me with TSA.  However, it also raises the question of how I can "quietly" spank him in a hotel.  We have tried several things in the past that we have read about online, but we have not yet found a good answer.  Most suggestions have still been louder than we would have hoped.  Does anyone have suggestions that are very quiet with respect to the implement?  Barry can also be very loud.  However, I have suggested that his punishment panties wll make a good gag if he is not quiet.

Fun vs Punishment Spankings

When I first learned of Barry's interest in being spanked, he told me that he wanted be spanked for real life events and that he wanted the spankings to be severe enough to cause a change in his behavior.  It took me a while to be able to spank Barry very hard, but as I became comfortable with it, I found that I actually enjoyed doing it.  I guess because I knew that he wanted to feel pain gave me the OK to administer it.  I also found that I like the power and control it conveyed to me.  I also learned that the moment I mentioned anything about spanking Barry, it created an immediate sexual arrousal on his part.  I quickly found that he usually maintained his arrousal throughout the spanking, which was quite surprising to me.  As a consequence, most of our early spankings were more of a "fun" variety than punishment for Barry.  I found that his behaviour didn't really change; and I suspected that he was actually purposely behaving in order to get me to spank him

So, after exploring some blogs on my own, I decided to make his punishment spankings for the two established rules very different.  We sat down and talked about my plans and he agreed with them (although, I'm not sure he realized what he was getting himself into).

Here is how Punishment Spankings are now handled. When Barry has broken a rule, I advise him that he has earned a punishment spanking and let him know when it will be administered (usually that evening). I knew from websites that he had visited that Barry had an interest in wearing ladies panties, so he must immediately put on a pair of punishment panties which I have purchased for that purpose and wear them until the spanking is administered.
 I usually supervise his putting them on, so that I can assure compliance.  Even though he knows where this will lead, he is always very erect when he changes into them.

When the time comes for his punishment, I always like to remove his trousers as part of the punishment ritual.   He is always erect.  By the looks of the dried results of his oozing on the panties, it is clear that he has been erect and excited most of the time since putting them on.  I can only imagine how he survived a day at work when I tell him about an upcoming punishment first thing in the morning.  Sometimes I wait until the morning to advise him of a punishment, just so he has to wear panties to work.  I must also confess that I love to see his hard penis constrained by his panties.  I usually can't resist teasing him a bit, both verbally and physically about how excited he is and that he had better enjoy it at his moment, because it won't last much longer.

Since Barry usually maintained an arroused level through his spankings, the next step in his preparation was implemented to assure that he would truly receive a punishment spanking.  Before the spanking begins, the sexual arrousal must be removed.  We have done this using several methods, including making Barry masturbate as quickly as possible or by my milking him, either slowly or quickly. 

Lately, I have been using a vibrator like the one pictured.  I like the fact that it seems more mechanical and it is VERY effective.  I normally use it while he is still wearing the panties,and he ends up making quite a mess of the nylon or satin material, depending of which type of panties I have made him wear.  I also like the fact that Barry seems embarrassed by me using something like this and the fact that he does not have any control over how quickly or slowly I make him climax.  Sometimes it is fun to do it slowly :-).

Once the arrousal has been taken care of, Barry is no longer very interested in being spanked, which makes it very easy to give him a spanking which will have an impact on him.  I normally take him over my knee with his panties still on, since I love to see his bottom encased in nylon or satin.  I also usually remove my skirt before doing this, so his soaked panties don't make a mess of my clothing.  Barry is usually promising to be good even before I start the spanking, because he has learned that being spanked after having climaxed is not a fun experience.

I like having Barry over my knee for these types of spankings, because it provides a better sense of close contact between us and it allows me to maintain more control of him when he starts struggling. Being able to use my leg to clamp one of his legs is extremely helpful.  I can also hold his right hand behind his back when necessary.   That is usually only necessary when I use a brush similar to the one in this photo.  He finds that implement the most difficult to handle.  This photo also provides a good example of the level to which I spank Barry for these punishment spankings.  He bottom becomes very nicely reddened, especially in the lower "sweet spot" area, but is never bruised or experiencing broken skin.  By taking away the sexual arrousal, it is easy to get his attention without spanking too hard.

 When we're done, it is also very easy to take him in my arms and comfort him and assure him that I still love him.  He is always very contrite by that time, having promised over and over again that his behavior will change while he pleaded with me to stop.  His behavior does usually change for a while, lasting longer than it did before I implemented this new way of spanking for punishments.

We still have fun spankings from time to time, which we both really enjoy.  They are always administered in a way that allows Barry to be arroused throughout the spanking, which he loves.  I normally wear something very sexy for them,
which adds to his arrousal.  I also like to have him in a position that allows me to  keep close contact with his genitals to check on and increase his arrousal level.  I love being able to play with him in between spanks.  Allowing him to rest his chest on the bed also makes it a very comfortable for him.

So, we currently use two very different methods of spanking as our primary methods, depending on whether the goal is fun or punishment.  I don't thnk Barry ever expected the true punishment type when he opened this area of interest with me.  His fantasies were very different.  However, he will also agree that it what he asked me to do.  I have also begun to add new twists to his punishment and am continuing to seek new ideas.

I would also love to hear feedback from others re: methods you use.

Friday, October 1, 2010

Getting Started

It was not easy getting started, but I was determined to actively pursue Barry's interests in spanking and discipline.  We spent a lot of time talking together, as well as reading blogs and exploring internet sites together.  The first time I tried to spank him it seemed like a disaster (now it just seems hilarious).  I had no idea how to spank someone and I was very afraid of hurting him.  This picture is probably a pretty good representation of what I was doing and how I looked.  I was pretty lame.  Thanks to Barry's patience and teaching, I have learned a lot since then and sometimes now give Barry more than he probably originally was bargaining for.  He and I have each learned a lot.

One of the things that Barry first shared with me was his desire to be spanked for real life offenses or events in his life.  He wanted me to spank him in a loving, caring way, but firmly in a way that would help him change behavior.  The only problem was that he didn't have many faults, so it was hard to find good reasons to spank him.  We settled on two initial rules that he must follow, or face the consequences of a spanking.  The first rule involved his only real fault prior to me learning about his addiction to internet spanking sites.  He has a hard time keeping his eyes off other women's behinds.  So the first rule was "If your eyes stray, your bottom is going to pay".  I told him that any time I caught him staring at someone's bottom, he would be spanked.  That rule still earns him a lot of spankings, even today. 

The second rule concerns the internet.  I told him that he is not allowed to search or view spanking or porn sites or his collection of spanking photos and videos on the computer unless I am present with him.  We look at things together!  I learned that he had amassed quite a collection of files from the various blogs and sites he visited.  It is from those files that I am including a few pictures in these posts.  My main reason for making him view spanking material only when I am present is to assure that if he is going to get any pleasuring during or afterwards, it is going to be by me.  So, he was also instructed that he is not allow to clear the internet history or temporary files on our computers.  Only I am allowed to do that, so I can monitor what sites he has visited.  I made it very clear that if I find the history cleared, I will consider that to mean that he has been visiting prohibited sites alone and he will be soundly spanked.

During our initial spanking activities, I also talke with Barry a lot about what types of things excite him, such as my dress, positions, implements, ritualistic activities.  I have worked hard to incorporate dress, implements, and techniques that help provide a meaningful spanking and will discuss more about those items in later posts. 

We have come a long way and are now incorporating various other punishment techniques into our discipline sessions.  They have come about from us sitting at the computer together where I can see the types of things that excite him.  More about those later as well.

Once we started, we have clearly been on a journey together and our sex life has now never been better.  What was frightening at first feels second nature now.