Sunday, August 25, 2013

Update on Chastity Device and Devotional Sex

This has been a good week and I feel like Barry and I are making progress.  When I implemented the reduced use of the chastity device Barry seemed relieved that he didn't have to wear it 24/7.  However, he also acknowledged to me that he didn't trust himself to behave without it when I am not around.  He validated my concern that, due to him having a private office at work, it would be too easy for him to spend time on the internet.

We quickly settled into a routine.  As soon as Barry finished his morning shower, he was locked up to go to work.  However, when he arrived home, I was waiting for him dressed in a sensual way and removed it immediately after he entered the house.  That was always followed by a brief Pleasure Kiss.  I also made sure I purposely aroused him several times during the evening and that we had a period of time together at the end of the evening, even if it was only for cuddling.  After reading Michael's comment to my last post concerning, I also began providing Barry with a brief taste of oral sex as I locked him up in the morning and assured him that there would be more to come when he arrived home.

I also used the "Suggest" command several times this week.  I did not always grant his suggestions, but I am very aware of what his favorite activities at this time are, so I can use them as rewards in the manner Michael suggested.  I did grant one of his suggestions last evening, which was one that surprised me.  Barry wanted to receive what we call a "Good Boy Spanking".  It is one that is administered in a loving, caring way and is significant enough to leave him with a nicely sore bottom.  However, it is one which is not so severe as to cause him to lose his erection.  Hence, he stays aroused during it.  The arousal is assisted by interludes of my fondling his scrotum and teasing his bud during the course of the spanking.  Since he has not been spanked for discipline very frequently, Barry was missing time over my lap and feeling a warm bottom.  It appears that this will be a way to give Barry his "spanking fix" without it involving punishment (accept when his behavior in other areas warrants it).

This felt like a good week and that we made progress.  However, I am not ready to send Barry to work (or anywhere without me) without his device yet.  I think he and I will both know when that is appropriate.


Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Rethinking How to Use the Chastity Device

During our recent hiatus of being able to live together (when I had moved to care for a parent and Barry was alone), Barry reverted to his addiction to internet porn and masturbation.  My immediate reaction was to lock him up in his chastity device.  It was/is a very effective to stop the immediate problem.  However, as I have learned more about Devotional Sex, it feels like a better long term solution:  to cause Barry to desire sex/love with me (as opposed to the computer and his hand).  Since I have begun incorporating Devotional Sex in our life, I have seen changes in Barry.

So, yesterday, after reading comments on my blog and on the forum, I made a decision.  After we had cleaned up from dinner Barry and I sat down to talk in our family room.  I then told him to "Reveal", which meant he should remove all of his clothing.  That was very unusual for me to do when we were not in the bedroom.  He retired to the bedroom and returned without clothing.  I could tell that he was perplexed.

I then displayed the key to his chastity cage and told him that I planned to remove it, under the following conditions:

  • He would be out of chastity whenever we are physically together
  • He would still wear it when he went to work or any other time when I couldn't be with him
  • I explained to him that I still didn't trust him when we weren't together, but that I wanted him to experience an erection whenever I aroused him when we are together, I will frequently try to make that happen
The bottom line is that I want Barry to get aroused whenever I am with him.  I have come to realize that the chastity device prevents that.  So, it will be removed when I can trust him.  However, since I still don't trust him, it will be there when I'm not present.

This seems like a first step in moving towards more of a Devotional Sex environment.

Since my goal is to make him want to make love to me and not his computer/hand, I am already beginning of more ways to make him think of me whenever I can.


Wednesday, August 14, 2013

A Few Thoughts About Devotional Sex

Just a few thoughts about Devotional Sex and why I think it is so beneficial...

I really like the way it causes the male to focus on pleasing his partner in a very mindful way.  It creates an atmosphere where he gets pleasure from pleasing her.  In addition, by allowing her to determine what happens, e.g. how she wants to be pleasured and how and to what degree she will pleasure the male, it helps the male learn that his orgasm is not the primary focus of intimate time.  It also seems like by not allowing the male to orgasm every time, it will help him understand this more fully and appreciate it even more.

