In a comment to Barry's recent post about Devotional Sex, Dave said "I don't understand why both your needs can't be met, why is it that she says its time to stop? Seems selfish to me, like she's trying to get revenge for when her needs weren't met....". I was initially a little offended by Dave's implication that I am trying to gain revenge with Barry for when my needs weren't met. As I've had time to think about the comment more, I realize that perhaps I haven't adequately explained how and why DS works for Barry and me.
With DS, Barry and I each now approach sex from a perspective of desiring to please our partner. I actually now do many things for Barry's pleasure that I couldn't imagine doing two or three years ago. Barry also provides pleasure to me in many new ways from several years ago. However, Barry and I have also come to understand that pleasure doesn't always have to include an orgasm. I don't experience one every time we make love, but that doesn't mean I haven't been pleasured and feel wonderful. Barry feels the same way. There are times when cuddling is all I want. There are also times when Barry finds it very pleasurable to be teased and denied. Barry and I have also found that his not always achieving an orgasm keeps him more aroused and attentive. We each like that. Several male readers also commented about their experience with respect to that outcome of DS.
I also realize that DS is not for everyone. Our version of it works very nicely for Barry and me, which is the important thing to us. I hope our sharing helps others find whatever way works best for them in their sexual relationship, whether or not it involves DS.