Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Understanding Barry's Submissiveness

After last weekend, Barry and I have had several long discussions.  I pushed to have them because Barry doesn't talk much unless I force the issue.  So, I pushed, he talked, I listened, and I shared.  I have also given a lot of thought to what I heard.  It has become clear (again) to me that Barry has a very submissive and kinky nature and craves for me to be dominant in our sexual relationship.  I had learned that before, but lost it during the past year when my focus was on caring for my mother.  It has become even more clear in the past few days.  Since I became dominant with him in the past, he has now been more willing to share his true feelings and needs.  We talked a lot about his sexual interests and what, he feels, are his needs.  I have shared with him that I'm not sure I can be as dominant or as kinky as he would like.  However, I love this man ... and am going to try.  We also talked about some of my needs and desires; and he is willing to try to meet them. Given his desires, if I am dominant, I can assure that he will meet my needs.  I have slowly learned the power that I possess as a female in this relationship.  It is not my nature to use that type of power, but that is clearly what Barry wants me to do.

So, we are continuing to move forward again.  I feel good about it, but also question whether I can ever meet his needs to be dominated.  One thing is very clear to me at the moment, which is that it was a good decision to lock him up in chastity, but a bad decision to tell him that I wanted to meet all of his desires for orgasm.  So, things have changed.  He is locked up, but I will control if, when, and how he experiences an orgasm.  He clearly expressed that he wants and needs me to take that control.  So ... here we go!  From what I have read, it seems like it is beneficial to limit when and how he orgasms.

During the past year when we were separated a lot, he had complete freedom with the internet and he downloaded a lot of photos and videos.  That has now changed!  However, I have also decided that I need to spend some time reviewing what he downloaded and attempt to understand his interests.  I'm not sure where that will lead, but we are where we are.  We begin a another journey together.


Sunday, July 28, 2013

First Spanking in Over a Year

It was hard for me to believe that it had been over a year since I last spanked Barry.  However, it had been until yesterday afernoon.  I hadn't realized it and I didn't plan on spanking him yesterday.  However, he forced my hand ... probably on purpose.  We had been working in the yard earlier in the day doing some heavy duty gardening.  Barry had agreed to move several shrubs for me, so I allowed him to be out of his chastity device.  When he finished the project I still had several things to do outside.  He showed me what he had accomplished and asked if there was anything else I'd like him to do before he took a shower.  I said "no" without giving it a second thought.  That was a mistake, because when I finished up and came into the house I found Larry in his home office at the computer with his dick in his hand.  When I looked at the PC, I realized that he had just started watching a rather lengthy video (thirty some minutes).  I immediately paused it and told him not to move.  I departed to get something to bind his hands behind his back, which I did when I returned.  I then restarted the video and left him to watch it with his hands tied behind the back of the chair while I went and took my shower.

I returned before the video was over and Barry was still watching with a rock hard erection about which he could do nothing.  After the video finished, I decided to give him a bit of relief (a very little bit).  I spent the next 10 minutes or so teasing him with my hands and mouth before finally allowing him to climax.  However, as soon as I knew he was starting to shoot, I stopped the stimulation.  That was part of the video he was watching when I returned from my shower ... so I thought it would be an appropriate way to end.

I then took Barry to our bedroom where I told him he was going to be punished for violating our agreement to not have sexual activity without me being part of it.  I gave him a prolonged hard spanking with our ruler paddle and hairbrush.  It wasn't overly severe, since I could tell that his bottom was tender and I knew how much he hates to be spanked after having a climax.  However, I was deliberate and slow paced as I administered a very sound spanking all over his bottom.  It was very uniformly red all over when I was done and he was begging me to stop.  When I finally finished with a flurry of 20 or so hard swats of the hairbrush at the very base of his bottom, I took him in my arms.  At that time I was surprised to hear him say "Thank you, I've missed that for such a long time".  That is when I realized that it had been over a year since I had last spanked him, and realized that his little session with the computer was probably done on purpose to get me to spank him.

We spent a long time talking last night and this morning.  We're still sorting things out, but talking is good.


Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Reclaiming an Erotic Life

As I mentioned in my last post, the past fifteen months took a significant toll on Barry's and my relationship.  Even when we were together, I was too physically and emotionally exhausted to put any significant effort into our sexual activities.  This was especially hard on Barry, but he was very understanding and patient with me.  For obvious reasons, his chastity device was not kept in use.  To my dismay, it became apparent to me that Barry became addicted once again to pornography on the web and masturbation.  However, I really couldn't object, since I was not providing him with any other alternative; and at least he turned to the computer and his hand instead of a relationship with another woman.

However, we are now moving forward.  Several weeks ago we had a long talk about how to rejuvenate our sex life and have begun taking positive steps.  Barry is back in his device full time.  However, its purpose is not to deprive him of sex, but to make sure his sexual activities always include me.  He is also again completely shaved from his waist to his upper thighs; and, at his request, I am also keeping myself neatly trimmed down below.  I am again becoming comfortable taking a dominant role and we are beginning to explore the concept of 'devotional sex', which allows each of us to focus completely on providing the other with pleasure.  I will try to share more about that later as we move forward.

Thanks to those who have commented and offered kind words of support to my last post.  It is good to be back.


Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Getting Our World Back Together

The past fifteen months have been an extreme challenge and caused me to disappear from this blog.  I should have shared why I disappeared at that time, but my physical and emotional energy didn't allow me to do so.  I don't want to go into too many details, but the challenge was finding a way to care for my mother.  We had previously successfully helped Barry's parents move into an assisted living complex; and they are doing well.  However, shortly after their move, my mother's health deteriorated rapidly and there was not an easy solution.  Luckily, I was able to take a leave of absence from my work to go and care for her.  That was the good news.  The bad news was that we had a long road in front of us.  She was going to require long term 24 hour help, which she and our family could not afford.  So, my sister (who lives near her) and I decided that we could find a way to do it.  That decision turned out to be a wonderful gift to all of us, but also a physically and emotionally draining time for my sister and me.

To make a long story short, with Barry's support I ended up traveling halfway across the country to be with my mother.  And, Barry somehow eventually found a way to obtain a new position in that area.  So, last December we moved! (leaving our beloved New England).  What we expected to be a very long haul time-wise became much shorter when my mother suffered a fatal stroke this spring.  It was a blessing to her, but I am still grieving.  I am just now becoming able to begin to return to somewhat normal living.

This entire situation was something I would have never asked for in my life.  However, in the grand scheme of life it has been a wonderful experience.  It was amazing to have to care for my mother in ways that she cared for me as an infant.  However, it also had a huge impact on Barry's and my relationship; but we have survived it and are coming out of it.  For fifteen months, my focus was my mother.  That changed all we had been doing prior to her downfall.  But, we are now getting back to being able to focus on each other ... which is another gift.

I am going to try to get back into blogging, since I think it will be helpful for me.