Monday, November 24, 2014

What is Devotional Sex - to Susan and Barry

In a recent comment, "lovetosubmit"asked the following question:

  • I've seen the devotional sex blog a bit. But could you go into a little more detail as to what your take on it is? Is it basically sex is for the wife's pleasure? Is it femdom? Seems like a bit of a mix.
I thought this might be a good topic for this post.

For Barry and me, Devotional Sex has been a new way of looking at sex and making love.  Before I learned of Barry's strong desires to be spanked and his submissive nature, we were stuck in a very old fashioned way of expressing our love for each other in a sexual way.  I felt compelled to allow Barry to have sex with me even if it didn't give me much pleasure.  And, Barry looked at sex with one goal.  He wanted to have an orgasm.  If he provided me with the ability to orgasm, that was a side benefit.   It was awful, especially for me.

Once I learned of what I initially thought were Barry's unusual kinky needs, and realized that I needed to embrace them, a new world opened up to us.  We began to communicate and be honest with each other about how we felt about sex.  When we discovered and talked about "Devotional Sex" it opened more new doors.  We realized that the goal should be to focus on pleasing each other.  To us, that was the "devotional" part.  

My sense is that the Devotional Sex concept of putting the female in charge of sex is a way of overcoming that old-fashioned perspective of sex is primarily for the male.  For Barry, it was a no-brainer because he loves to be submissive.  It was initially difficult for me to make the transition and take charge.  However, I have done so.  I now love being in charge and Barry loves me assuming that role.  I have also come to realize that keeping Barry very horny is a good thing.  We have also each learned that by desiring to please each other we each reap great benefits.

So, to try to find a way to sum things up, Devotional Sex for us is a tool that allowed us to realize the important thing is for us to focus on pleasing each other.  We are continually finding out how best to do that, which I will try to share in this blog.  For us, it is not femdom.  But I also have to admit that I am difinitely dominant, which is what Barry wants.  The reason I say it is not femdom is because I interpret that word to mean a 'bitchy, mean woman'.  That is not me.  But, I have learned to be in charge in a loving and caring way, because that is what Barry needs and wants.

I hope all of this makes sense to those who read it.  This is not an easy subject to explain.  I'll keep trying.

Susan

PS ... Thank you  "lovetosubmit" for your question.  I hope I have begun to answer it.


Friday, November 21, 2014

House Rules

During my sabbatical from blogging I received several emails from readers with questions about the rules that I require Barry to follow.  I apologize for not being responsive to those questions during that time and I thought I would try to address them in this post.

Barry and I have each agreed to a number of house rules that we feel make our relationship stronger and more enriching.  These include:
  • Devotional Sex is our primary guide for sex and making love.  Barry will be my Knight and I will be his Princess.
  • Whenever we disagree about something (which is OK), we each must be respectful of each other and their opinion.
  • No whining about anything.
  • Barry must keep his private area and bottom clean shaven at all times.  He is primarily responsible for shaving as needed.  However, I will frequently assist him.  (I love using shaving cream and a razor down there and enjoying the baby smooth results, especially when it comes to spanking a just shaven bottom.)
  • Barry where's women's panties at all times for underwear (given his pantie fetish, he actually enjoys this most of the time).
  • I will allow Barry to shave and groom my pubic hair as long as he leaves a normal looking triangle.
  • Barry is not allowed to masturbate without my specific permission and usually my presence.  This is one of the hardest rules for Barry to follow, so he frequently voluntarily wears a chastity device.  I do not require that, but he finds it helpful in achieving compliance.
  • Barry must limit his internet activity to only websites which I have approved unless I am present with him.  This is another tool to help him achieve compliance with the "no masturbation" rule.
  • In order to facilitate monitoring Barry's internet activity, he is not allowed to delete any browsing history from our computer.  If I find that the history has been altered, it is considered prima facie evidence that he violated the previous rule.
  • Since his serious medical condition occured, I attend all medical appointments with Barry.  I will write more specific information about this rule in a later posting.
  • Since we both retired, we have divided the housekeeping duties.  Barry's responsibilities include:  weekly vacuuming, weekly cleaning of the kitchen, daily breakfast dishes,  daily helping with dinner dishes, daily help with dinner preparations.
  • Violation of any of the rules by Barry is a spankable offense, the time and severity of the spanking to be determined by me.  Barry also agrees to accept a punishment spanking from me at at time for any other behavioral issue for which I feel he deserves to be spanked.
  • Violation of the 2nd and 3rd rules (respect and whining) by me are spankable offenses, the time and severity of the spanking to be determined by Barry (I have not yet violated these rules).
We will continue to fine tune these rules.  Spanking has always proven to be a very effective punishment for Barry, once I committed myself to administering a true punishment spanking when appropriate.  These type of punishment spankings aren't required nearly as often any more.  However, they occasionally become necessary.  Most of the spankings that Barry now receives are of the fun variety, which we each enjoy.

Best wishes to all for a Happy Thanksgiving and travel safely if you are on the road.

Susan

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Making Devotional Sex Our Own

During my sabbatical from blogging as we each recovered and learned from our health situations, Barry and I had time to more fully explore Devotional Sex and found that we could make it our own.  I think it was good that I was not blogging, because I spent no time trying to write about it or wondering what others would think about what we were doing.  Instead, Barry and I just talked about what we were doing and how we felt about it.  We learned what was important to each of us and where the boundaries were.  It was wonderful.

The concept of Devotional Sex made a lot of sense to each of us because it led to a lot more sex.  Barry initially had some difficulty adapting to the fact that it meant less penetration and fewer orgasms.  However, he eventually realized that more sex was better, even if it was in different ways.  He has a very strong submissive nature, so the aspect of me controlling when and how we had sex was ok for him.  He also quickly realized that I was working hard to make sure I did things to please him.  That made him want to focus on ways to please me.  We could then just build from there.  I must admit that I had to learn to become comfortable with playing a more dominant role in controlling everything, but as I gained comfort, I found that I loved that role.

I think it also helped that we had moved from a very small New England community where we each had very public occupations and were constantly aware of what anyone learned about us.  We lived in a fishbowl and it was scary at times.  Since moving to a much larger urban area in the midwest and have also retired, we can now be much more anonymous.  It is now more comfortable and safe to do what feels right for us and not have to worry about what others might find out about us.

We have now developed a system of Devotional Sex that works very well for us.  It is not the pure form of DS that is shared in the DevotionalSex.com website.  However, it is what works for us.  We utilize a bit more FLR than what DS would admit must occur.  Barry is probably also more submissive than what is portrayed.  And, we incorporate more kinky and fun sexual activity.  That is how I keep Barry on edge, frequently aroused, and focused on pleasing me.  And, I have grown to love that kinky edge to things.  Again, getting away from our fish bowl jobs and living situation in New England has freed me to be myself.

The best thing about Devotional Sex is that it allows us to be much more open and willing to focus on pleasing each other.  We are no longer looking for only our own pleasure.  Instead, we realize that by each trying to please each other, we will each be rewarded and pleased ... which makes us want sex much more frequently and it is more intense.

I apologize if I have rambled too much in this post.  It is hard to explain what we do and why we do it.  Hopefully as Barry and I try to share more specifics of what we do, things we become more clear.

Susan

Sunday, November 16, 2014

Where Have You Been Susan?

Whenever I reconnect with a life-long friend after a lengthy absence, she always greets me with "Where have you been Susan?".   And her question always carries a tone that is implicitly also asking me to provide an accounting of my life during the absence.  That is not always an easy thing to do.  However, since I've made the decision to return to blogging, I realize that perhaps my initial posts should at least attempt to address that question.

I also feel a need to apologize to my readers (if there are any of you left) for disappearing for so long without any explanation.  I did not intend for that to happen.  However, shortly after my last post, Barry developed a major health situation which was scary and life threatening.  He is fine now, but it was scary for a while.  Within three months of his situation, I also developed a major health issue.  I, too, am also fine now.  However, those two incidents were life changing for both of us.  It brought our mortality to the forefront and caused each of us to re-evaluate how we look at life and what is important to us.  We both realized how important life is to each of us; and how important we are to each other.  We have made a number of decisions to allow us to attempt to not only live longer, but to enjoy life and each other to its fullest.

One of the first decisions we made was for each of us to fully retire (at an earlier age than we ever anticipated).  We consider ourselves extremely lucky to have that as an option.  We also made the decision to make every possible effort to fully enjoy each other and the life we have together.

One of the first changes we made was to more fully embrace the basic concepts of "Devotional Sex" (See devotionalsex.com).  We had experimented with some of its concepts before.  However, we had not fully embraced it.  While we have made some modifications to what the author of the above website specifies, we love the basic concept and it has brought our sexual intimacy to a new level.