I also love the language used in DS.  In addition to "Knight" and "Princess", Devotional Sex has many terms in its own language which I feel create a romantic atmosphere of  devotional love as opposed to sex.  It takes away much of the sometimes crude or even vulgar language which exists in today's society and also puts the focus more on mindful pleasuring of your partner as the goal, as opposed to achieving an orgasm.

Following are a few examples that DS recommends and that Barry and I are becoming very comfortable with:

Pleasure - my vagina
Desire - Barry's penis
Adore - Barry lies with his head between my legs so that he is looking at my Pleasure from very close.
Pleasure Kiss - oral sex on my Pleasure
Desire Kiss - oral sex on Barry's Desire
Joy - intercourse
Joy Ride - Joy in the Cowgirl position (Barry lying on his back and me sitting on top of him)
Joy Deep - Joy in the Doggy position (me on my hands and knees and Barry penetrating my Pleasure from behind)

DS also has its own language for commands or directions that are used during love making.

Barry and I are continuing to experiment and it seems to be working.  We are spending time on the DS website ( most evenings, and then trying out some of the new things we read about.  He was quite skeptical when we began this new endeavor, but I get a sense that it is feeling better for him as we go along.  I like it very much!


Monday, August 12, 2013

Devotional Sex

Last week was an interesting week in our home.  It began last Sunday with me feeling quite badly about how I had handled the situation with Barry the previous evening.  I knew he deserved to be dealt with, but I was upset with myself for handling the situation out of anger of the moment, as opposed to waiting and handling it in a calm and objective manner.  However, I quickly got over that as I realized that Barry was more upset with himself than he was with me for doing what I did.  It was apparent that he felt very badly and was ready for us to make some changes.

A couple of months ago we began talking about implementing "Devotional Sex" in our lifestyle, but never really got past the talking stage.  I brought it up again this week and we each agreed to try it out.  For those readers not familiar with "Devotional Sex" (DS), there are two websites that serve as excellent resources:

  • - which provides excellent explanations and guidelines
  • - a photo blog, which may appear to be pornographic, but offers excellent examples of the mindset that DS can create between partners.
The basic concepts that we are starting to implement include:
  • I am Barry's Princess and he is my Knight.  As his Princess I solely make the decisions about all aspects of our sexual activities.  I like this concept much better than "I have the Pussy, so I Make the Rules" model, which makes the female sound like a spoiled brat and the male feel like a submissive wimp.  In the Princess/Knight model, the Knight adores and worships the Princess and wants to pleasure her and the Princess views him as her Knight in shining armor.
  • The Knight agrees to obey the wishes and commands of the Princess (as long as they are within his limits - DS is fully consensual).
  • The Princess can command the Knight to pleasure her at any time and he agrees to do so for as long as she desires.
  • The Princess also decides how and when to pleasure her Knight, although she is open to requests or suggestions from him.  She also decides if/when the Knight will be allowed to orgasm.
There are many more aspects to DS, however these are the initial few basics that Barry and I are beginning to explore.

While, my sense is that a true and full DS relationship would not require a chastity device, Barry and I have agreed that he will remain in his device at all times, except when I decide it can be removed (such as for sexual activities, time when we are together and he is under my personal supervision, or a time of special reward to my Knight).

We are obviously just getting started on this new journey, but last week went well.  We talked a good bit last night and we each agreed that it feels right and we plan to continue.


Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Assessing this Transition Time

It has become clear to me that Barry and I are in a transition time.  We took over a year out from our personal relationship to care for my mother.  I can not begin to express how important it was for me to do that; and how thankful I am for Barry's support.  However, since I am not currently employed, I have had time to reflect upon what we went through and where we are now.

Part of that reflection has made me understand the difficulty we are each having in getting back into the FLR that we had just started to enjoy.  But, we are moving in the right direction.  Sometimes it is difficult for me to be the dominant partner.  However, other times it feels very comfortable.  I had gotten to a very comfortable level before my Mother became so ill.  I am just now getting back to that comfort level and realizing how much Barry needs me to be dominant in our relationship.

It was hard for me to do what I did Saturday night with Barry.  However, it had a very positive impact upon how he treats me.  I will try to share more about that in a later post.  What I need to share at this moment is that I am seeing a huge change in him this week.  It is clear that Saturday made a huge impression on him.  We are moving in the correct direction.

