I really do not enjoy being the center of attention. If I am honest, I will say that I hate it. But, I was excited when Susan informed me that Carol and Helen were going to witness my punishment last week. I don't know how to explain that. And, even though I was excited, at the same time I was fearful.
Carol has witnessed my spankings in the past. She has also spanked me. I am very comfortable with her. As family, I have always felt there was a bond of trust that nothing would be shared with anyone else without Susan's and my permission. But Helen is someone I don't really know. I have met her and had mindless conversations with her at parties. However, she is not family and I don't know whether there is any sense of confidentiality on her part. I just didn't know.
So, I entered the evening last week both excited and very nervous. I was much more nervous when I entered the living room after dinner that night. When I saw the brush and Jokari paddle on the coffee table, it took my breath away. The brush is always hard for me because of its deep penetrating pain. The Jokari is new to me. But it looked thick and big. I hate heavy wood paddles. I also know that Susan knows that. So it made me realize that she was purposely going to scare the heck out of me and probably spank me in an extremely hard way.
Needless to say, my fears and concerns only increased as the evening progressed. When Susan exposed me and removed my cage in front of Helen, it was extremely embarrassing. Helen's comments about my cute little bald penis in a cage and panties didn't help. I didn't know where she was coming from. Having Susan make me rub my cock with my panties only made things worse. At that point, I can say that my feeling went from embarrassment to humiliation. That was another indication to me that Susan really planned to punish me that night. The strange thing is that I felt that I deserved it. So, I was still OK. The final spanking was really the worst part of the evening. I don't think Susan has ever spanked me that hard before and the Jokari is a really nasty paddle. The redness didn't fade completely until three days after the spanking and I felt tenderness in my lower cheeks for almost a week.
One commenter asked if this punishment made a significant impression on me to cause me to stop masturbating. It certainly did, at least for the present time. However, I also know that time causes the memory and the pain to fade. And, I don't think it will matter because Susan has made to very clear to me that I will not be let out of my cage when I am unsupervised anytime in the foreseeable future! I can't really blame her. I realize I have a long way to go to earn her trust again.
I'm also OK with that. I like it when she takes charge of me and I like the fact that we are getting back into practicing some aspects of Devotional Sex again.