Monday, November 24, 2014

What is Devotional Sex - to Susan and Barry

In a recent comment, "lovetosubmit"asked the following question:

  • I've seen the devotional sex blog a bit. But could you go into a little more detail as to what your take on it is? Is it basically sex is for the wife's pleasure? Is it femdom? Seems like a bit of a mix.
I thought this might be a good topic for this post.

For Barry and me, Devotional Sex has been a new way of looking at sex and making love.  Before I learned of Barry's strong desires to be spanked and his submissive nature, we were stuck in a very old fashioned way of expressing our love for each other in a sexual way.  I felt compelled to allow Barry to have sex with me even if it didn't give me much pleasure.  And, Barry looked at sex with one goal.  He wanted to have an orgasm.  If he provided me with the ability to orgasm, that was a side benefit.   It was awful, especially for me.

Once I learned of what I initially thought were Barry's unusual kinky needs, and realized that I needed to embrace them, a new world opened up to us.  We began to communicate and be honest with each other about how we felt about sex.  When we discovered and talked about "Devotional Sex" it opened more new doors.  We realized that the goal should be to focus on pleasing each other.  To us, that was the "devotional" part.  

My sense is that the Devotional Sex concept of putting the female in charge of sex is a way of overcoming that old-fashioned perspective of sex is primarily for the male.  For Barry, it was a no-brainer because he loves to be submissive.  It was initially difficult for me to make the transition and take charge.  However, I have done so.  I now love being in charge and Barry loves me assuming that role.  I have also come to realize that keeping Barry very horny is a good thing.  We have also each learned that by desiring to please each other we each reap great benefits.

So, to try to find a way to sum things up, Devotional Sex for us is a tool that allowed us to realize the important thing is for us to focus on pleasing each other.  We are continually finding out how best to do that, which I will try to share in this blog.  For us, it is not femdom.  But I also have to admit that I am difinitely dominant, which is what Barry wants.  The reason I say it is not femdom is because I interpret that word to mean a 'bitchy, mean woman'.  That is not me.  But, I have learned to be in charge in a loving and caring way, because that is what Barry needs and wants.

I hope all of this makes sense to those who read it.  This is not an easy subject to explain.  I'll keep trying.


PS ... Thank you  "lovetosubmit" for your question.  I hope I have begun to answer it.


  1. Devotional Sex is a wonderful thing! In my own FLR, even though there are plenty of kinks and spanking is used for punishments, the concet is very much like what is explained in the Devotional Sex website.

    What a lovely post. Thank you for sharing.

  2. You explained it quite well. Once we started our FLR and my wife began telling me what to do to please her life became much happier. As her submissive I love having her tell me how to sexually please her and we both go to sleep happy.

  3. You described it perfectly . My wife and I are in a WLM for over 15 years now, and it only gets better. We have been married over 35 years and the children are on their own for some time. My wife controls all of our sex. I get teased and denied every morning before we get out of bed. She will rub me thru my panties, and maybe every 2 weeks edge me.

    Orgasms for me are not allowed this year. She has been making me wait all of 2014 without cumming. She said maybe in 2015 if I continue to behave. In any given year before this, the most time she allowed me to have an orgasm was 4 times a year. Most years were 3 times. She loves to keep me so horny, she loves my attitude and the pampering she gets. And she hates the down time I experience after she allows me to cum. So she finds limiting my orgasms keeps me a better husband, more attentive and obedient to her.

    Of course she gets hermorgasms about twice a week. I will use my tongue and several of her many vibrators to give her 5 to 8 orgasms. Then a nightly back or foot rub and we go to,sleep. She says orgasms are mainly for wives, and a wife should never feel horny. And a horny husband is a good husband! We have the best relationship I could imagine. I am her husband, but also her slave.

    As for my denial, I do,wear a chastity device on occasion, but only at my request. She does not like it, she feels it is a artificial method of control.. If she says no cumming,,that is it, I may not disobey. She feels I do not need the CB 6000. If she says no cumming, it is no cumming. She does have to punish me every few months for poor attitude or poor housework, but I have learned to obey and worship her.

  4. I learned about femdom and FLR before I found the Devotional Sex site. There are many aspects of Devotional Sex that appeal to me. I think that you have found, as I have, that it may be a little too structured but has some aspects that work well for us.
    As with so many of these things, find what works best for you.
    It is a shame that there is such a stereotype to the term femdom. I think it scares many women away from becoming involved in what their men really want and need, a woman who is in charge in a loving and caring way.
    I also agree with you that there is nothing wrong with that loving and caring including painful spankings.

  5. I'm honored that you chose to write a blog post based on my question. Thank you! I suppose that we are practicing a form of devotional sex.

    To try to make a long story short, I'm the type of person that likes to explore new things. My wife was very vanilla and even if I asked her to tie me up or do anything "different" she was very opposed to it. I read various message boards about cuckolding and male orgasm denial and they really turned me on. I "came out" to her about my kinky desires and it took her a long time to wrap her head around it. She was kinda like "I'm not supposed to let you come now?". It is kinda weird. The more traditional view of sex is that it keeps going until the male ejaculations and then it's all over. I always cared a lot that my wife had a good time, but in a lot of ways I was still selfish, really just focused on my own release. Moving that in the other direction has been a fun ride for both of us. I suppose that one of my motivations was that if she didn't feel any pressure to please me, maybe we would have more sex. That's kinda happened. I know that she does feel much more secure in knowing that I get a great deal of satisfaction in pleasuring her alone. She doesn't have to let me ejaculate inside her or give me a blowjob or handjob if she doesn't want to. It's all about what she wants. And that makes me very happy.

    I am endlessly fascinated with female sexuality, and trying to understand how her cycle affects her receptiveness to sex. Since she has been in charge, we do have less intercourse (perhaps she doesn't like the mess?). I am not sure that she is 100% comfortable with cunnilingus, but she is much more open to it, and I think I am better at it. We use the vibrator a lot, but that's because we are often very tired for more playful encounters. She will often hold on to my erection or my scrotum while she comes with me applying the vibrator, and she says something like, "ok, time for bed". It's reasonable to say that our sex life is on her terms.

    She isn't always "dominant" but she does enjoy tormenting me, especially slapping my balls and lately twisting my nipples. I think she is turned on by the power she has over me. I am much, much stronger than her, and yet she commands so much power over me just in a small part of my body.

    what can I say? It's been really fun, and I don't have any desire to go back to being "vanilla". Sorry, this wasn't shorter :-)

  6. My wife and I hit a rough spot in our 12 year marriage last year and it centered around sex and intimacy.

    When I found the devotional sex website, everything I read could have applied to me. I LOVE pleasing and pleasuring my wife. We talked about devotional sex and the website and she found it spoke to her dominant personality.

    It also helped her with her body image concerns. We entered into a devotional sex lifestyle and it was beyond fantastic. We both became more of who we truly are. While the sex was incredible we grew even more passionately and intimately connected. She was my Queen and I was her knight.

    Thank you for your blog. I will keep reading and learning. My wife's body image issue flared up badly the other day and she told me she no longer wanted to be my Queen or have me as her knight. Much soul searching to be done and hopefully we can get back to the devotional lifestyle