I have recently been having an email dialogue with a woman who lives just outside New York City. Her husband and Barry have some common interests: spanking and masturbation. Consequently, we have been sharing a good bit about them, as well as how we deal with them As part of the discussion, I have raised a little bit about the impact of Devotional Sex on Barry's and my marriage. I've realized that I probably need to tell her more, so I've decided to share my thoughts about the benefits of Devotional Sex a bit more publicly through this blog.
Devotional Sex, has had a huge impact upon our life. Before we discovered it, Barry was addicted to masturbation to a point that he couldn't 'perform' in a normal sex situation with me. That is when I learned to administer disciplinary spankings, because I was so frustrated with him. That discipline had some impact on him, but I believe that Devotional Sex had more. We still do a lot of spanking, because we each have learned to love giving and receiving erotic/fun spankings. However, the need for purely disciplinary spanking of Barry is almost nonexistent at this time. When the need for disciplinary spanking occurs (and we each occasionally need it) it is for a good reason. And when we each do it, it works.
As we explored and learned to practice aspects of Devotional Sex (DS), we learned how important it is to please each other. As an example, prior to practicing DS, I was resentful of Barry's kinky needs and I had a very hard time wanting to fulfill them. When we had intercourse, he goal was to climax. He had little concern for whether or not my needs were fulfilled. It is completely different now. We have each learned to focus on pleasing the other. I believe that the reason we learned that is because we each found that pleasing our partner made our partner want to please us. That is a wonderful, positive cycle. I also learned that by controlling Barry's orgasms, I ended up being even more desirable to him. I still don't completely understand why that is. But, I know that it works. Perhaps it is because Barry loves 'tease and denial'. I don't know. But, I do know that Barry now wants to please me because he has learned that by doing so, I want to please him. And, because I want to do that, he understands when I say "No, not tonight", it is OK. It may happen the next night. He knows it will happen at an appropriate time because I want to please him.
Another good example of the power of DS concerns how Barry has learned to manage his addiction to masturbation. When we started, he couldn't control the urge, even with the threat of disciplinary spanking. Because of that, he asked me to lock him in a chastity device when we were going to be separated. Now, he seldom asks me to lock him up. However, he frequently wears the device without a lock. From what he has shared with me, I have come to the conclusion that he does so because wearing the cage creates an awareness to him that he wants to wait for when we can make love together. That makes me love to see him wearing the cage. There are also times when I like to lock him up as a tease. He knows he will eventually get what he wants, but he doesn't know when. We each seem to benefit from my having that control ... and I can't completely explain it. I've given up trying.
I realize that I've rambled a bit, and I apologize. However, I hope that my ramblings have communicated how beneficial DS has been in our lives. I'm sure it's not for everyone, but it has been a blessing to us.