Wednesday, August 14, 2013

A Few Thoughts About Devotional Sex

Just a few thoughts about Devotional Sex and why I think it is so beneficial...

I really like the way it causes the male to focus on pleasing his partner in a very mindful way.  It creates an atmosphere where he gets pleasure from pleasing her.  In addition, by allowing her to determine what happens, e.g. how she wants to be pleasured and how and to what degree she will pleasure the male, it helps the male learn that his orgasm is not the primary focus of intimate time.  It also seems like by not allowing the male to orgasm every time, it will help him understand this more fully and appreciate it even more.

I also love the language used in DS.  In addition to "Knight" and "Princess", Devotional Sex has many terms in its own language which I feel create a romantic atmosphere of  devotional love as opposed to sex.  It takes away much of the sometimes crude or even vulgar language which exists in today's society and also puts the focus more on mindful pleasuring of your partner as the goal, as opposed to achieving an orgasm.

Following are a few examples that DS recommends and that Barry and I are becoming very comfortable with:

Pleasure - my vagina
Desire - Barry's penis
Adore - Barry lies with his head between my legs so that he is looking at my Pleasure from very close.
Pleasure Kiss - oral sex on my Pleasure
Desire Kiss - oral sex on Barry's Desire
Joy - intercourse
Joy Ride - Joy in the Cowgirl position (Barry lying on his back and me sitting on top of him)
Joy Deep - Joy in the Doggy position (me on my hands and knees and Barry penetrating my Pleasure from behind)

DS also has its own language for commands or directions that are used during love making.

Barry and I are continuing to experiment and it seems to be working.  We are spending time on the DS website ( most evenings, and then trying out some of the new things we read about.  He was quite skeptical when we began this new endeavor, but I get a sense that it is feeling better for him as we go along.  I like it very much!



  1. I've very much enjoyed your two posts on Devotional Sex and wish you the best of luck in your exploration.

    I've added a topic in my forum to send people to your blog and I've made some longer comments there. (Please let me know if I've got anything wrong.)


    Of course you should keep this blog going, but please also feel free to contribute to my forum.

    I very much look forward to your next post.

    Best regards,
    Michael (

  2. Thank you Michael for adding a topic concerning Barry and me to your forum. I just took a few minutes and added a post. Barry and I have not yet explored your forum in depth, but we will begin to do so and post when appropriate.

    Thank you again. I look forward to you continuing to comment on this blog.


  3. A lot of what you describe seems to be along the lines of the whole "male chastity lifestyle" that is talked about in a few other blogs. Other than the renaming of things, is there much of a difference in your opinion?

  4. Hi Brian. Most of the material I have seen about male chastity lifestyle seem to promote the female locking the male in chastity for long periods of time with no hope of having any sexual satisfaction. To me, Devotional Sex is very different. The Princess controls the sexual activity, including if and when the Knight orgasms. However, she also provides significant sexual "teasing/pleasing" on a regular basis even when an orgasm is not permitted. We have not yet achieved it on a regular basis, but Barry and I are working on having him "crest" multiple times during a lovemaking session instead of orgasming. To me, the goal of Devotional Sex is not to deny sexual pleasure, but for both partners to learn to mindfully work at providing pleasure to the other, with the Princess controlling things in a way that makes the Knight gain pleasure by pleasing his Princess.

    Barry and I are new at this and just learning. You may also want to visit which has a lot of excellent background information as well as a discussion forum. Michael Wilbur-Ham maintains both of those sites and has much more knowledge of this than I do.

    I hope this helps.

  5. A great reply Susan.

    I'll add a few points just to help Brian take this in:

    Chastity locks away and prevents erections. Devotional Sex celebrates the erection with him hard more often and for longer.

    In my Devotional Sex life my most common activity by far is the Devotional Cuddle - which is just quietly cuddling my partner while she holds my erection. Sometimes this is the only activity, sometimes it is how we start before moving to sexual activities, and as I don't ejaculate most of the time, a Devotional Cuddle is what we do once other sexual activity is over.

    And as Susan says, Devotional Sex leads to much more mindful sex, with both enjoying receiving and giving pleasure. It's actually quite a big step towards tantra.

    The differences between chastity and Devotional Sex are discussed further in my forum at: