Sunday, November 30, 2014

Curiosities of the Male Genitalia

During an early blog posting (quite some time ago), I mentioned that Barry is a "grow"er and not a "show"er.  At the time, I received an email from a follower asking for more information because she didn't understand what I meant.  My response to her included the basic difference between the terms, which I will include below.  For some reason, those terms and that question recently popped into my mind and I thought it might be fun to talk about some of the curious aspects of the male genital organ.  I've recently become a bit intrigued by them, but I don't fully understand them.  So, perhaps some of my readers can shed some light.

Growers vs. Showers
I read these terms some place and realized that Barry is clearly a "grow"er.  His penis is quite small when flacid.  However, it increases significantly in size when he becomes aroused.  Other men apparently are quite large all the time (hence a "show"er).  It seems that when they become aroused, their penis becomes hard but does not increase a lot in size.

I don't understand why there is this difference.  I do know that it used to cause Barry some embarrassment about the size of his penis.  When we were first married, he didn't like me to see him when it was flacid.  Since penis size was never a big deal for me, it didn't bother me at all.  Barry was always able to please me sexually, which is what mattered.

Are my readers aware of this difference?  Do the men fall into one category or the other?  Are there any concerns about size by the "grow"ers?

Testicle Size and Scrotum Characteristics
This is another area that I have notices can vary at different times with respect to Barry.   When he comes out of a hot shower, his testicles seem much larger than normal and hang very low in his scrotum.  At other times, his testicles seem significantly smaller and are higher.  And, still at other times they seem to almost disappear.  Does anyone else notice these differences?

I will always remember the "shrinkage" episode of Seinfeld in which a friend of George's girlfriend walks into the bedroom where he is changing from his swimsuit.  George is very concerned that she saw a very small penis (due to "shrinkage" while swimming) and will tell his girlfriend.  Barry also experiences this.  Sometimes, his penis can be extremely small when flacid.  However, it always grows to his normal size when he is aroused.  

Is shrinkage a concern for my male readers?  How do your partner's feel?

Shooting distance and Volume of Fluid expelled
Does anyone else notice a difference in these two aspects of the male climax?  I have noticed that as Barry gets older, these two characteristics have decreased.  When we were younger, if I gave him a handjob, he would shoot at least six feet and it seemed like he always had a huge volume of seminal fluid.  These days, the distance is a matter of inches and the volume is much less.  I'm assuming this a a factor of age.

Do I dare mention the "unmentionable"?    After Barry's heart attack, ED became very apparent ... and we understand from the cardiology literature that it is quite typical.  His issues have greatly improved, which is not always the case.  I have tried to deal with it by creating different ways to get him excited, and it seems to work.  Do any of my readers have experience in this area?  If so, what have you done.

Needless to say, the male genitalia are a curious thing.  I'm glad that I have come to fully love and enjoy Barry's.


Monday, November 24, 2014

What is Devotional Sex - to Susan and Barry

In a recent comment, "lovetosubmit"asked the following question:

  • I've seen the devotional sex blog a bit. But could you go into a little more detail as to what your take on it is? Is it basically sex is for the wife's pleasure? Is it femdom? Seems like a bit of a mix.
I thought this might be a good topic for this post.

For Barry and me, Devotional Sex has been a new way of looking at sex and making love.  Before I learned of Barry's strong desires to be spanked and his submissive nature, we were stuck in a very old fashioned way of expressing our love for each other in a sexual way.  I felt compelled to allow Barry to have sex with me even if it didn't give me much pleasure.  And, Barry looked at sex with one goal.  He wanted to have an orgasm.  If he provided me with the ability to orgasm, that was a side benefit.   It was awful, especially for me.

Once I learned of what I initially thought were Barry's unusual kinky needs, and realized that I needed to embrace them, a new world opened up to us.  We began to communicate and be honest with each other about how we felt about sex.  When we discovered and talked about "Devotional Sex" it opened more new doors.  We realized that the goal should be to focus on pleasing each other.  To us, that was the "devotional" part.  