Another decision I recently made was to return to blogging to share our ongoing experiences and journey.  I have come to the conclusion that it is important for me to do that.  Barry has also indicated that he will attempt to share more openly with his own posts, so it will become a joint effort by the two of us.  Our sexual journey has been an interesting one and life's recent events made us realize how lucky we are to be on that journey.

My/our first few blog entries will attempt to explain some of our activities and feelings regarding devotional sex.  We'll then see where the blog leads us as we move forward.

Its good to be back.

Susan

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Getting My Attention

During my last post I alluded to Barry reverting to some previously dealt with unacceptable behavior in order to get my attention.  This behavior occurred last Friday night when we went out to dinner at a restaurant we hadn't tried since we moved to the mid-West.  Early in our spanking journey Barry had the habit of overtly staring at the breasts or (especially) bottoms of attractive waitresses.  A few very severe spankings seemed to correct his desire to do this.  Also, since we began practicing Devotional Sex, my sexual teasing of him before we go out and usually not wearing panties on these occasions kept his attention focused on me.

Consequently, since he was quite horny for me when we left for dinner that night, I was very surprised to see his focus of attention be directed so intensely on the bottom of the hostess in the restaurant.  When we were seated, he took the seat with the best view of the restaurant (he normally offers it to me).  He then proceeded to ogle the young woman every time she walked through the restaurant to seat parties.

I light heartedly reminded him with an expression I had previously used .... "If your eyes stray, your bottom will pay".  That didn't seem to phase him.  So, on the way out of the restaurant, as we walked by the hostess station, I commented to Barry in a voice loud enough for her to hear "Since you couldn't keep your eyes off the hostess' bottom tonight, when we get home your's is going to be spanked so hard that you won't enjoy sitting down tomorrow.

During the drive home we had a lengthy discussion about Barry's behavior and how surprised I was by it.  I slowly learned from him that he was just trying to get my attention and give me a reason to give him a good spanking.  He expressed his periodic need for a good sound spanking, but did admit that he preferred it not to be as hard as some of the worst ones I have previously given him.

Well, when we arrived home, I don't think I failed to disappoint him.  I spanked him not for staring at the hostess' bottom, but for not openly sharing his sexual needs with me.  The end result was a very red and sore bottom.  However, since it was administered relatively slowly, it did not result in tears or significant bruising.  And, afterwards, our devotional time was intense and resulted in Barry being allowed to climax.

In the future, I hope that neither one of us as to resort to such extreme measures to get the other's attention about our sexual needs.

Susan

Sunday, October 6, 2013

Allowing our Relationship Grow

It has been almost a month since I last posted, which has been intentional on my part.  After my last post I came to the realization that I was spending too much time thinking about and trying to move our relationship closer to a pure Devotional Sex lifestyle.  All of a sudden it dawned on me that it would be more beneficial to just allow our relationship to grow in whatever way made the most sense to both Barry and me.  It is not that DS wasn't working.  It was.  However, other aspects of our relationship (spanking, Barry's submissive needs, and exploring mutually agreed upon kink) also are a big part of who we have become as a couple.  I found myself trying to minimize the latter in pursuit of DS.  It all came together when Barry started reverting to some previously corrected bad behavior (overtly ogling other women in my presence).  When I realized that he was doing it solely to get me to spank him because he needs that in our relationship I woke up.

So, I decided to back off being so analytical and posting so much .... and just let our relationship take a natural course for a few weeks.  That has proven to be a good decision because it has allowed me to be more in tune with Barry's wishes and needs, as well as more effective in sharing mine with him.

After almost a month, I am finding us moving into a blended concept of DS with our other needs and desires.  I guess if you label a full fledged female dominant relationship as Fm (capital F to represent the fully dominant woman and lower case m to indicate the fully submissive male), and you label a DS relationship as fm (italicized f for the Princess who is special, but not dominant and lower case m for the equal, but devoted male), then I would label our relationship as fm (bold and italicized f for the special but somewhat dominant female and lower case m for the submissive male).  That is where Barry and I seem to be at this time.  We practice many aspects of Devotional Sex.  However, I also recognize and fulfill Barry's submissive nature by being appropriately dominant and/or controlling.  And, we each recognize our desires to explore and enjoy kinky activities that are mutually agreeable.

So, I anticipate that we will continue move forward in that regard.  I also plan to stop analyzing everything we do and to stop trying to label our relationship.  It is more important for us to just find what mutually works for each of us.

Susan

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Changes in the Bedroom

In a comment he posted to my last post Michael from Devotional Sex asked:  What I would be interested to find out more about, if Susan is willing to share, is how Devotional Sex has changed the activities and feel of what happens when you are together. What new things are starting to become your new normal? etc

I think the biggest change in our bedroom is the fact that sexual activities are now about both of us and not just Barry.  Prior to our discovering the Devotional Sex concept, he was more dominant with respect to how we approached sex than I was.  It was almost always intercourse and he always experienced an orgasm, while I seldom did.  Now that I set the activity, tempo, and end result, our activities are much more varied and definitely more satisfying to me.  It has taken Barry some time to adapt, but I feel like he is now also enjoying it even when he doesn't have an orgasm.  Since Barry has quite a submissive side to his personality, he actually likes me being more in control.  Interestingly, we have added a greater variety of kink to our activities than we enjoyed before.  Previously, Barry directed the type of kink we tried.  Now, I play a role in it as well.  During the past two years I have discovered that I enjoy some aspects of kinky activity as much or more than Barry.

I continue to realize that we are not really experiencing the full DS concept.  However, I feel like we are taking the best of all worlds.  Given Barry's submissiveness, being my Knight and serving his Princess is a natural fit for him.  He now takes great pride AND pleasure in making sure I am sexually satisfied.  I also take pride and pleasure in being able to mix things up with him and have us each perform in a way that is very comfortable and satisfying to me.

With respect to the kink aspects of our play, I have come to heavily utilize the "Suggest" and "Choose" commands.  "Suggest" allows Barry to have some input, but not control; and it allows me to learn what really excites him.  That way, if I choose to do so, I can provide him with very meaningful pleasure.  "Choose" also allows me to create some excitement when I wish to do so.  For example, I know that there are a couple of things that Barry 'loves to hate':  i.e. post orgasm stimulation and consuming his own cum.  The thoughts of each arouse him.  However, once he has climaxed he hates them both.  So, if Barry suggests something that I know he loves, such as a receiving oral sex or taking me doggy style, I might then tell him that I agree to do it, but that he must choose between the post orgasm stimulation or cum consumption when we finish; or he can choose for us to not do what he suggested.


Another change is the role that spanking plays in our life.  It was originally primarily used as punishment for Barry, especially with respect to masturbation and disrespecting me.  At Michael's suggestion, I have used rewards as an effective way to deal with the masturbation addiction; and the disrespectful behavior has all but disappeared as Barry has assumed the role of my Knight.  Now, spanking is used as an erotic tool.  We spank each other in a way that keeps us aroused and stimulated and we each really enjoy being on the receiving or giving end.  Only occasionally has spanking been used as discipline in the past two months.  Since it was such an integral part of our sexual journey for the past two years I will attempt to share more about spanking in a separate post.

Susan

Sunday, September 8, 2013

Mixing Chastity Control and Devotional Sex

It's been an interesting two weeks since I last posted and a lot has happened with respect to how Barry and I work together with respect to Devotional Sex (DS). It is a concept that we each embrace and find to be helpful in our relationship.

My main efforts during the first of the past two weeks were to continue trying to find a way to remove the need for Barry to wear his chastity device.  I had already implemented the first step, which was to not have Barry wear his device when we were together and that worked well.  The next step was for Barry to gain confidence and to me gain trust in his not needing the device when he went to work or when I was not around at home. I approached that challenge using suggestions from Michael at DevotionalSex.com. I provided lots of incentive to Barry to be able to want to give up the device in order to continue enjoying things he loves.

We were making progress and Barry went to work several days without his device.  I was also absent while Barry was home alone a week ago without his device.  That was not a good experience for him.  He couldn't deal with it.  He even called my on my cell phone at one point while he was masturbating.

When I arrived home, we had a long conversation.  What really hit home to me was when he asked me "Why do you feel I shouldn't have my device to help me?"  That made me realize that I was trying to achieve what I think of  as "pure" DS ... which means no chastity device.  It hit home even more when Barry told me that he likes to wear his device.  He explained that, to him, it is a symbol of his devotion to me.  It is a 'mark' that he wears to remind him of his devotion to me ... and it helps him maintain that devotion.  He also admitted that he needs the device to maintain that devotion, especially when he is 'home alone'.

