Sunday, October 17, 2010

Rejuvenating a Tired Sex Life

When I learned of Barry's addiction to the Internet as a source of sexual satisfaction, I became painfully aware of why we were making love very seldom.  It also forced me to look deeper into why Barry was getting more satisfaction from photographs and his hand than he was from our lovemaking.  It was a very difficult reality to accept.  All of it really hurt, but I had to accept that we each had responsibility for our current situation,  So we spent lots of time talkng together and we jointly visited a therapist in a city sixty miles from our small town (we couldn't see anyone in our local community).  That was especially humiliatingto me, but I knew it was necessary if we were going to put things back together.  Barry and I have a wonderful relationship and marriage and I was determined to work together with him to save it. 

After having viewed Barry's large collection of digital photos and videos, it was clear that he was fascinated with a wide variety of kinky things.  Most of them were completely foreign to me (he had to explain a lot of things, which was quite uncomfortable for him) and some were (and still are) unacceptable to me.  However, together we worked out an agreement.  Barry would stop having sex with his computer and I would agree to try some new things, especially spanking.  Together, we would seek to find ways to make love together again.  Overall, we have each tried to honor those promises and I feel like we have each done well..  Due to his interest in spanking, Barry also agreed that he should be spanked if he did not honor his promise.  That has been necessary on occasion and the spankings have become more severe, because sometimes I think he broke the promise solely to be spanked.  That has led each of us to a another level of understanding of spanking as we have traveled this journey.

I have also grown to understand that making love is not just the missionary position.  I have grown to love spanking Barry.  I have also grown to love taking control of his genitals.  I need to provide some clarification to that, because I don't have any desire to deny Barry from having an orgasm like I see in many of the FLR blogs.  I also don't want to sound like I am criticizing those blogs.  I just need to share that my feelings are different.  I have come to realize that Barry likes me taking charge of things; and I have become fairly comfortable in doing that.  I have also come to enjoy playing and sexually teasing him.  I never realized what effect I can have on his testicles and penis.  However, I still want each of us to have a fully enjoyable sexual experience when we make love; and I realize that means I want each of us to have a satisfying orgasm whenever possible.  That is easier for Barry to achieve than me.  However, he also loves it when I can achieve an orgasm. And we work together to make that happen as often as possible.

Spanking has helped us in this journey.  If I am feeling a need for sexual intimacy, all I have to do is mention spanking to Barry and he becomes very arroused.  Simple things liking patting his bottom and saying "I want this over my lap", or saying "Somebody deserves a good spanking" cause an immediate positive reaction from him.  And, having him over my lap and seeing his reaction creates a positive reaction from me.  Consequently, spanking has become a huge aphrodesiac for each of us at the moment.

I will share more specifics as I move forward with this blog thing.  I never thought I could share these types of details.  However, I guess it is much easier writing them to an anonymous audience as opposed to sharing them verbally with a friend   It was hard enough for me to learn to share these things directly with Barry.

So, I will journey on and share. My hope is that it will help others who find themselves in a similar situation.  It is also somewhat therapeutic for me to at least share my feelings in some way.


  1. Glad to be the first follower on your blog. Being from the Northeast like yourself, and in the field of Education....well, we seem to have much in common! Good luck.

  2. Susan,

    I think Barry is very lucky.

    You ladies are going to make teachers pets of us all!


  3. Great blog, looking forward to reading your future thoughts.

    I agree that your husband's a pretty lucky guy to have someone willing to check this out and see if it's a match with their personality.

  4. Both of you are lucky and I wish I was as lucky as the two of you, I guess I am at the stage where your husband was before you found out, wish the same thing would happen to me. Keep up the blog it is very imformative.

  5. Suzanne - Thank you for being my first follower. We do have much in common. I also just found your blog and look forward to reading it from the beginning.

    AJR - Thank you. I hope you will continue to find my posts of value.

    EJ - I hope you find encouragement in what I share and that things work out well for you.

  6. Susan,

    This is a beautiful blog and lines, wow what an expression of feelings and it is wonderful you two have come to this agreement to search your lives and enjoy a simple thing like spanking, it made our life so much better and this is a wonderful write up.

    Thank you for sharing


  7. Susan: great to know that you have found that spanking is a key to many of some men's fantasies. Simply talking about spanking gets Barry excited, as it does with many of us. Oral sex should be a part of your love making, where Barry doesn't stop until after you have climaxed.