Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Rethinking How to Use the Chastity Device

During our recent hiatus of being able to live together (when I had moved to care for a parent and Barry was alone), Barry reverted to his addiction to internet porn and masturbation.  My immediate reaction was to lock him up in his chastity device.  It was/is a very effective to stop the immediate problem.  However, as I have learned more about Devotional Sex, it feels like a better long term solution:  to cause Barry to desire sex/love with me (as opposed to the computer and his hand).  Since I have begun incorporating Devotional Sex in our life, I have seen changes in Barry.

So, yesterday, after reading comments on my blog and on the devotionalsex.com forum, I made a decision.  After we had cleaned up from dinner Barry and I sat down to talk in our family room.  I then told him to "Reveal", which meant he should remove all of his clothing.  That was very unusual for me to do when we were not in the bedroom.  He retired to the bedroom and returned without clothing.  I could tell that he was perplexed.

I then displayed the key to his chastity cage and told him that I planned to remove it, under the following conditions:

  • He would be out of chastity whenever we are physically together
  • He would still wear it when he went to work or any other time when I couldn't be with him
  • I explained to him that I still didn't trust him when we weren't together, but that I wanted him to experience an erection whenever I aroused him when we are together, I will frequently try to make that happen
The bottom line is that I want Barry to get aroused whenever I am with him.  I have come to realize that the chastity device prevents that.  So, it will be removed when I can trust him.  However, since I still don't trust him, it will be there when I'm not present.

This seems like a first step in moving towards more of a Devotional Sex environment.

Since my goal is to make him want to make love to me and not his computer/hand, I am already beginning of more ways to make him think of me whenever I can.



  1. I very much look forward to hearing how Barry changes under this new regime, and once he gets used to these changes, what he thinks of this different way of doing things.

    Can Devotional Sex win the battle over porn and extreme fantasy?

    My first thoughts about how Barry can earn your trust is that this is better done with reward rather than punishment.

    Perhaps one way is that in stage one you often give Barry some oral sex (without him ejaculating at the end) and make this a common pleasure for him.

    Stage two is your telling Barry that from then on he will only receive oral sex from you when he has earned your trust by not wearing the chastity device when not with you and him not misbehaving. So hopefully he will beg you for a whole day without the device so that he can behave and so that he earns the reward of receiving some oral sex.

    Once he gets used to having days without the device and behaving, you move to stage three where he is expected to behave but you don't have to give him the reward every time.

    Once you can trust him and the chastity device is no longer needed doesn't mean that you throw it away. Now that you can trust him having him sometimes wear the device when he is not with you is just a way of him remembering that he is yours.

    Every time I've been told to Reveal I've done so immediately in front of my Princess. So Barry leaving the room to undress surprised me. I know the way this should be done - it is the way my Princess prefers, so it's up to you what Barry should do when you say Reveal.

    I look forward to the next update!

  2. This is a very interesting post to me since I am also struggling with a porn addiction and trying to figure out the best method for my wife to help me overcome it. I have been interested in wife led marriage for a few years and during the past year I have communicated this to my wife and she is starting to enjoy the benefits of my service and submission to her and many more orgasms for her and very few for me.
    I have completely stopped masturbating to orgasm after many years in order to save myself for her.
    I like the concept of encouraging my desire for her and re-directing my brain from computer arousal to wife arousal.
    I also look forward to hearing more about how this works for you.

  3. Thank you Michael and MRBILL for you comments. Michael's suggestion of a phased approach makes a lot of sense to me and I think it can be successful with Barry. I especially like the idea of making sure I pleasure Barry frequently, without allowing him to ejaculate; and have been doing that this week. I also hope to post an update later today.