So, what we came up with is a very modified version of DS and how we treat the use of the chastity device.  The use of the chastity device is Barry's responsibility.  I don't keep the key.  He does.  He puts the device on when he feels he needs it or wants it.  If he does so when he goes to work, he leaves the key on his dresser.  However, at my request, when he wears the device while at home when I am away, he leaves the key in my lingerie drawer.  That way, if he considers removing it, he has to think of me even more as he retrieves the key.  He really liked that idea.

At this point it seems to be working.

We continue to grow together, as we listen to each other.  Since we are not 'spring chickens', this seems very important to me.

Susan

Sunday, August 25, 2013

Update on Chastity Device and Devotional Sex

This has been a good week and I feel like Barry and I are making progress.  When I implemented the reduced use of the chastity device Barry seemed relieved that he didn't have to wear it 24/7.  However, he also acknowledged to me that he didn't trust himself to behave without it when I am not around.  He validated my concern that, due to him having a private office at work, it would be too easy for him to spend time on the internet.

We quickly settled into a routine.  As soon as Barry finished his morning shower, he was locked up to go to work.  However, when he arrived home, I was waiting for him dressed in a sensual way and removed it immediately after he entered the house.  That was always followed by a brief Pleasure Kiss.  I also made sure I purposely aroused him several times during the evening and that we had a period of time together at the end of the evening, even if it was only for cuddling.  After reading Michael's comment to my last post concerning, I also began providing Barry with a brief taste of oral sex as I locked him up in the morning and assured him that there would be more to come when he arrived home.

I also used the "Suggest" command several times this week.  I did not always grant his suggestions, but I am very aware of what his favorite activities at this time are, so I can use them as rewards in the manner Michael suggested.  I did grant one of his suggestions last evening, which was one that surprised me.  Barry wanted to receive what we call a "Good Boy Spanking".  It is one that is administered in a loving, caring way and is significant enough to leave him with a nicely sore bottom.  However, it is one which is not so severe as to cause him to lose his erection.  Hence, he stays aroused during it.  The arousal is assisted by interludes of my fondling his scrotum and teasing his bud during the course of the spanking.  Since he has not been spanked for discipline very frequently, Barry was missing time over my lap and feeling a warm bottom.  It appears that this will be a way to give Barry his "spanking fix" without it involving punishment (accept when his behavior in other areas warrants it).

This felt like a good week and that we made progress.  However, I am not ready to send Barry to work (or anywhere without me) without his device yet.  I think he and I will both know when that is appropriate.

Susan

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Rethinking How to Use the Chastity Device

During our recent hiatus of being able to live together (when I had moved to care for a parent and Barry was alone), Barry reverted to his addiction to internet porn and masturbation.  My immediate reaction was to lock him up in his chastity device.  It was/is a very effective to stop the immediate problem.  However, as I have learned more about Devotional Sex, it feels like a better long term solution:  to cause Barry to desire sex/love with me (as opposed to the computer and his hand).  Since I have begun incorporating Devotional Sex in our life, I have seen changes in Barry.

So, yesterday, after reading comments on my blog and on the devotionalsex.com forum, I made a decision.  After we had cleaned up from dinner Barry and I sat down to talk in our family room.  I then told him to "Reveal", which meant he should remove all of his clothing.  That was very unusual for me to do when we were not in the bedroom.  He retired to the bedroom and returned without clothing.  I could tell that he was perplexed.

I then displayed the key to his chastity cage and told him that I planned to remove it, under the following conditions:

  • He would be out of chastity whenever we are physically together
  • He would still wear it when he went to work or any other time when I couldn't be with him
  • I explained to him that I still didn't trust him when we weren't together, but that I wanted him to experience an erection whenever I aroused him when we are together, I will frequently try to make that happen
The bottom line is that I want Barry to get aroused whenever I am with him.  I have come to realize that the chastity device prevents that.  So, it will be removed when I can trust him.  However, since I still don't trust him, it will be there when I'm not present.

This seems like a first step in moving towards more of a Devotional Sex environment.

Since my goal is to make him want to make love to me and not his computer/hand, I am already beginning of more ways to make him think of me whenever I can.

Susan

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

A Few Thoughts About Devotional Sex

Just a few thoughts about Devotional Sex and why I think it is so beneficial...

I really like the way it causes the male to focus on pleasing his partner in a very mindful way.  It creates an atmosphere where he gets pleasure from pleasing her.  In addition, by allowing her to determine what happens, e.g. how she wants to be pleasured and how and to what degree she will pleasure the male, it helps the male learn that his orgasm is not the primary focus of intimate time.  It also seems like by not allowing the male to orgasm every time, it will help him understand this more fully and appreciate it even more.

I also love the language used in DS.  In addition to "Knight" and "Princess", Devotional Sex has many terms in its own language which I feel create a romantic atmosphere of  devotional love as opposed to sex.  It takes away much of the sometimes crude or even vulgar language which exists in today's society and also puts the focus more on mindful pleasuring of your partner as the goal, as opposed to achieving an orgasm.

Following are a few examples that DS recommends and that Barry and I are becoming very comfortable with:

Pleasure - my vagina
Desire - Barry's penis
Adore - Barry lies with his head between my legs so that he is looking at my Pleasure from very close.
Pleasure Kiss - oral sex on my Pleasure
Desire Kiss - oral sex on Barry's Desire
Joy - intercourse
Joy Ride - Joy in the Cowgirl position (Barry lying on his back and me sitting on top of him)
Joy Deep - Joy in the Doggy position (me on my hands and knees and Barry penetrating my Pleasure from behind)

DS also has its own language for commands or directions that are used during love making.

Barry and I are continuing to experiment and it seems to be working.  We are spending time on the DS website (devotionalsex.com) most evenings, and then trying out some of the new things we read about.  He was quite skeptical when we began this new endeavor, but I get a sense that it is feeling better for him as we go along.  I like it very much!

Susan

Monday, August 12, 2013

Devotional Sex

Last week was an interesting week in our home.  It began last Sunday with me feeling quite badly about how I had handled the situation with Barry the previous evening.  I knew he deserved to be dealt with, but I was upset with myself for handling the situation out of anger of the moment, as opposed to waiting and handling it in a calm and objective manner.  However, I quickly got over that as I realized that Barry was more upset with himself than he was with me for doing what I did.  It was apparent that he felt very badly and was ready for us to make some changes.

A couple of months ago we began talking about implementing "Devotional Sex" in our lifestyle, but never really got past the talking stage.  I brought it up again this week and we each agreed to try it out.  For those readers not familiar with "Devotional Sex" (DS), there are two websites that serve as excellent resources:

  • www.devotionalsex.com - which provides excellent explanations and guidelines
  • www.devotionalsex.tumblr.com - a photo blog, which may appear to be pornographic, but offers excellent examples of the mindset that DS can create between partners.
The basic concepts that we are starting to implement include:
  • I am Barry's Princess and he is my Knight.  As his Princess I solely make the decisions about all aspects of our sexual activities.  I like this concept much better than "I have the Pussy, so I Make the Rules" model, which makes the female sound like a spoiled brat and the male feel like a submissive wimp.  In the Princess/Knight model, the Knight adores and worships the Princess and wants to pleasure her and the Princess views him as her Knight in shining armor.
  • The Knight agrees to obey the wishes and commands of the Princess (as long as they are within his limits - DS is fully consensual).
  • The Princess can command the Knight to pleasure her at any time and he agrees to do so for as long as she desires.
  • The Princess also decides how and when to pleasure her Knight, although she is open to requests or suggestions from him.  She also decides if/when the Knight will be allowed to orgasm.
There are many more aspects to DS, however these are the initial few basics that Barry and I are beginning to explore.

While, my sense is that a true and full DS relationship would not require a chastity device, Barry and I have agreed that he will remain in his device at all times, except when I decide it can be removed (such as for sexual activities, time when we are together and he is under my personal supervision, or a time of special reward to my Knight).

We are obviously just getting started on this new journey, but last week went well.  We talked a good bit last night and we each agreed that it feels right and we plan to continue.

Susan



Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Assessing this Transition Time

It has become clear to me that Barry and I are in a transition time.  We took over a year out from our personal relationship to care for my mother.  I can not begin to express how important it was for me to do that; and how thankful I am for Barry's support.  However, since I am not currently employed, I have had time to reflect upon what we went through and where we are now.

Part of that reflection has made me understand the difficulty we are each having in getting back into the FLR that we had just started to enjoy.  But, we are moving in the right direction.  Sometimes it is difficult for me to be the dominant partner.  However, other times it feels very comfortable.  I had gotten to a very comfortable level before my Mother became so ill.  I am just now getting back to that comfort level and realizing how much Barry needs me to be dominant in our relationship.