This transition is difficult for each of us.  Barry is giving up control and it seems like that it is beneficial to him.  I'm learning how to be dominant again and am finding that I enjoy it again.  Being dominant is something that is very different that how I ever imagined myself ... so I have had to learn to accept that it is a good thing for Barry and me.

I hope to build on what I learned from this past weekend.


Monday, August 5, 2013

Catching Up on Comments

I am feeling a need to respond to the wonderful, supporting comments that so many of you have offered.  They have been a very special gift to me as I return to blogging.  Thank you!

The most important thing I want to do is share my appreciation to all of the expressions of understanding of what I went through regarding the end of life of my mother.  It was really difficult, and I am really glad that I did what I did.  A friend once told me that she only has one mother.  That struck me, and influenced how I wanted to respond to my mother's end of life needs. So, I need to say "thank you" for all of your expressions of understanding.

As a side note, I also want to respond to a comment that asked a question about whether we had purchased the spanking bench that I talked about.  That was a tough question for me, because I really wanted to purchase it.  In fact, I actually directed Barry to order it.  However, I had serious second thoughts.  I just couldn't deal with it being in our home and having the unknown possibilities of family not understanding it if they discovered it after our demise.

So, even though I originally wanted to purchase it, we did not.  I would still like to do so.  But, I just can't do so at this time.  I am looking for other options to accomplish the same goals <grin>.


Choices and Consequences

Saturday evening turned into a learning experience for Barry.  My plan was provide Barry with a lengthy tease and denial session (which he loves); and to then create a situation in which he would be given two things to choose from.  One choice, the preferred and sensible one, would reward him.  The other choice, a foolish and selfish one, would punish him.  Not surprisingly, Barry made a poor choice.

After dinner, we cleaned up the kitchen together and I suggested that Barry take a shower put on one of his new chemises before joining me in the bedroom.  After joining him for a quick tease in the shower, I proceeded to the bedroom where I put on his favorite lingerie:  black shelf bra with matching lace panties, garter belt, and stockings.  I then turned down the bedspread and laid out some equipment and supplies.  These included four old neckties I use to bind Barry's wrists and ankles to the bed posts, the Hitachi vibrator, Barry's Ride-On penis extension, the Spanking Buddy, my strapon and harness, a roll of one inch wide gauze, a bowl of ice cubes, a wet wash cloth that I had heated up in the microwave, tubes of lubricant, Deep Heat, and lidocaine cream, the new snugger fit condoms, etc.  These were all placed in clear view on my dresser, so Barry could observe the wide collection of toys when he came into the room.

When Barry came into the bedroom and took one look at how I was dressed and the variety of toys on the dresser, he got a big smile on his face.  I smiled back and told him that I had a special evening planned for him.  His eyes were focusing on the ties to bind him to the bed, which didn't surprise me.  I know how much he loves it when I secure him face up and spread-eagled on the bed.  He was already sporting an erection just from looking at me and the toys.  I told him that I hoped he was well-rested and ready for an intense time.

I suggested we start with a playful spanking to get his blood flowing.  After removing his cage, over my lap he went and I used the Spanking Buddy in a firm and playful way to redden his bottom and get him wiggling.  It was then onto the bed where I firmly secured him with the old ties and used the gauze to create a binding around the base of his penis and the top of his scrotum.  I had never done this before, but recently read on a website that binding a male in this way can assure the erection is maintained and can delay the ability to orgasm.  So, I thought I would give it a try.  For the next thirty minutes or so, I used my hands, mouth, and vagina, along with the ice cubes, warm wash cloth, and the Hitachi to tease and torment Barry, repeatedly bringing him to a high state of arousal and then letting him down.  Since he loves to look at my bottom, I made sure that it was frequently inches from his face, where he could see, but not touch.  This is the type of foreplay that Barry loves and it really had him going.  Long before I was ready to stop, he was pleading with me to allow him to orgasm.

He was now ready to have to make a decision.  I explained to him that I really didn't want him to orgasm tonight, but to show some self-control.  To offer some encouragement to do so, I told him that if he waited until the next night, I would repeat the fun we had tonight and then provide him with an orgasm in whatever way he most desired.  I even went so far to state that it could include a visit to my back door, which I know he loves (and I very seldom allow).  As he began to plead for me to allow it tonight, I explained that if he felt he had to have an orgasm tonight, it would have to be solely by masturbating in front of me.  I was disappointed, but not surprised that he chose the second option, claiming that he just couldn't wait.

I told him how disappointed I was with his choice, but I would keep my word and allow him to masturbate after I had a little more fun with his penis.  I then placed a hand towel over his eyes so that he couldn't see what I was doing.  Telling him that since I was sorry this his balls ached so much for an orgasm, I would try to provide him some additional help for that aching.  I then rubbed a little of the Deep Heat onto the surface of his scrotum (which was still bound with the gauze).  It felt cool to him at first and he starting moaning with delight.  However, the moans quickly sounded more distressful as the heat starting to kick in.  I didn't rub much on, but just enough to cause some discomfort that would last for a while after he masturbated.

I then began to rub some lidocaine cream all over the shaft and glans of his penis.  I wasn't sure how much to use, but I wanted to make sure it would have the desired effect of numbing his penis, so I was quite generous.  I explained that I was lubing it up for him.  I then told him I needed to use the bathroom and would be right back.  I took my time and returned in fifteen minutes, since I wanted to provide sufficient time for the lidocaine cream to begin to work.  Upon return, I rubbed on a little more just to be sure and to tease him a bit more.   I then told him I was going to put one of our new condoms on him so that he wouldn't make a mess on our bedding.  The snugger fit style we purchased was significantly slimmer in diameter and provided a very firm fit to his penis.  Removing the towel from his eyes, I asked if he still wanted to masturbate.  The preparation of his penis only served to arouse him more, so I was not surprised when he said yes.  I then shared with him that I would untie his left hand and he must masturbate left handed for me while still being bound to the bed.  He didn't expect that and I could tell that he was not pleased.

However, as soon as I freed his left hand, it was straight to his cock and he started to stroke.  Left-handled was quite awkward for him and it showed.  It was also very amusing to watch the look on his face when he realized that he was not feeling much in his penis.  He began to stroke harder and faster and it quickly became apparent that he was having a hard time reaching an orgasm ... which is exactly what I had hoped would happen.  I wanted there to be a very negative consequence of his choice to masturbate rather than waiting a day for me to make love to him.  I didn't time him, but it must have taken him well over five minutes to achieve an orgasm.  By the time he finally did, he was stroking wildly and was clearly frustrated.  As soon as he started climax, I grabbed his hand and made him stop stimulating.   He immediately protested, but since his other hand was still bound, he couldn't do anything to stop me.  As he lay on the bed, I untied his penis and scrotum and kept him bound to the bed for a few minutes, while I used the wash cloth to clean up his penis a bit before putting his cage back on.  During this process we discussed the consequences he just experienced for exhibiting no self-control and making a very poor decision.  I told him that I hoped he would make a better choice the next time he is unlocked and offered an opportunity for he and I to make love together.

We will continue to grow together,

Saturday, August 3, 2013

A Fun Trip to the Mall

This morning was our time to go shopping and purchase new lingerie for Barry.  I had a great time; but Barry, not so much <grin>.  We first visited our local mall which has a JCPenney and a Macy's.  It is nice to be new in a heavily populated area where I don't have to worry about anybody recognizing me.  That allowed me freedom to be daring in public and create more embarrassing situations for Barry.  For some reason, I have come to enjoy doing that.  Consequently, I became very demonstrative as we surveyed the various panty options available.  Although I know Barry's size (he has kept his weight off and can wear the same size I do), I made a point of holding up a couple of different sizes to Barry's cute little bottom to judge how they would fit.  I also openly kept asking him questions about which styles he found more comfortable to wear, based on the last collection we had.  There were enough people in each store on a Saturday to assure that we were observed and overheard.  Besides picking out several different styles and colors at each store, I also found two chemises that he will wear for sleeping.  One even had a matching panty.  In each store, I conveniently handed our selections to Barry as we approached the checkout desk, telling him that I needed to visit the ladies room.  I had done that before and knew how embarrassing that Barry found it.

