Saturday, March 7, 2015

Benefits of Devotional Sex Revisited

I have recently been having an email dialogue with a woman who lives just outside New York City.  Her husband and Barry have some common interests: spanking and masturbation.  Consequently, we have been sharing a good bit about them, as well as how we deal with them  As part of the discussion, I have raised a little bit about the impact of Devotional Sex on Barry's and my marriage.  I've realized that I probably need to tell her more, so I've decided to share my thoughts about the benefits of Devotional Sex a bit more publicly through this blog.

Devotional Sex, has had a huge impact upon our life.  Before we discovered it, Barry was addicted to masturbation to a point that he couldn't 'perform' in a normal sex situation with me.  That is when I learned to administer disciplinary spankings, because I was so frustrated with him.  That discipline had some impact on him, but I believe that Devotional Sex had more.  We still do a lot of spanking, because we each have learned to love giving and receiving erotic/fun spankings.  However, the need for purely disciplinary spanking of Barry is almost nonexistent at this time. When the need for disciplinary spanking occurs (and we each occasionally need it) it is for a good reason.  And when we each do it, it works.

As we explored and learned to practice aspects of Devotional Sex (DS), we learned how important it is to please each other.  As an example, prior to practicing DS, I was resentful of Barry's kinky needs and I had a very hard time wanting to fulfill them.  When we had intercourse, he goal was to climax.  He had little concern for whether or not my needs were fulfilled.  It is completely different now.  We have each learned to focus on pleasing the other.  I believe that the reason we learned that is because we each found that pleasing our partner made our partner want to please us.  That is a wonderful, positive cycle.  I also learned that by controlling Barry's orgasms, I ended up being even more desirable to him.  I still don't completely understand why that is.  But, I know that it works.  Perhaps it is because Barry loves 'tease and denial'.  I don't know.  But, I do know that Barry now wants to please me because he has learned that by doing so, I want to please him.  And, because I want to do that, he understands when I say "No, not tonight", it is OK.  It may happen the next night.  He knows it will happen at an appropriate time because I want to please him.

Another good example of the power of DS concerns how Barry has learned to manage his addiction to masturbation.  When we started, he couldn't control the urge, even with the threat of disciplinary spanking.  Because of that, he asked me to lock him in a chastity device when we were going to be separated.  Now, he seldom asks me to lock him up.  However, he frequently wears the device without a lock.  From what he has shared with me, I have come to the conclusion that he does so because wearing the cage creates an awareness to him that he wants to wait for when we can make love together.  That makes me love to see him wearing the cage.  There are also times when I like to lock him up as a tease.  He knows he will eventually get what he wants, but he doesn't know when.  We each seem to benefit from my having that control ... and I can't completely explain it.  I've given up trying.

I realize that I've rambled a bit, and I apologize.  However, I hope that my ramblings have communicated how beneficial DS has been in our lives.  I'm sure it's not for everyone, but it has been a blessing to us.



  1. Thank you Susan. Although Mistress K. and I don't follow Devotional Sex as it is outlined on their page(s), coincidently we do wholeheartedly believe in many of the things espoused there.

    Like Barry, I would allow masturbation to slowly take some of my sexual energy that most definitely "belonged" to the woman that I loved. I wasn't a chronic masturbator but rather it was something that I would just decide to do when the mood struck me. Like in the shower, or when I found myself alone some times. I can honestly say that I never, ever purposely substituted masturbation for sex with my wife, but more and more I became less interested in vanilla, traditional sex with my beloved wife because I was drained of sexually energy that I had allowed to be spent elsewhere ... like the shower drain.

    Orgasm control is one of the cornerstones, one of the anchor points of our current loving, Female Led Relationship. Having the gift of Mistress controlling my orgasms deciding when or even if I am allowed to engage in any sexual activity whatsoever. ANY sexual activity whatsoever, including merely touching myself without permission.

    What has come of this has been nothing short of spectacular in all areas of our life. We communicate better than ever before. We canoodle like teenage lovers and we ache for each other when we are apart.

    Yes, Devotional Sex is a wonderful thing for those that want an aspect of female control in a relationship, but may not want to go to far down the kink road. This woman fro New York was lucky to have found you!

  2. I haven't masturbated for years and my main goal was to always please my wife/mistress. As at times I will cum too quickly I learned to service her orally until she is close then enter her. So you could say I've practiced devotional sex without knowing it. As far as a cage goes we have discussed it and I would love to wear one for her just as another way to show my submission. Maybe some day she will tell me to buy a cage for her.

  3. We have a rule at home: no self-masturbation (some limited touching is tolerated, but no orgasm), since this saps energy for marital sex.

    We also tolerate masturbation to orgasm when away on travel.

    This is a request from my wife from the beginning of our relationship, when she became to really enjoy intercourse a lot: there was an incident when I had masturbated and she came to bed and hey I was just spent.

    It's also good for marital relationships. Even if we don't have intercourse, a handjob or fingering or oral from the spouse is more playful than self-pleasuring.

    We also have a rule: if masturbating when on travel or the spouse is away, no inappropriate fantasies.

  4. A husband should always be in a horny state. When we a thirsty, we drink. When hungry, we eat. When horny, men want to masturbate if their wives are not receptive at the moment. Staying horny and aroused is something that should not be taken care of. It makes a man a better husband, he will have more energy, be more attentive to his wife and do much better housework. My wife keeps me without orgasm for 4 months at a time, limiting me to 3 orgasms a year if my behavior has been exceptional. I have learned to love the feeling of high arousal and use it to please my wife.