I initially found the Devotional Sex website and shared it with Susan. I thought it was interesting and I was fascinated with the idea of Susan controlling my sexual urges and needs. Much to my surprise, she expressed interest in the concept, so we began to play with her being in charge. I have to admit that it is very different than I imagined. It gave her an opportunity to make sure I knew what she liked and didn't like about our sex life. It also provided her with the boldness to make sure I knew what she enjoyed; and didn't enjoy. It became a real learning experience for me. I quickly learned that I had not come close to meeting her sexual needs because I had been so focused on meeting my own.
So, that is where we started. I decided to embrace the concept and I worked very hard to understand her needs; and to try to meet them. That was probably the best decision I have every made. My sense is that because I worked hard to sexually please her, she has worked equally hard to please me. The outcome is that we now each are working hard to please each other, instead of just looking to be pleased.
However, let's also think about some of the practical aspects from my perspective. There are times when Susan leaves me 'high and dry'. I am completely frustrated. I am completely horny, and she says "It's time to stop". That was initially not fun at all! However, I slowly came to the realization that my needs would eventually be met at a level much higher than I ever imagined during our previous years of marriage. That has been a true gift to me from my wonderful wife. And, I have learned to please her, which I know has been something she never dreamed I would be able to do.
So, here we are ... just having retired. We have the most free time we have ever had. And, we have learned to please each other. Life couldn't be better. Of course, I still get frustrated when Susan say "It's time to stop". However, I have also learned that by focusing on her, she now also focuses on me. And when she does, it is wonderful.
Bottom Line: Devotional Sex has taught us how to please each other and we both benefit. I wouldn't change it for the world.
Barry
I don't understand why both your needs can't be met, why is it that she says its time to stop? Seems selfish to me, like she's trying to get revenge for when her needs weren't met....
ReplyDeleteI'm actually pretty curious as to Susan and Barry's reactions to Dave's comment.
ReplyDeleteMy wife and I have been practicing some form of what you are talking about. I am a submissive and she seems to enjoy being dominant on occasion.
I DO get a lot of pleasure from being denied orgasm. It has to do with my inherent sexual submissiveness. It turns me on to think that sex is for HER pleasure. She isn't completely dominant, but we have an understanding that she controls my orgasms. I am not allowed to masturbate and during our playtime, I ask permission to come. Sometimes, I really do want to come (say, if I have been denied for over a week or so) and other times it is actually my preference not to have an orgasm. The pleasure I get from this seems very counter-intuitive (another way of saying that I am a pervert) and trying to understand why I am this way is a big reason I like to blog.
I have settled on this:
I am submissive and love the concept that sex is for her pleasure
I do feel a strong since of intimacy in pleasuring her, perhaps even a little more than when I come myself.
I enjoy submitting to her control of my orgasms, and she likes the control also
When I do come, I get somewhat of an "orgasm hangover". Yes, the orgasm is VERY pleasurable, but all the neurochemicals get out of whack, I lose my submissive desires and can actually be quite grouchy afterwards. I love that that does NOT happen to her. It's obvious to both of us that I am a better husband when I am denied. I am less lazy. I wish this weren't so. But it's true. It's almost like the six seconds of pleasure isn't worth the day-long lull.
So, I would answer Dave's comment that being denied is actually very pleasurable to me.
Thank you lovetosubmit for writing this post for me. That it nearly word for word exactly how I feel about being denied orgasm. There are many times when we are having sex on a Saturday morning and I don't get and don't want permission to come because I want to be in the right state to be of service to my wife all day and I know that having an orgasm is going to put me into the post orgasm slump.
ReplyDeleteI think that all men should learn as soon as possible that it is of the utmost importance that they put their penis away and focus on her pleasure first. The world would be a better place.
Like Barry said, I can't believe it took me so long to figure this out, but it is the best thing ever and I would certainly not go back to the way it was before.
Thank you Barry for taking the time and effort to write about this. You and Susan are my role models.
Bill
Dave posed a question that probably many men who have not experienced the joy of Devotional Sex all share. Thank you Dave, for asking it.
ReplyDeleteAlso, thank you to lovetosubmit and MRBILL for sharing your thoughts and feelings on this topic.
Rather than respond to the question with just a comment, I plan to take Dave's question and use it as a topic for a separate post in the next few days. It deserves more attention than just a simple answer from me as a comment.
Thanks again to the three of you.
Susan
You and I are on the same wavelength. Many years ago I asked my wife to deny me after she had her orgasms. She could not figure out why at first, but very quickly she saw the advantages and I stayed horny and without orgasm for longer and longer. I would be permitted to enter her for only a certain amount of strokes that she would specify and then out . And no cumming was allowed during those strokes in her pussy.
ReplyDeleteIt is now almost 20 years later and it is better than ever. My wife has not allowed me to cum at all this year, she has said I must wait the whole year of 2014 without cumming. Going back the last 3 years, I came 4 times in 2012, 3 times in 2013 and none this year. That is 7 orgasms in 3 years. She loves it because I am always so horny and always looking to please her in every way. I wear panties 24/7, and every morning she rubs me thru the panties, a great tease and denial session. She gets her orgasms about twice a week. I will lick her and use her vibrators, then her nightly foot and leg rub and off to sleep. She says wives should never be horny, only husbands. I am so horny, just the way she wants me to be. Devotional sex is wonderful!
Susan I look forward to your post about this. I guess I'm not submissive enough to understand the appeal...
ReplyDeleteDave