It was hard for me to do what I did Saturday night with Barry.  However, it had a very positive impact upon how he treats me.  I will try to share more about that in a later post.  What I need to share at this moment is that I am seeing a huge change in him this week.  It is clear that Saturday made a huge impression on him.  We are moving in the correct direction.

This transition is difficult for each of us.  Barry is giving up control and it seems like that it is beneficial to him.  I'm learning how to be dominant again and am finding that I enjoy it again.  Being dominant is something that is very different that how I ever imagined myself ... so I have had to learn to accept that it is a good thing for Barry and me.

I hope to build on what I learned from this past weekend.

Susan

Monday, August 5, 2013

Catching Up on Comments

I am feeling a need to respond to the wonderful, supporting comments that so many of you have offered.  They have been a very special gift to me as I return to blogging.  Thank you!

The most important thing I want to do is share my appreciation to all of the expressions of understanding of what I went through regarding the end of life of my mother.  It was really difficult, and I am really glad that I did what I did.  A friend once told me that she only has one mother.  That struck me, and influenced how I wanted to respond to my mother's end of life needs. So, I need to say "thank you" for all of your expressions of understanding.

As a side note, I also want to respond to a comment that asked a question about whether we had purchased the spanking bench that I talked about.  That was a tough question for me, because I really wanted to purchase it.  In fact, I actually directed Barry to order it.  However, I had serious second thoughts.  I just couldn't deal with it being in our home and having the unknown possibilities of family not understanding it if they discovered it after our demise.

So, even though I originally wanted to purchase it, we did not.  I would still like to do so.  But, I just can't do so at this time.  I am looking for other options to accomplish the same goals <grin>.

Susan


Choices and Consequences

Saturday evening turned into a learning experience for Barry.  My plan was provide Barry with a lengthy tease and denial session (which he loves); and to then create a situation in which he would be given two things to choose from.  One choice, the preferred and sensible one, would reward him.  The other choice, a foolish and selfish one, would punish him.  Not surprisingly, Barry made a poor choice.

After dinner, we cleaned up the kitchen together and I suggested that Barry take a shower put on one of his new chemises before joining me in the bedroom.  After joining him for a quick tease in the shower, I proceeded to the bedroom where I put on his favorite lingerie:  black shelf bra with matching lace panties, garter belt, and stockings.  I then turned down the bedspread and laid out some equipment and supplies.  These included four old neckties I use to bind Barry's wrists and ankles to the bed posts, the Hitachi vibrator, Barry's Ride-On penis extension, the Spanking Buddy, my strapon and harness, a roll of one inch wide gauze, a bowl of ice cubes, a wet wash cloth that I had heated up in the microwave, tubes of lubricant, Deep Heat, and lidocaine cream, the new snugger fit condoms, etc.  These were all placed in clear view on my dresser, so Barry could observe the wide collection of toys when he came into the room.

When Barry came into the bedroom and took one look at how I was dressed and the variety of toys on the dresser, he got a big smile on his face.  I smiled back and told him that I had a special evening planned for him.  His eyes were focusing on the ties to bind him to the bed, which didn't surprise me.  I know how much he loves it when I secure him face up and spread-eagled on the bed.  He was already sporting an erection just from looking at me and the toys.  I told him that I hoped he was well-rested and ready for an intense time.

I suggested we start with a playful spanking to get his blood flowing.  After removing his cage, over my lap he went and I used the Spanking Buddy in a firm and playful way to redden his bottom and get him wiggling.  It was then onto the bed where I firmly secured him with the old ties and used the gauze to create a binding around the base of his penis and the top of his scrotum.  I had never done this before, but recently read on a website that binding a male in this way can assure the erection is maintained and can delay the ability to orgasm.  So, I thought I would give it a try.  For the next thirty minutes or so, I used my hands, mouth, and vagina, along with the ice cubes, warm wash cloth, and the Hitachi to tease and torment Barry, repeatedly bringing him to a high state of arousal and then letting him down.  Since he loves to look at my bottom, I made sure that it was frequently inches from his face, where he could see, but not touch.  This is the type of foreplay that Barry loves and it really had him going.  Long before I was ready to stop, he was pleading with me to allow him to orgasm.

He was now ready to have to make a decision.  I explained to him that I really didn't want him to orgasm tonight, but to show some self-control.  To offer some encouragement to do so, I told him that if he waited until the next night, I would repeat the fun we had tonight and then provide him with an orgasm in whatever way he most desired.  I even went so far to state that it could include a visit to my back door, which I know he loves (and I very seldom allow).  As he began to plead for me to allow it tonight, I explained that if he felt he had to have an orgasm tonight, it would have to be solely by masturbating in front of me.  I was disappointed, but not surprised that he chose the second option, claiming that he just couldn't wait.

I told him how disappointed I was with his choice, but I would keep my word and allow him to masturbate after I had a little more fun with his penis.  I then placed a hand towel over his eyes so that he couldn't see what I was doing.  Telling him that since I was sorry this his balls ached so much for an orgasm, I would try to provide him some additional help for that aching.  I then rubbed a little of the Deep Heat onto the surface of his scrotum (which was still bound with the gauze).  It felt cool to him at first and he starting moaning with delight.  However, the moans quickly sounded more distressful as the heat starting to kick in.  I didn't rub much on, but just enough to cause some discomfort that would last for a while after he masturbated.

I then began to rub some lidocaine cream all over the shaft and glans of his penis.  I wasn't sure how much to use, but I wanted to make sure it would have the desired effect of numbing his penis, so I was quite generous.  I explained that I was lubing it up for him.  I then told him I needed to use the bathroom and would be right back.  I took my time and returned in fifteen minutes, since I wanted to provide sufficient time for the lidocaine cream to begin to work.  Upon return, I rubbed on a little more just to be sure and to tease him a bit more.   I then told him I was going to put one of our new condoms on him so that he wouldn't make a mess on our bedding.  The snugger fit style we purchased was significantly slimmer in diameter and provided a very firm fit to his penis.  Removing the towel from his eyes, I asked if he still wanted to masturbate.  The preparation of his penis only served to arouse him more, so I was not surprised when he said yes.  I then shared with him that I would untie his left hand and he must masturbate left handed for me while still being bound to the bed.  He didn't expect that and I could tell that he was not pleased.

However, as soon as I freed his left hand, it was straight to his cock and he started to stroke.  Left-handled was quite awkward for him and it showed.  It was also very amusing to watch the look on his face when he realized that he was not feeling much in his penis.  He began to stroke harder and faster and it quickly became apparent that he was having a hard time reaching an orgasm ... which is exactly what I had hoped would happen.  I wanted there to be a very negative consequence of his choice to masturbate rather than waiting a day for me to make love to him.  I didn't time him, but it must have taken him well over five minutes to achieve an orgasm.  By the time he finally did, he was stroking wildly and was clearly frustrated.  As soon as he started climax, I grabbed his hand and made him stop stimulating.   He immediately protested, but since his other hand was still bound, he couldn't do anything to stop me.  As he lay on the bed, I untied his penis and scrotum and kept him bound to the bed for a few minutes, while I used the wash cloth to clean up his penis a bit before putting his cage back on.  During this process we discussed the consequences he just experienced for exhibiting no self-control and making a very poor decision.  I told him that I hoped he would make a better choice the next time he is unlocked and offered an opportunity for he and I to make love together.

We will continue to grow together,
Susan




Saturday, August 3, 2013

A Fun Trip to the Mall

This morning was our time to go shopping and purchase new lingerie for Barry.  I had a great time; but Barry, not so much <grin>.  We first visited our local mall which has a JCPenney and a Macy's.  It is nice to be new in a heavily populated area where I don't have to worry about anybody recognizing me.  That allowed me freedom to be daring in public and create more embarrassing situations for Barry.  For some reason, I have come to enjoy doing that.  Consequently, I became very demonstrative as we surveyed the various panty options available.  Although I know Barry's size (he has kept his weight off and can wear the same size I do), I made a point of holding up a couple of different sizes to Barry's cute little bottom to judge how they would fit.  I also openly kept asking him questions about which styles he found more comfortable to wear, based on the last collection we had.  There were enough people in each store on a Saturday to assure that we were observed and overheard.  Besides picking out several different styles and colors at each store, I also found two chemises that he will wear for sleeping.  One even had a matching panty.  In each store, I conveniently handed our selections to Barry as we approached the checkout desk, telling him that I needed to visit the ladies room.  I had done that before and knew how embarrassing that Barry found it.

We had planned to go to Victoria's Secret as well, but I decided to save that outing for another day.  I still want to find a sturdy garter belt for Barry to be able to wear with stockings under his business clothes.  Since we already had two fun store experiences today, I thought it would be fun to save that for later.