We had planned to go to Victoria's Secret as well, but I decided to save that outing for another day.  I still want to find a sturdy garter belt for Barry to be able to wear with stockings under his business clothes.  Since we already had two fun store experiences today, I thought it would be fun to save that for later.

On the way hope I told Barry that we also needed to stop at a pharmacy to get some things for a special evening tonight.  He was immediately enthusiastic.  As we entered the store, I shared with him the things I wanted him to purchase:  condoms, personal lubrication, and lidocaine cream.  I knew that he would think the first two items were desired because I would allow him to have access to my back door (that is the only time we use condoms).  We have never purchased lidocaine before, and he didn't ask about it, but I suspect he thought it was to make me more comfortable  Little did he know what I really have planned for tonight.  I again had some fun with him in the store.  When he was picking out the normal brand of condoms we have used in the past, I noticed a brand that offered a  'snugger fit' option.  I couldn't resist telling him that I wanted to purchase that brand, so we wouldn't have our usual problem of the condom slipping off.  There were several people near by and Barry immediately turned beet red.  That gave me the opportunity to open my mouth some more and tell him not to be embarrassed, size doesn't matter.

So, we arrived home and had a late lunch and a quick fashion show.  I then suggested to Barry that he get some rest this afternoon, because I have a special evening planned for him after dinner.  He took my advice and is taking a short nap as I compose this post.

He is in for quite a surprise tonight.


Thursday, August 1, 2013

Taking Charge Again

This has been a tough week.  Since setting new ground rules Tuesday night about if and when he will receive sexual pleasure from me, Barry has been very grumpy.  Wednesday night he acted like a spoiled child who didn't get his way.  I tried ignoring him, hoping that his attitude would improve as he got used to being in chastity again.  However, last night was even worse, even though I allowed him to have some time on the computer (with his chastity device in place, of course).  That only made matters worse.  He complained how uncomfortable it was for him to become aroused while wearing the device (Gee, whose fault was it that he was aroused?).  Consequently, I decided it was time to more fully take charge.

Taking him by the ear, I led him into our bedroom and told him that I was fed up with his childish, boorish behavior and that he had earned a punishment spanking.  I directed him to bring me the lexan paddle while I went to his dresser to get his red punishment panties to wear.  Surprisingly, I couldn't find any panties in his underwear drawer.  The only undershorts present were the new briefs he had purchased while I was away taking care of my mother early in the process.  When he returned with the lexan paddle, I asked him about his panties, he again claimed that he didn't find them when he unpacked all of his clothes.  However, later, during his spanking, he admitted that he had thrown them out prior to the move.

After making him strip and put on a pair of panties, I sat on the bench at the foot of our bed and took him over my lap.  I took my own sweet time getting him into position and asking him if he was comfortable.  I told him that I want to make sure he was, because he was going to be there for a long time while we have a serious discussion about his attitude and some new rules.  Using the lexan paddle firmly and methodically, it didn't take long for me to have his undivided attention.  One nice thing about the lexan is that it doesn't take much effort to have an impact.  It does all the work!

By the time we were done, which must have been a half hour later, Barry was begging and pleading for me to stop and promising me anything that he thought would help.  We came to an understanding about who was in charge of his sexual pleasure, the fact that his internet surfing time would not be severely limited to now more than a 1/2 hour at a time and no more than 2 total hours a week, and that he was going to return to wearing panties all of the time.  When I finally let him up, the first thing he had to do was throw out all of his briefs that he had bought while I was away during the past year.

This morning when Barry returned from taking his morning shower, I had laid out a pair of my sexiest panties and a pair of thigh high black stockings for him to wear to work.  I explained that the stockings were going to be an extra reminder to him all day long of who was now in charge in our household.

It was not easy for me to assert my dominance so strongly, but I had finally come to the realization that I needed to do it and assume complete control to help him make the transition more easily.  We'll see if it has a positive impact on his behavior when he returns from work today.  I plan to let him know tomorrow night that we will take a shopping trip on Saturday to replace the panties that he had disposed of.