After last weekend, Barry and I have had several long discussions. I pushed to have them because Barry doesn't talk much unless I force the issue. So, I pushed, he talked, I listened, and I shared. I have also given a lot of thought to what I heard. It has become clear (again) to me that Barry has a very submissive and kinky nature and craves for me to be dominant in our sexual relationship. I had learned that before, but lost it during the past year when my focus was on caring for my mother. It has become even more clear in the past few days. Since I became dominant with him in the past, he has now been more willing to share his true feelings and needs. We talked a lot about his sexual interests and what, he feels, are his needs. I have shared with him that I'm not sure I can be as dominant or as kinky as he would like. However, I love this man ... and am going to try. We also talked about some of my needs and desires; and he is willing to try to meet them. Given his desires, if I am dominant, I can assure that he will meet my needs. I have slowly learned the power that I possess as a female in this relationship. It is not my nature to use that type of power, but that is clearly what Barry wants me to do.
So, we are continuing to move forward again. I feel good about it, but also question whether I can ever meet his needs to be dominated. One thing is very clear to me at the moment, which is that it was a good decision to lock him up in chastity, but a bad decision to tell him that I wanted to meet all of his desires for orgasm. So, things have changed. He is locked up, but I will control if, when, and how he experiences an orgasm. He clearly expressed that he wants and needs me to take that control. So ... here we go! From what I have read, it seems like it is beneficial to limit when and how he orgasms.
During the past year when we were separated a lot, he had complete freedom with the internet and he downloaded a lot of photos and videos. That has now changed! However, I have also decided that I need to spend some time reviewing what he downloaded and attempt to understand his interests. I'm not sure where that will lead, but we are where we are. We begin a another journey together.