Before I begin the heart of this post, I would first like to thank each of you who left comments to my last post. They trigger lots of thoughts, which I will be trying to address in my next few posts, assuming I don't get distracted onto something else :-).
The thoughts from "ahumanishere" got me thinking about whether or not I view my self as a HOH and if Barry and I have a typical (whatever that means) FLR. I have given lots of thought to that over the past few days. I've come to the conclusion that I don't expect to be the HOH with respect to all things. Barry and I have been married for many years and have always worked together as a team in making decisions. That is not going to go away. However, our relationship has definitely changed since I started spanking him, especially with respect to many aspects of sex and lovemaking.
However, I don't view myself as the HOH. But .... I do feel like I have taken over the leadership and responsibility for our sex life and lovemaking. And, I like that.
Prior to learning that Barry has a spanking fetish, our sex life and lovemaking was pure vanilla and it was controlled primarily by Barry. I have to admit that I essentially defaulted my responsibility and leadership to him. For all those years, we didn't do much more than missionary position with respect to sex. Much of the reason for that was because I wasn't very responsive to trying new things.
However, after the spanking revelation I started sitting with Barry as he surfed the internet. My eyes were opened to many things that I never knew existed. Somehow I gathered the courage to try some of them, and I discovered a very latent and hidden sex drive. To say that it surprised me would be a huge understatement. In reality, it shocked both Barry and me.
I now love having control of our sexual activities. I have had more orgasms in the past year than I did in all of our previous years of marriage. It excites me to be able to tease Barry and control when and how he orgasms. I love putting him in his chastity device and then seeing how excited he is to have it removed. I also love being able to control what positions we use for penetration and cunnilingus to insure that Barry completely pleases me.
Barry also seems much more satisfied. There are some latent sexual needs that he has brought forth that he could never find a way to previously share with me (we both had that challenge). He also seems perfectly happy to let me control things in the bedroom, including his chastity, his wearing panties, and his not always knowing how or if he will orgasm, etc.
Sooooo, I can't say that I am, or want to be, the HOH. However, we definitely have a FLR with respect to our sex life. I guess what I am pleased about is the fact that it seems to work for us at this time. I am also very appreciative of the comments from "ahumanishere. They helped me think through where Barry and I are and understand it.
Susan
Susan,
ReplyDeleteYour husband is very lucky to have you. Changing the dynamics of a marriage isn't easy and most couples just ignore the signs and become more and more distant from one another. It takes a lot courage to explore the secrets we hide from those closest to us.
Your doing great....ahumanishere
Ms. Susan-
ReplyDeleteI had to chuckle reading your reference to a 'typical' FLR. In my humble opinion, I don't think there is such a thing. In fact, one of the things I love about those of us who share the details of their FLR is how different we all approach things.
And I found your comments regarding the role of HOH very interesting. I think that Cora and I, like you and Barry mostly share much of that function. However, when it comes to the 'final word', in our case we consider that that role belongs to Cora. This applies especially to anything that has to do with my behavior (or more specifically, her interpretation of my behavior).
So as we are doing, enjoy the evolution of your FLR.
Ken (and Cora, too)