My sense is that the Devotional Sex concept of putting the female in charge of sex is a way of overcoming that old-fashioned perspective of sex is primarily for the male.  For Barry, it was a no-brainer because he loves to be submissive.  It was initially difficult for me to make the transition and take charge.  However, I have done so.  I now love being in charge and Barry loves me assuming that role.  I have also come to realize that keeping Barry very horny is a good thing.  We have also each learned that by desiring to please each other we each reap great benefits.

So, to try to find a way to sum things up, Devotional Sex for us is a tool that allowed us to realize the important thing is for us to focus on pleasing each other.  We are continually finding out how best to do that, which I will try to share in this blog.  For us, it is not femdom.  But I also have to admit that I am difinitely dominant, which is what Barry wants.  The reason I say it is not femdom is because I interpret that word to mean a 'bitchy, mean woman'.  That is not me.  But, I have learned to be in charge in a loving and caring way, because that is what Barry needs and wants.

I hope all of this makes sense to those who read it.  This is not an easy subject to explain.  I'll keep trying.


PS ... Thank you  "lovetosubmit" for your question.  I hope I have begun to answer it.

Friday, November 21, 2014

House Rules

During my sabbatical from blogging I received several emails from readers with questions about the rules that I require Barry to follow.  I apologize for not being responsive to those questions during that time and I thought I would try to address them in this post.

Barry and I have each agreed to a number of house rules that we feel make our relationship stronger and more enriching.  These include:
  • Devotional Sex is our primary guide for sex and making love.  Barry will be my Knight and I will be his Princess.
  • Whenever we disagree about something (which is OK), we each must be respectful of each other and their opinion.
  • No whining about anything.
  • Barry must keep his private area and bottom clean shaven at all times.  He is primarily responsible for shaving as needed.  However, I will frequently assist him.  (I love using shaving cream and a razor down there and enjoying the baby smooth results, especially when it comes to spanking a just shaven bottom.)
  • Barry where's women's panties at all times for underwear (given his pantie fetish, he actually enjoys this most of the time).
  • I will allow Barry to shave and groom my pubic hair as long as he leaves a normal looking triangle.
  • Barry is not allowed to masturbate without my specific permission and usually my presence.  This is one of the hardest rules for Barry to follow, so he frequently voluntarily wears a chastity device.  I do not require that, but he finds it helpful in achieving compliance.
  • Barry must limit his internet activity to only websites which I have approved unless I am present with him.  This is another tool to help him achieve compliance with the "no masturbation" rule.
  • In order to facilitate monitoring Barry's internet activity, he is not allowed to delete any browsing history from our computer.  If I find that the history has been altered, it is considered prima facie evidence that he violated the previous rule.
  • Since his serious medical condition occured, I attend all medical appointments with Barry.  I will write more specific information about this rule in a later posting.
  • Since we both retired, we have divided the housekeeping duties.  Barry's responsibilities include:  weekly vacuuming, weekly cleaning of the kitchen, daily breakfast dishes,  daily helping with dinner dishes, daily help with dinner preparations.
  • Violation of any of the rules by Barry is a spankable offense, the time and severity of the spanking to be determined by me.  Barry also agrees to accept a punishment spanking from me at at time for any other behavioral issue for which I feel he deserves to be spanked.
  • Violation of the 2nd and 3rd rules (respect and whining) by me are spankable offenses, the time and severity of the spanking to be determined by Barry (I have not yet violated these rules).
We will continue to fine tune these rules.  Spanking has always proven to be a very effective punishment for Barry, once I committed myself to administering a true punishment spanking when appropriate.  These type of punishment spankings aren't required nearly as often any more.  However, they occasionally become necessary.  Most of the spankings that Barry now receives are of the fun variety, which we each enjoy.

Best wishes to all for a Happy Thanksgiving and travel safely if you are on the road.


Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Making Devotional Sex Our Own

During my sabbatical from blogging as we each recovered and learned from our health situations, Barry and I had time to more fully explore Devotional Sex and found that we could make it our own.  I think it was good that I was not blogging, because I spent no time trying to write about it or wondering what others would think about what we were doing.  Instead, Barry and I just talked about what we were doing and how we felt about it.  We learned what was important to each of us and where the boundaries were.  It was wonderful.