On the way hope I told Barry that we also needed to stop at a pharmacy to get some things for a special evening tonight.  He was immediately enthusiastic.  As we entered the store, I shared with him the things I wanted him to purchase:  condoms, personal lubrication, and lidocaine cream.  I knew that he would think the first two items were desired because I would allow him to have access to my back door (that is the only time we use condoms).  We have never purchased lidocaine before, and he didn't ask about it, but I suspect he thought it was to make me more comfortable  Little did he know what I really have planned for tonight.  I again had some fun with him in the store.  When he was picking out the normal brand of condoms we have used in the past, I noticed a brand that offered a  'snugger fit' option.  I couldn't resist telling him that I wanted to purchase that brand, so we wouldn't have our usual problem of the condom slipping off.  There were several people near by and Barry immediately turned beet red.  That gave me the opportunity to open my mouth some more and tell him not to be embarrassed, size doesn't matter.

So, we arrived home and had a late lunch and a quick fashion show.  I then suggested to Barry that he get some rest this afternoon, because I have a special evening planned for him after dinner.  He took my advice and is taking a short nap as I compose this post.

He is in for quite a surprise tonight.

Susan


Thursday, August 1, 2013

Taking Charge Again

This has been a tough week.  Since setting new ground rules Tuesday night about if and when he will receive sexual pleasure from me, Barry has been very grumpy.  Wednesday night he acted like a spoiled child who didn't get his way.  I tried ignoring him, hoping that his attitude would improve as he got used to being in chastity again.  However, last night was even worse, even though I allowed him to have some time on the computer (with his chastity device in place, of course).  That only made matters worse.  He complained how uncomfortable it was for him to become aroused while wearing the device (Gee, whose fault was it that he was aroused?).  Consequently, I decided it was time to more fully take charge.

Taking him by the ear, I led him into our bedroom and told him that I was fed up with his childish, boorish behavior and that he had earned a punishment spanking.  I directed him to bring me the lexan paddle while I went to his dresser to get his red punishment panties to wear.  Surprisingly, I couldn't find any panties in his underwear drawer.  The only undershorts present were the new briefs he had purchased while I was away taking care of my mother early in the process.  When he returned with the lexan paddle, I asked him about his panties, he again claimed that he didn't find them when he unpacked all of his clothes.  However, later, during his spanking, he admitted that he had thrown them out prior to the move.

After making him strip and put on a pair of panties, I sat on the bench at the foot of our bed and took him over my lap.  I took my own sweet time getting him into position and asking him if he was comfortable.  I told him that I want to make sure he was, because he was going to be there for a long time while we have a serious discussion about his attitude and some new rules.  Using the lexan paddle firmly and methodically, it didn't take long for me to have his undivided attention.  One nice thing about the lexan is that it doesn't take much effort to have an impact.  It does all the work!

By the time we were done, which must have been a half hour later, Barry was begging and pleading for me to stop and promising me anything that he thought would help.  We came to an understanding about who was in charge of his sexual pleasure, the fact that his internet surfing time would not be severely limited to now more than a 1/2 hour at a time and no more than 2 total hours a week, and that he was going to return to wearing panties all of the time.  When I finally let him up, the first thing he had to do was throw out all of his briefs that he had bought while I was away during the past year.

This morning when Barry returned from taking his morning shower, I had laid out a pair of my sexiest panties and a pair of thigh high black stockings for him to wear to work.  I explained that the stockings were going to be an extra reminder to him all day long of who was now in charge in our household.

It was not easy for me to assert my dominance so strongly, but I had finally come to the realization that I needed to do it and assume complete control to help him make the transition more easily.  We'll see if it has a positive impact on his behavior when he returns from work today.  I plan to let him know tomorrow night that we will take a shopping trip on Saturday to replace the panties that he had disposed of.

Susan


Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Understanding Barry's Submissiveness

After last weekend, Barry and I have had several long discussions.  I pushed to have them because Barry doesn't talk much unless I force the issue.  So, I pushed, he talked, I listened, and I shared.  I have also given a lot of thought to what I heard.  It has become clear (again) to me that Barry has a very submissive and kinky nature and craves for me to be dominant in our sexual relationship.  I had learned that before, but lost it during the past year when my focus was on caring for my mother.  It has become even more clear in the past few days.  Since I became dominant with him in the past, he has now been more willing to share his true feelings and needs.  We talked a lot about his sexual interests and what, he feels, are his needs.  I have shared with him that I'm not sure I can be as dominant or as kinky as he would like.  However, I love this man ... and am going to try.  We also talked about some of my needs and desires; and he is willing to try to meet them. Given his desires, if I am dominant, I can assure that he will meet my needs.  I have slowly learned the power that I possess as a female in this relationship.  It is not my nature to use that type of power, but that is clearly what Barry wants me to do.

So, we are continuing to move forward again.  I feel good about it, but also question whether I can ever meet his needs to be dominated.  One thing is very clear to me at the moment, which is that it was a good decision to lock him up in chastity, but a bad decision to tell him that I wanted to meet all of his desires for orgasm.  So, things have changed.  He is locked up, but I will control if, when, and how he experiences an orgasm.  He clearly expressed that he wants and needs me to take that control.  So ... here we go!  From what I have read, it seems like it is beneficial to limit when and how he orgasms.

During the past year when we were separated a lot, he had complete freedom with the internet and he downloaded a lot of photos and videos.  That has now changed!  However, I have also decided that I need to spend some time reviewing what he downloaded and attempt to understand his interests.  I'm not sure where that will lead, but we are where we are.  We begin a another journey together.

Susan

Sunday, July 28, 2013

First Spanking in Over a Year

It was hard for me to believe that it had been over a year since I last spanked Barry.  However, it had been until yesterday afernoon.  I hadn't realized it and I didn't plan on spanking him yesterday.  However, he forced my hand ... probably on purpose.  We had been working in the yard earlier in the day doing some heavy duty gardening.  Barry had agreed to move several shrubs for me, so I allowed him to be out of his chastity device.  When he finished the project I still had several things to do outside.  He showed me what he had accomplished and asked if there was anything else I'd like him to do before he took a shower.  I said "no" without giving it a second thought.  That was a mistake, because when I finished up and came into the house I found Larry in his home office at the computer with his dick in his hand.  When I looked at the PC, I realized that he had just started watching a rather lengthy video (thirty some minutes).  I immediately paused it and told him not to move.  I departed to get something to bind his hands behind his back, which I did when I returned.  I then restarted the video and left him to watch it with his hands tied behind the back of the chair while I went and took my shower.

I returned before the video was over and Barry was still watching with a rock hard erection about which he could do nothing.  After the video finished, I decided to give him a bit of relief (a very little bit).  I spent the next 10 minutes or so teasing him with my hands and mouth before finally allowing him to climax.  However, as soon as I knew he was starting to shoot, I stopped the stimulation.  That was part of the video he was watching when I returned from my shower ... so I thought it would be an appropriate way to end.

I then took Barry to our bedroom where I told him he was going to be punished for violating our agreement to not have sexual activity without me being part of it.  I gave him a prolonged hard spanking with our ruler paddle and hairbrush.  It wasn't overly severe, since I could tell that his bottom was tender and I knew how much he hates to be spanked after having a climax.  However, I was deliberate and slow paced as I administered a very sound spanking all over his bottom.  It was very uniformly red all over when I was done and he was begging me to stop.  When I finally finished with a flurry of 20 or so hard swats of the hairbrush at the very base of his bottom, I took him in my arms.  At that time I was surprised to hear him say "Thank you, I've missed that for such a long time".  That is when I realized that it had been over a year since I had last spanked him, and realized that his little session with the computer was probably done on purpose to get me to spank him.

We spent a long time talking last night and this morning.  We're still sorting things out, but talking is good.

Susan

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Reclaiming an Erotic Life

As I mentioned in my last post, the past fifteen months took a significant toll on Barry's and my relationship.  Even when we were together, I was too physically and emotionally exhausted to put any significant effort into our sexual activities.  This was especially hard on Barry, but he was very understanding and patient with me.  For obvious reasons, his chastity device was not kept in use.  To my dismay, it became apparent to me that Barry became addicted once again to pornography on the web and masturbation.  However, I really couldn't object, since I was not providing him with any other alternative; and at least he turned to the computer and his hand instead of a relationship with another woman.

However, we are now moving forward.  Several weeks ago we had a long talk about how to rejuvenate our sex life and have begun taking positive steps.  Barry is back in his device full time.  However, its purpose is not to deprive him of sex, but to make sure his sexual activities always include me.  He is also again completely shaved from his waist to his upper thighs; and, at his request, I am also keeping myself neatly trimmed down below.  I am again becoming comfortable taking a dominant role and we are beginning to explore the concept of 'devotional sex', which allows each of us to focus completely on providing the other with pleasure.  I will try to share more about that later as we move forward.

