Harry Haversackers provided a very interesting comment to my last posting. Ir really caused me to stop and ponder a lot of things today. He insightfully pointed out that Barry's kink that causes him to masturbate is domestic discipline. That raises the question of whether physical punishment can be effective with respect to making him stop masturbating. Comments from others had also pointed in that same direction, but didn't quite grab me. But, today that question caused me to spend a lot of time in thought. It compelled me to go back and really think about what excites Barry, and whether I am currently causing him to feel punishment.
As a result of my pondering today, here are my current thoughts. It is clear that Barry fantasizes about spanking, both being spanked and spanking beautiful young ladies. It is also clear that he loves to fantasize about a wide variety of kinky sexual activity. I suspect that some of you might be amazed at the variety of his photo and video collection he amassed on our PC. I was, and it took me months to come to grips with the fact that my husband had these interests that he never shared with me.
Through this blog and the exposure and feedback it provided, I slowly came to grips with Barry's interests. I began to explore them. The good news is that I found that I really enjoyed some of them, which led me to become much more dominant in our marriage. Three years ago, I could have never imagined doing many of the sexual things that Barry and I now do, or inflicting the pain of a punishment spanking on anyone, especially Barry. I now love the sexual variety that some of Barry's kinks provide.
I still don't enjoy inflicting punishment, but I have slowly learned that it is one way of controlling Barry. I say that because I have come to realize that Barry likes to fantasize. However, I quickly found that when he experienced some of his fantasies, the reality of them was not very pleasurable for him. For example, Barry has a huge collection of photos and videos of men being spanked very hard. They really excite him. But, I quickly learned that when I spank hard, his erection disappears and he begs for mercy. Fantasy and reality are two very different things.
So, what I have seemed to learn is that Barry has lots of fantasies that really excite him ... and cause him to want to masturbate about them (rather than make love to me). That was a hard pill to swallow. However, I have swallowed it. And, I have found that I love being able to control Barry. That excites me and gives me the ability to make him do things that sexually fulfill me. And, three years ago I could have never forced him to do those things.
I have also learned that Barry's fantasies are not nearly as exciting to him in real life. Fantasizing about receiving a hard spanking is exciting to him. Actually receiving one is a completely different matter. Fantasizing about chastity is exciting. Being locked in a device is not. Fantasizing about a controlling wife or partner is exciting. Having a wife who actually takes charge is not. And, masturbating is exciting and fun when he can do it when he pleases. However, being forced to jerk off in front of me, especially when he has no desire to do so, is not fun.
I have also come to realize that Barry does not like to be embarrassed or lose control of a situation. I think that this issue was a key factor in the situation that developed when his sister spanked him and took control away from both Barry and me. There was a huge loss of control and huge embarrassment.
So,where does all of this lead me? I find that delivering a prolonged, painful spanking to Barry is definitely punishment. I still find it hard to do so, but I know it changes his behavior. I also find that causing him to lose control by creating embarrassing situations for him is also effective. From my experience in making him masturbate in a restaurant bathroom, I am inclined to pursue some of the suggestions that others have made.
I have also found during the past couple of days that making Barry masturbate many times each day, and using my Hitachi on him when he can't even seem to achieve an erection are extremely punishing for him. For example, by the time we went to bed last night, I couldn't even get Barry hard by using the Hitachi. When I tried to do so, it was obvious to me that it was painful and humiliating. That reality was far different from what he would have probably fantasized about.
So, at this point, I think I have found a way to punish Barry ... and your support has convinced me that I am correct in pursuing punishment. It is going to be a long time before Barry receives any stimulation other than from his hand or my Hitachi. And, any bad attitude will result in a punishment spanking that will not meet his fantasies.
In closing, I can't tell you how much I appreciate the feedback and support I receive from this blog. I never asked to be put in this position. However, it has caused me to grow and this community has been a huge part of helping me to do that.