Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Making Devotional Sex Our Own

During my sabbatical from blogging as we each recovered and learned from our health situations, Barry and I had time to more fully explore Devotional Sex and found that we could make it our own.  I think it was good that I was not blogging, because I spent no time trying to write about it or wondering what others would think about what we were doing.  Instead, Barry and I just talked about what we were doing and how we felt about it.  We learned what was important to each of us and where the boundaries were.  It was wonderful.

The concept of Devotional Sex made a lot of sense to each of us because it led to a lot more sex.  Barry initially had some difficulty adapting to the fact that it meant less penetration and fewer orgasms.  However, he eventually realized that more sex was better, even if it was in different ways.  He has a very strong submissive nature, so the aspect of me controlling when and how we had sex was ok for him.  He also quickly realized that I was working hard to make sure I did things to please him.  That made him want to focus on ways to please me.  We could then just build from there.  I must admit that I had to learn to become comfortable with playing a more dominant role in controlling everything, but as I gained comfort, I found that I loved that role.

I think it also helped that we had moved from a very small New England community where we each had very public occupations and were constantly aware of what anyone learned about us.  We lived in a fishbowl and it was scary at times.  Since moving to a much larger urban area in the midwest and have also retired, we can now be much more anonymous.  It is now more comfortable and safe to do what feels right for us and not have to worry about what others might find out about us.

We have now developed a system of Devotional Sex that works very well for us.  It is not the pure form of DS that is shared in the DevotionalSex.com website.  However, it is what works for us.  We utilize a bit more FLR than what DS would admit must occur.  Barry is probably also more submissive than what is portrayed.  And, we incorporate more kinky and fun sexual activity.  That is how I keep Barry on edge, frequently aroused, and focused on pleasing me.  And, I have grown to love that kinky edge to things.  Again, getting away from our fish bowl jobs and living situation in New England has freed me to be myself.

The best thing about Devotional Sex is that it allows us to be much more open and willing to focus on pleasing each other.  We are no longer looking for only our own pleasure.  Instead, we realize that by each trying to please each other, we will each be rewarded and pleased ... which makes us want sex much more frequently and it is more intense.

I apologize if I have rambled too much in this post.  It is hard to explain what we do and why we do it.  Hopefully as Barry and I try to share more specifics of what we do, things we become more clear.



  1. I don't feel you rambled. You did a good job of explaining what is working for you and Barry. Each of us must find what fits us best and it appears you and Barry are on that road. I'm sure Barry is loving being submissive to you. In my submission I find I can't stop wanting to please her it's wonderful.

  2. No rambling was noticed on my end at all. I've always enjoyed the Devotional Sex blog and their tumblr site as well. Lime you and Barry, Mistress K. and I practice somewhere between pure DS and pure D/s in our beautiful FLM.

    Thank you for a wonder ful post. Hope to see more of you around.


  3. I can certainly relate to your evolving relationship style. That sounds very much like what I think our relationship is becoming as we find time after kids (or soon will be) to put more attention on each other.
    We are both devoted to loving and doing as much as possible for each other.
    I am definitely finding great enjoyment in submissiveness and service and I think my wife is also finding it okay to be the natural dominant that I knew was there to be encouraged.
    I have always enjoyed your blog posts in the past and look forward to reading more in the future.

  4. Great to have you back blogging Susan - I've missed you over the last year.

    Also great to hear that Devotional Sex is still a part of your life.

    The importance of defining pure Devotional Sex is that this makes it clear that Devotional Sex is something different from D/s and femdom. That is why I make a fuss about Devotional Sex not being a dominant woman with a submissive male doing kinky things.

    Having defined pure Devotional Sex it is then up to each couple to work out what works best for them, and this is very likely to include bits of other techniques. For those also interested in femdom then they might end up doing 80% Devotional Sex with only 20% femdom and kink, 50/50, or 80% femdom and kink with only a touch of Devotional Sex.

    I'm very much looking forward to reading more about what works for Susan and Barry.

    Once again, great to have you back! Best wishes, Michael.

  5. Thank you each for your comments and insights. Devotional Sex is something that has become very meaningful and helpful for our relationship. I plan to try to share more and have also suggested to Barry that he share is feelings about DS from the Knight's perspective. It seems like he is seriously considering it.