Thanks to those who have commented and offered kind words of support to my last post.  It is good to be back.

Susan

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Getting Our World Back Together

The past fifteen months have been an extreme challenge and caused me to disappear from this blog.  I should have shared why I disappeared at that time, but my physical and emotional energy didn't allow me to do so.  I don't want to go into too many details, but the challenge was finding a way to care for my mother.  We had previously successfully helped Barry's parents move into an assisted living complex; and they are doing well.  However, shortly after their move, my mother's health deteriorated rapidly and there was not an easy solution.  Luckily, I was able to take a leave of absence from my work to go and care for her.  That was the good news.  The bad news was that we had a long road in front of us.  She was going to require long term 24 hour help, which she and our family could not afford.  So, my sister (who lives near her) and I decided that we could find a way to do it.  That decision turned out to be a wonderful gift to all of us, but also a physically and emotionally draining time for my sister and me.

To make a long story short, with Barry's support I ended up traveling halfway across the country to be with my mother.  And, Barry somehow eventually found a way to obtain a new position in that area.  So, last December we moved! (leaving our beloved New England).  What we expected to be a very long haul time-wise became much shorter when my mother suffered a fatal stroke this spring.  It was a blessing to her, but I am still grieving.  I am just now becoming able to begin to return to somewhat normal living.

This entire situation was something I would have never asked for in my life.  However, in the grand scheme of life it has been a wonderful experience.  It was amazing to have to care for my mother in ways that she cared for me as an infant.  However, it also had a huge impact on Barry's and my relationship; but we have survived it and are coming out of it.  For fifteen months, my focus was my mother.  That changed all we had been doing prior to her downfall.  But, we are now getting back to being able to focus on each other ... which is another gift.

I am going to try to get back into blogging, since I think it will be helpful for me.

Susan


Monday, April 9, 2012

We're Still Here

I suspect that many of you may have think that Barry and I have disappeared off the face of the earth.  Alas, that is not true.

However, we are again dealing with esculating challenges of aging parents who don't live close to us, but have significant care needs.  We thought we had found a good solution a while ago.  It worked for a while.  However, things have esculated again.  Appropriately, our time and energy is currently going to them.  And it will continue to do so for a while.  These are not easy times for us.

Susan

Monday, March 12, 2012

Spanking Bench ????

I'm sure that no one will be surprised that Susan has suggested another posting topic for me. Actually, this one also included some work to be done before I could write it.

She has developed a serious interest in purchasing a spanking bench. I have some serious concerns about this. But, it is also exciting in some ways. The concern of being the one who will be over it is obvious. But, knowing how loving and caring Susan is also presents the possibility of other more pleasurable activities. I then factor in the fact that I am also concerned about having a piece of this type of furniture in our house for someone to discover. Susan is as well, but she seems to be willing to overlook that concern at the moment.

It seems that one of her readers sent her an email recommending a portable spanking bench from BDG Sales. Susan is very interested in it, but has a number of questions. So, she decided that I should call BDG Sales and get answers for her, and then post the information on the blog.

I'm usually pretty comfortable making phone calls. But this was different. Susan's main concern is that my genitals be able to hang down and be exposed when I am on the bench. She wants access to them for teasing and milking. So, I called this this evening and fortunately a man answered. My heart skipped a beat or two when he transferred me. But I was relieved when another man answered. He seemed to understand my situation and answered Susan's questions, as well as a couple that I had. He also shared some additional information that neither of us thought to ask. He also had some suggestions about how to use some features of the bench. I don't know if it is good or bad, but all of his answers were positive with respect to what Susan is looking for. I also suspect that I will be pleased with its capabilities for Susan to use it for pleasurable experiences. However, the alternative possibilities if she decides to punish me are very scary.

I have shared what I learned with Susan, including the fact that he is willing to customize the bench to meet our needs with no or little increase in cost. It was also very apparent to me that he has used the bench from multiple perspectives and loved talking about it. That made the conversation much more comfortable for me.

I'm not sure where Susan and I will go with this right now. I'm not even sure I know where I hope it will go.

Barry

PS ... The bench that we are considering is a portable spanking bench from BDG Sales (bdgsales.com)



Tuesday, March 6, 2012

A New Experience Last Night

Being off from work yesterday for a routine medical appointment provided me with an unexpected opportunity to spice things up and create a new opportunity for Barry and me.

First, I need to provide a little background that developed two weekends ago when Barry shared with me that he enjoyed being pegged and when we visited the lingerie/adult store in "the city".  While we were there, I purchased a French maid's dress and a lovely, fun paddle.  What I did not purchase (because I didn't want Barry to know I was doing so) was a beautiful, life-like very large strap-on dildo.  It is quite large compared to the two dildos I have used to penetrate him, but not ridiculous.

Last Monday, I called the store and asked if they would ship it to our home.  The were happy to do so ... and it arrived yesterday.  Perfect timing.  I arrived home from my appointment early afternoon and found it.  I immediately texted Barry with "Get ready for some fun tonight".  I continued to periodically text him during the afternoon with things like "I own your butt", "Better not be late", "You're in for a 'huge' surprise", etc.  I wanted to have him crawling with anticipation by the time he got home :-).  As he was driving home I called him and told him that I needed him to stop at the pharmacy on the way to pick up a couple of things.  I let him ask what I needed before I told him to bring home a package of large size condoms and a large tube of lube.  The slight pause and hitch in his voice as he replied "Yes, dear" was very apparent.  I loved it.

When he arrived home, I greeted him at the door dressed in his favorite outfit for me (white blouse and black skirt).  Under the skirt, I was wearing the dildo in my harness and it was quite apparent.  I loved seeing Barry's smile when he saw the outfit I was wearing, and I couldn't miss the look on his face when he noticed the outline of what was below my skirt. It was priceless.  I suggested that he go take a shower and that I would join him in the bathroom.  When he entered our bedroom, the French maid outfit was laid out on our bed.  When he entered the bathroom, he couldn't miss the enema bag hanging on the clothes hook by the shower and the dressing bench in the middle of the room.

I'd prefer to keep some of the details a bit personal, but let me share that I joined him in the bathroom as he finished his shower.  After we removed his cage, he ended up over the bench to receive a slowly administered enema concurrent with lots of genital teasing and erotic paddling with the leather paddle I had purchased at the store during our visit.  I left him alone to have some privacy to expel the quart of warm water before he joined me in the bedroom, where I had fun dressing him as my maid.

He then served us the dinner that I had prepared and cleaned up the kitchen afterwards, knowing what was in store for him beneath my skirt.  When we retired to the bedroom for his introduction to our new toy, I first took him over my knee for a fun spanking with my Spanking Buddy.  When I did so, I trapped his erection between my thighs so I could make sure I kept him aroused and  also made sure he could feel the presence of the new dildo in his abdomen.  Once his bottom was nicely warmed, I had him kneel in front of me and raise my skirt to get acquainted with "Max", my new friend.  After having him experience its size and texture in his mouth, I had him roll the condom on it (the large size fit quite nicely) and then prepare it with as much lube as he desired.  Once I had him bending over the side of the bed I took my time with him.  It took patience and gentleness to get Max started.  But, once it was about two thirds of the way in, Barry began to moan and move his hips towards me to assist in its penetration.  It was then that I realized what a little slut he is with respect to anal play.  He was loving it!  He continued to rock his hips with me as I continued to peg him.  When I withdrew, I flipped him over on his back to confirm that he had a very stiff erection.  I then finished him off, teasing him about what a slut he was, and left him with a ruined orgasm.

I have to confess that I loved the evening.  Since my focus last week was primarily on making sure that Barry's (and my) sexual needs were met, I decided that I needed to make sure I reasserted control in a loving, caring way.  I'm pretty sure that I succeeded.

This is also really the type of spice that I am hoping to make sure that we each continue to add to our relationship.  I also now realize that I need to take advantage of what a little slut he is for pegging.

Susan

Saturday, March 3, 2012

A Good Week

The past week was much more fun for both Barry and me than the previous one.  The new rules we established seem to be working much better.  Barry still wears his chastity device most of the time, even though it is unlocked.  The honor system seems to be working, probably because we have opened up better communications by each pledging to share our sexual needs with the other and to meet each others needs.  That seems to work better for both of us, as opposed to enforced chastity for long periods of time.  We each seemed to need more sexual stimulation last week, perhaps due to the stress of the punishment week.  The Ride-on got put to use most nights, especially while Barry was tied to the bed while lying on his back.  Barry also got to enjoy significant and lengthy teasing in that position.  It seems to be his favorite and I plan to use it frequently, now that I realize how meaningful it is to him (and how much fun it can be with the Ride-on and for forced oral worship (which I also plan to take advantage of on a more regular basis).

