Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Learning as We Go

During the past week, I finally realized that Barry and I needed to have a serious discussion and that he needed to make some significant changes with respect to his performance in the bedroom.  Since we became more active again during the past month or so, and since I have been using his chastity device to keep him from self-pleasuring, his ability to provide me with the physical pleasure I crave and need has significantly diminished.  When we first started this new way of life over a year ago, we were each striving for ways to please each other.  It was wonderful!  I love finding new ways to tease and please him, but I also need to be fulfilled.  And, recently that has not been happening very often.

During the past month,his suggestions for new things to do together always seemed to focus on his pleasure.  To make matters worse, since he has been in chastity, he is very quickly arroused and reaches an orgasm much too quickly to meet my needs.  Gone are the days when I can ride him and control his ability to orgasm to meet my needs.  Consequently, we seem to be back to the days of a quick love-making session which leaves him fulfulled and me frustrated.

Because of all of this, I've been exploring new blogs on my own.  In the past I only did this while monitoring Barry.  I now realize that most of what I had been reading with him was written from the male perspective.  I really didn't take enough time to explore things on my own.  I recently discovered, which is written by a woman about my age who has clearly taken charge of her own sexual needs.  She is married to a younger submissive man, but also has a lover who possesses what she refers to as a "Trophy Cock" (TC).  Both men are bisexual, which makes things even more confusing to me.  Her relationship is not what I am seekeing.  However, what I have learned from reading her blog is that she has taken charge of things and makes sure her needs are met.  She has helped me realize that I need to find a way to do the same thing in a way that makes sense for me.

I now realize that I made the mistake of constantly trying to please Barry, assuming that he would do the same for me.  At times he did.  However, I am slowly learning that men don't always do that. So, I am now determined to really take control.  I want to continue to please my #1 guy, but also make sure he pleases me.

So, Barry and I had a significant 'heart to heart' talk last night.  I think he understood my needs and concerns.  Most importantly, he agreed to what I proposed, which was the following:
  • I will be in charge of our sexual relationship
  • His responsibility is to insure that I am sexually pleased
  • His sexual pleasure will only occur after I am appropriately satisfied
  • We will each strive to find new ways to pleasure each other
  • He will wear his chastity device whenever I want him to do so
  • We will continue to openly discuss our sexual needs and strive to find ways to mutually meet them
  • We each will strive to getting to a point where we can orgasm together, but that will take more work and discussion.
After our discussion and agreement, I locked Barry in his chastity device.  I shared with him that he will not be released from it until he provides me with an orgasm.  When that occurs, he will be released and I will make sure he achieves orgasm. 



  1. Susan,

    Barry seems to be the one controlling this relationship. You need to find out how to implement discipline that doesn't turn him on. Being the HOH is a great responsibility. You sound like an unbelievably loving and caring wife who has unselfishly tried to meet her husbands sexual needs. Remember, a real, loving relationship based on Female Authority includes all aspects of your lives....not just the sexual parts. Barry needs to understand that you are the HOH and his role is to please you and obey you, regardless of whether or not it turns him on.


  2. Susan, I'm a bit confused as to just what form your love making is taking. In the beginning of this post, it seemed to me that you were releasing your husband from chastity so that he could penetrate you, but he was cumming too quickly to please you. You mentioned that you used to control his orgasms before the advent of the chastity device and he was much better at satisfying you.

    Then at the very end of the blog, you said you'd decided to keep him in chastity until he gave you an orgasm. What I don't understand is just how he's supposed to give you an orgasm with his cock in chastity. Nowhere in your discussion did you mention anything about his using his tongue or using a dildo to satisfy you. His problem seemed to be one of premature ejaculation, and he certainly could - and should - have been using his tongue to get you off all along, but you make no mention of that, so I assumed you weren't interested in cunnilingus. If that's true, I ask once again how he's supposed to bring you to orgasm with his cock when his cock is locked up. I must be missing something here. Please clarify if you would.

  3. Lady Grey, After I posted that entry, it dawned on me that I had not shared sufficient information. Thank you for asking for clarity. Barry does provide some wonderful cunnilingus and that is how I am requiring him to provide me with an orgasm prior to being released. However, I also really enjoy vaginal orgasms from penetration, which Barry used to be able to provide as well. At this point, I'm assuring that at least I orgasm, but am also exploring solutions to solve Barry's premature ejacuation issue when he has been caged.


  4. As a guy whose wife controls his orgasms, I completely understand both your problems. You want to have a least the occasional (or perhaps more frequent) orgasm from PIV sex, and Barry has developed a hair trigger.

    You have to understand that a man who is locked in a chastity device and not permitted to have orgasms on a whim thinks about sex ALL THE TIME. His little head is running the show, so when it meets up the moist warmth of your vagina, guess what happens, regardless of how badly he wants to satisfy you and give you a bunch of earth shattering O's.

    My wife, CH, isn't the world's biggest fan of cunnilingus (much to my disappointment, but...) and she really enjoys intercourse, so I'm limited as to how I can give her a great climax, which I always want to do. Since I'm in the same boat as Barry, I have a lot of trouble lasting when she wants a good vigourous fucking. When I come prematurely it's not the end of the world, but...

    We've discussed a couple of options (going back to our pre-chastity days isn't one of them), and while we haven't gone out and purchased a strap-on for me to wear, we have been experimenting with numbing ointments applied to my erection.

    We're still trying to get the amount and timing of application tuned in, but it seems that we're on the right track.

    Give it a try! Trial and error will show that when you use too much cream, he'll lose all sensation in his cock, and will lose his erection. Just the right amount and he'll have enough sensation to stay hard, but not enough to trigger an orgasm, and will be able to hump away til you're satisfied. Just remember to wipe any excess cream off of him before penetration, or you'll end up numbing your naughty bits too.

    Any cream with a local anesthetic such as benzocaine in it will work. Emla Cream, Ambesol, or one of several available in adult sex shops will do the trick.

    I hope you have some luck resolving the issue, and able to get Barry on side for some satisfying sex.

  5. The post seems to be very personal and tuned just for the two of you.

    The only thing I'll say is to remind you that whatever you do - keep him in the CB, take him out, whatever - you do it for you.

    As has been said, keeping him in the CB will constantly remind him about the sexual situation, and you may not want that. Then again, maybe you do. Whatever, so long as you do it for you.

  6. Check on line, there is a company that has an attachment fot the CB 3000 and CB 6000. The cage comes off the locking ring and a hollow dildo is put on , the pins are refastened and your hubby's cock is safe inside it. My wife and I use it all the time, since she makes me wait 2 months minimum to cum. The dildo sheath is firm, I cannot feel a thing when inside her, but it is lifelike enough to give her great pleasure. I thrust in and out of her until she says take it out. Then she reapplies the cage portion, goes to sleep very happy. I am left even more frustrated, the way she said I should always be.