The concept of Devotional Sex made a lot of sense to each of us because it led to a lot more sex.  Barry initially had some difficulty adapting to the fact that it meant less penetration and fewer orgasms.  However, he eventually realized that more sex was better, even if it was in different ways.  He has a very strong submissive nature, so the aspect of me controlling when and how we had sex was ok for him.  He also quickly realized that I was working hard to make sure I did things to please him.  That made him want to focus on ways to please me.  We could then just build from there.  I must admit that I had to learn to become comfortable with playing a more dominant role in controlling everything, but as I gained comfort, I found that I loved that role.

I think it also helped that we had moved from a very small New England community where we each had very public occupations and were constantly aware of what anyone learned about us.  We lived in a fishbowl and it was scary at times.  Since moving to a much larger urban area in the midwest and have also retired, we can now be much more anonymous.  It is now more comfortable and safe to do what feels right for us and not have to worry about what others might find out about us.

We have now developed a system of Devotional Sex that works very well for us.  It is not the pure form of DS that is shared in the website.  However, it is what works for us.  We utilize a bit more FLR than what DS would admit must occur.  Barry is probably also more submissive than what is portrayed.  And, we incorporate more kinky and fun sexual activity.  That is how I keep Barry on edge, frequently aroused, and focused on pleasing me.  And, I have grown to love that kinky edge to things.  Again, getting away from our fish bowl jobs and living situation in New England has freed me to be myself.

The best thing about Devotional Sex is that it allows us to be much more open and willing to focus on pleasing each other.  We are no longer looking for only our own pleasure.  Instead, we realize that by each trying to please each other, we will each be rewarded and pleased ... which makes us want sex much more frequently and it is more intense.

I apologize if I have rambled too much in this post.  It is hard to explain what we do and why we do it.  Hopefully as Barry and I try to share more specifics of what we do, things we become more clear.


Sunday, November 16, 2014

Where Have You Been Susan?

Whenever I reconnect with a life-long friend after a lengthy absence, she always greets me with "Where have you been Susan?".   And her question always carries a tone that is implicitly also asking me to provide an accounting of my life during the absence.  That is not always an easy thing to do.  However, since I've made the decision to return to blogging, I realize that perhaps my initial posts should at least attempt to address that question.

I also feel a need to apologize to my readers (if there are any of you left) for disappearing for so long without any explanation.  I did not intend for that to happen.  However, shortly after my last post, Barry developed a major health situation which was scary and life threatening.  He is fine now, but it was scary for a while.  Within three months of his situation, I also developed a major health issue.  I, too, am also fine now.  However, those two incidents were life changing for both of us.  It brought our mortality to the forefront and caused each of us to re-evaluate how we look at life and what is important to us.  We both realized how important life is to each of us; and how important we are to each other.  We have made a number of decisions to allow us to attempt to not only live longer, but to enjoy life and each other to its fullest.

One of the first decisions we made was for each of us to fully retire (at an earlier age than we ever anticipated).  We consider ourselves extremely lucky to have that as an option.  We also made the decision to make every possible effort to fully enjoy each other and the life we have together.

One of the first changes we made was to more fully embrace the basic concepts of "Devotional Sex" (See  We had experimented with some of its concepts before.  However, we had not fully embraced it.  While we have made some modifications to what the author of the above website specifies, we love the basic concept and it has brought our sexual intimacy to a new level.

Another decision I recently made was to return to blogging to share our ongoing experiences and journey.  I have come to the conclusion that it is important for me to do that.  Barry has also indicated that he will attempt to share more openly with his own posts, so it will become a joint effort by the two of us.  Our sexual journey has been an interesting one and life's recent events made us realize how lucky we are to be on that journey.

My/our first few blog entries will attempt to explain some of our activities and feelings regarding devotional sex.  We'll then see where the blog leads us as we move forward.

Its good to be back.