Barry also continues to keep his body completely shaved and wear panties instead of men's underwear, which I really enjoy.  I guess that I need to begin giving some thought to what to do in the summer, when he will need to expose his arms and legs.   Also, I think it's time for us to make a trip to Victoria's Secrets again.  It should allow for some public embarrassment and teasing, which should be fun for both of us.

After learning more of Barry's likes and dislikes, I have now implemented an additional rule.  Whenever Barry climaxes, the results of his pleasure will be consumed by him.  It does not necessarily take place at that time, since I was intrigued by comments regarding freezing them for later consumption.  I have started to keep a dedicated ice cube tray in the freezer into which we can transfer and save his juices.  And, we have been exploring some other creative ways to make the consumption a sensual experience, especially if they have spilled on me.

So, last week was good for both of us and it provided opportunities for experimentation, which I think is something that Barry and I have both been craving.

Thanks again to each of you who have shared comments of support and ideas.  I can't begin to express how helpful you are.

Susan

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Barry's Time: Explanation/Comments of "The Video"

During breakfast this morning, Susan firmly reminded me that I previously promised to post on her blog on a regular basis and also pointed out that I have not posted since January! Her tone of voice got my attention quite quickly. While she has not threatened me with any repercussions (at least not yet), I took very seriously her suggestion that I post an explanation of the video that I was watching when she caught me masturbating a couple of weeks ago and explain to everyone why it was so enticing to me that I broke our trust. Needless to say, it was on my mind all day and I have composed multiple messages in my mind. This is not something that I really want to talk about, but I can understand why she feels it something that only I can explain. As I mentioned in my last post, it is not easy for me to explain my feelings when I blog, but I'll do my best.

The video was one that I found a long time ago and it is called Phantomette Femdom Handjob. Following is a link, if anyone cares. Susan suggested I include the video itself, but I didn't have any luck uploading it to Blogger, so I am including the link.

(http://www.sunporno.com/tube/videos/22121/phantomette-femdom-handjob.html)

In the video, a man is secured facedown on a table with his cock and balls hanging through a hole in the table. I young woman wearing a red mask begins by strapping his ass, but then quickly appears below the table and proceeds to administer a long, teasing handjob. She really messes with his mind during the entire process by continually pointing out that he is all tied up, with his dick in a hole, and has no where to go. Several times she tells him that she wants to make him cry and also asks him if he has ever been in this position before (he says that he hasn't). To make matters scarier, she periodically interupts the pleasure of the handjob to squeeze his balls in a way that appears painful, but not torturous. She eventually drains him but then continues to massage the head of his cock for another three minutes or more. It is clear that it is quite painful for him, but enjoyable to her.

I'm not sure I fully understand or can adequately explain why I am drawn to this video, but I have been since the first time I saw it. I suspect that it is a combination of several things:
  1. Her complete control of the situation in a kind and friendly way: She seems to really love what she is doing and it is clear that she is not going to really hurt him, but he doesn't know that. She really fucks with his mind, which is something that I really enjoy having done to me.
  2. His complete lack of control and his periodic expression of fear: It is clear that he knows he has no control and at times, he is quite fearful.
  3. His enjoyment of the handjob even though it eventually seems like he knows she will continue to stroke him after he cums: I love the way she plays with him (Susan sometimes does the same to me when she ties me to the bed while I am on my back). I guess I am somewhat amazed at how much he can enjoy it, knowing that she has complete control. I'm guessing that, in reality, he has as much confidence and faith in the young lady as I have in Susan.
  4. Her total enjoyment of all phases of the handjob and follow-up stroking ... she is clearly enjoying herself
I really love it when Susan ties me to the bed face up and administers a slow and teasing handjob to me. I have learned that most times she will ruin my orgasm,but sometimes she doesn't. And, the lead up to the actual orgasm is so wonderful. I guess it is because she has control and I don't. However, I will confess that I don't understand what all is going on at times.

Breaking the trust that Susan and I have is not something that I am prepared to fully talk about right now. That is something that she and I have dealt with, and I feel it is a private matter. I will share that I understand that I completely let her down. I also want to share that complete chastity is a wonderful fantasy, and is one that I have enjoyed as a fantasy. However, in reality, it is extremely hard to achieve. I also understand that I am very lucky to have a wonderful wife like Susan who was willing to learn and grow to make our relationship better. She is a wonderful gift to me and I thank God for her every day. I am also doing my best to convey that to her. I think she knows that. I can only hope.

Barry

Monday, February 27, 2012

Moving Forward and Exploring New Territory

Barry and I spent the last week taking time to savor ways to pleasure each other and share some of innermost feelings and desires.  I think we were both exhausted by the previous punishment week and were each ready to give and receive as much sexual pleasure as possible. That also led to some of the most honest discussions we have had with respect to what we each like.  For example, following are just a few of things that he shared for the first time:

  • He really enjoys it when I tease him for long periods of time, not knowing whether I will ruin his orgasm or take him all the way to completion. I was very surprised to hear him admit than even if I ruin his orgasm, it is worth it to have the long period of teasing.
  • He gets very excited when I publicly embarrass him as long as it is in front of strangers.  He admitted to  loving the way I sometimes embarrass him in front of waitresses when we are dining out.
  • He finds that being made to consume his cum is something that he loves to hate.  He loves having me make him do so, but hates doing it.  (This is something that I definitely plan to pursue)
  • He loves to be pegged by me (that one really surprised me)
  • He really likes fucking me while wearing his Ride-on penis extender.  Even though he doesn't get much pleasure, he shared that he loves being able to give me vaginal orgasms. (This will also be pursued much more often)
  • He didn't really mind being spanked in front of his sister and her partner.  What really upset him was the fact that she took charge of the situation and he felt that neither he nor I had any control. (This revelation completely blew me away.  He had seemed so upset, I didn't realize that it was just limited to my losing control of the situation.  It opens the door to many more possibilities.
I also candidly shared several things with Barry that I had not previously revealed.  They will probably come out in subsequent posts  in subtle ways, but I'm not quite ready to share them at this time.

After the last two weeks, I am finding that Barry has a stronger submissive side that I imagined.  I began to explore them a bit on Saturday when we made a trip to our nearest larger city.  It has a store that I have been wanting to visit for several months now.  It is a private store that carries a lot of Frederick's of Hollywood type lingerie for women, which is what it advertises.  However, I have suspected that it is more than that ... and it is.  I told Barry that we were going into the city Saturday for lunch and a movie.  I really wanted to see "The Artist" before the Academy Awards.  The movie was amazing, and I'm not surprised that it won the awards it did. 

However, our trip also provided time for us to visit the special shop.  It was much more than I expected.  In addition to its "Frederick's" type of products, it also had an area with feminine clothing for men.  It also had a very tasteful display of sexual toys and BDSM products.  To make a long story short, I ended up having Barry try on and purchase a French maid's costume.  I have long been intrigued by Suzanne at All Mine and how she has her husband serve her and her lover.  It was such fun to have Barry try on a maid's outfit and model it for me and the female shop owner.

I also loved being able to explore some the shop's leather paddles.  At one point when the shop was empty, I even gave Barry a couple of playful test swats with one that I liked.  The owner saw me and suggested that I take Barry into the 'back' room where we could experiment with whatever products we liked.  I was quite surprised to find the 'back' room furnished with a straight chair and a spanking bench.  It was quite a bit of fund, and Barry had two sets of red cheeks when we emerged.  (And I bought a wonderful leather paddle that will be a lot of fun for erotic spankings.)  I have to also confess that I loved their spanking bench and I think Barry did, too.

So, it has been a wonderful week, following by a stimulating day on Saturday.  And, we have already begun exploring new activities this week.  Somehow, we have emerged from a week of darkness into a new era.  This past week, it became clear that we were each needing and seeking that.

Susan

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

That Was The Week That Was

No, I'm not referring to David Frost's satirical news program of the early 60s.  The phrase just felt like an appropriate way express a bit of how I feel about the past week with Barry.  I'm glad it is over and I am trying what I hope will be a better way to move forward.  Throughout the week, I gave a lot of thought to the various comments that so many of you kindly shared, trying to figure out how best for Barry and I to move forward.  He and I had a long talk on Saturday and I feel good about how what we are trying.

The Week That Was
I continued with my plan to make Barry masturbate in front of me multiple times each day throughout last week.  He masturbated or I used my Hitachi on him at least five times each day.  I basically made him periodically masturbate each day until he couldn't get erect or when his climax resulted in no fluid being produced.  When the former occurred, I to used our Hitachi on him.  By Friday night he had a very red and sore penis.  Throughout the week, I required him to masturbate as quickly as he could with no visual stimulation available and with no added lubrication other than his saliva if he chose to use it.  Most of his orgasms were ruined by my grabbing his hand as soon as he started to climax.  His first session each day was normally upon waking up, and I required him to masturbate in a small bottle around lunch time at work and to bring his production home to me to prove that he had complied.  The remaining sessions took place during the evening, beginning immediately when he arrived home.  Being required to masturbate so frequently and in this manner was definitely not fun for Barry.  It was also not a fun week for me, because I also didn't expect or allow him to pleasure me in any way.

By Saturday, I had developed a plan to move forward.  He was surprised when I didn't make him masturbate during the morning.  I told him that we would "talk" after lunch.  As we finished eating we did the dishes together and I asked him to join me in the family room for a talk.  We talked a long time about a lot of things, including why he enjoys masturbating to porn so much and how it makes me feel when he "cheats" on me that way.  I told him that I don't necessarily object to his gaining sexual pleasure by masturbating, but I do object to him doing it without me present or knowing about it.  We even sat together at the computer and watched the video he was watching when he masturbated that day, so he could explain why it excited him so much.  (It was quite unusual, and probably needs to be the subject of a future post.) We talked about things we could do to help him not masturbate behind my back, and he agreed to a set of rules that I proposed.  When we finished, I told him that I planned to punish him again for what happened the previous weekend and that we would then move forward with the new set of rules and guidelines.

New Rules
Following are the rules to which we agreed:
1. Barry will wear a chastity device when I request it, but it will remain unlocked.  It will be an honor system on his part to comply with it.  I feel like he needs to take more responsibility for compliance and not rely on being locked up.  However, I also think the act of physically wearing it demonstrates his submissiveness and it will serve as a reminder to him of his vow to remain chaste for me.
2. Barry will request permission from me prior to removing his chastity device at any time when I have required him to wear it, and I will grant him permission when he asks unless there is a valid reason to not allow it.
3. Barry will tell me whenever he feels a compelling need to view porn and/or masturbate.  We will work together to find a way to meet his sexual needs, as long as they are within reason.
4. Barry will not view porn or masturbate without permission from me and without me being present with him.
5. Barry will also comply with any request or directive I make for him to fulfill my sexual needs.
5. If I suspect that Barry has broken the rule to not masturbate without my approval and presence, I will require him to masturbate in front of me, so that I can assess his ability to perform.  If the amount of fluid produced or the length of time it takes him to climax indicate that  he has recently masturbated without permission (after last week, I have a pretty good sense of the impact of previous masturbation on both of those issues), he will be severely punished.

Saturday's Final Punishment
When we were done talking, I directed Barry to go to the bedroom and remove all of his clothing except his panties and to stand with his nose in the corner.  After he had done so, I came into the room and placed our laptop computer on the pillows of the bed and found the video that Barry had watched.  I set his chastity device and the lexan paddle next to it.  I then bound Barry's hands together in front of him, removed his panties, and made him kneel on the bed and lean forward on his forearms facing the computer and device.  I wanted him to have to focus on what got him in trouble while I punished him.  When he saw the lexan, I could see the look of fear in his eyes.

I was very calm and deliberate as I punished him this time, unlike the previous weekend when I discovered him masturbating.  Before I started with the paddle, I started the video and made him watch it while I used the Hitachi to quickly make him climax.  I didn't want him to have any enjoyment from the spanking, even in the beginning.  When I began to paddle, I didn't provide him with any warm-up.  I wasn't cruel, but I took my time and let the impact of each firm stroke burn in before delivering the next one.  With the lexan, it doesn't take much effort.  I also lectured him about why I was doing this and went over the rules with him, making him restate them to me and agree to follow them.

I also let him know that punishment for any future masturbation violation will be administered with the lexan paddle.  If there is a subsequent (second) violation, there will be two sessions with the paddle on consecutive nights.  For each subsequent violation, another session with the paddle on a subsequent night will be added.  For example if there is a third violation, Barry will be paddled three nights in a row.  Knowing how much Barry hates the lexan paddle, I firmly believe that this progressive type of punishment should provide him with more than enough incentive to not break the rules.

When I finished, Barry was openly sobbing and promising to not disappoint me again.  I untied his hands and we hugged and kissed.  I let him know that he was now forgiven for last weekend.  However, I also reminded him of the punishment he would receive for any future violation.  That night when we got into bed, I told Barry that I needed some sexual stimulation and guided his head downward.  He provided the most loving and caring oral worship that I have ever received from him.

Somehow, I feel that we are back on the right track.  I know it will take time to tell, but things feel better right now.  Thanks again to each of you who commented with suggestions or support.  I can't tell you how much I appreciated your words.

Susan

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Fantasy vs Reality

Harry Haversackers provided a very interesting comment to my last posting.  Ir really caused me to stop and ponder a lot of things today.  He insightfully pointed out that Barry's kink that causes him to masturbate is domestic discipline.  That raises the question of whether physical punishment can be effective with respect to making him stop masturbating.  Comments from others  had also pointed in that same direction, but didn't quite grab me.  But, today that question caused me to spend a lot of time in thought.  It compelled me to go back and really think about what excites Barry, and whether I am currently causing him to feel punishment.

As a result of my pondering today, here are my current thoughts.  It is clear that Barry fantasizes about spanking, both being spanked and spanking beautiful young ladies.  It is also clear that he loves to fantasize about a wide variety of kinky sexual activity.  I suspect that some of you might be amazed at the variety of his photo and video collection he amassed on our PC.  I was, and it took me months to come to grips with the fact that my husband had these interests that he never shared with me.

Through this blog and the exposure and feedback it provided, I slowly came to grips with Barry's interests.  I began to explore them.  The good news is that I found that I really enjoyed some of them, which led me to become much more dominant in our marriage.  Three years ago, I could have never imagined doing many of the sexual things that Barry and I now do, or inflicting the pain of a punishment spanking on anyone, especially Barry.  I now love the sexual variety that some of Barry's kinks provide.

I still don't enjoy inflicting punishment, but I have slowly learned that it is one way of controlling Barry.  I say that because I have come to realize that Barry likes to fantasize.  However, I quickly found that when he experienced some of his fantasies, the reality of them was not very pleasurable for him.  For example, Barry has a huge collection of photos and videos of men being spanked very hard.  They really excite him.  But, I quickly learned that when I spank hard, his erection disappears and he begs for mercy.  Fantasy and reality are two very different things.

So, what I have seemed to learn is that Barry has lots of fantasies that really excite him ... and cause him to want to masturbate about them (rather than make love to me). That was a hard pill to swallow.  However, I have swallowed it.  And, I have found that I love being able to control Barry.  That excites me and gives me the ability to make him do things that sexually fulfill me. And, three years ago I could have never forced him to do those things.

I have also learned that Barry's fantasies are not nearly as exciting to him in real life.  Fantasizing about receiving a hard spanking is exciting to him.  Actually receiving one is a completely different matter.  Fantasizing about chastity is exciting.  Being locked in a device is not.  Fantasizing about a controlling wife or partner is exciting.  Having a wife who actually takes charge is not.  And, masturbating is exciting and fun when he can do it when he pleases.  However, being forced to jerk off in front of me, especially when he has no desire to do so, is not fun.

I have also come to realize that Barry does not like to be embarrassed or lose control of a situation.  I think that this issue was a key factor in the situation that developed when his sister spanked him and took control away from both Barry and me.  There was a huge loss of control and huge embarrassment.

So,where does all of this lead me?  I find that delivering a prolonged, painful spanking to Barry is definitely punishment.  I still find it hard to do so, but I know it changes his behavior.  I also find that causing him to lose control by creating embarrassing situations for him is also effective.  From my experience in making him masturbate in a restaurant bathroom, I am inclined to pursue some of the suggestions that others have made.

I have also found during the past couple of days that making Barry masturbate many times each day, and using my Hitachi on him when he can't even seem to achieve an erection are extremely punishing for him.  For example, by the time we went to bed last night, I couldn't even get Barry hard by using the Hitachi.  When I tried to do so, it was obvious to me that it was painful and humiliating.  That reality was far different from what he would have probably fantasized about.

So, at this point, I think I have found a way to punish Barry ... and your support has convinced me that I am correct in pursuing punishment.  It is going to be a long time before Barry receives any stimulation other than from his hand or my Hitachi.  And, any bad attitude will result in a punishment spanking that will not meet his fantasies.

In closing, I can't tell you how much I appreciate the feedback and support I receive from this blog.  I never asked to be put in this position.  However, it has caused me to grow and this community has been a huge part of helping me to do that.

Susan