Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Changes in the Bedroom

In a comment he posted to my last post Michael from Devotional Sex asked:  What I would be interested to find out more about, if Susan is willing to share, is how Devotional Sex has changed the activities and feel of what happens when you are together. What new things are starting to become your new normal? etc

I think the biggest change in our bedroom is the fact that sexual activities are now about both of us and not just Barry.  Prior to our discovering the Devotional Sex concept, he was more dominant with respect to how we approached sex than I was.  It was almost always intercourse and he always experienced an orgasm, while I seldom did.  Now that I set the activity, tempo, and end result, our activities are much more varied and definitely more satisfying to me.  It has taken Barry some time to adapt, but I feel like he is now also enjoying it even when he doesn't have an orgasm.  Since Barry has quite a submissive side to his personality, he actually likes me being more in control.  Interestingly, we have added a greater variety of kink to our activities than we enjoyed before.  Previously, Barry directed the type of kink we tried.  Now, I play a role in it as well.  During the past two years I have discovered that I enjoy some aspects of kinky activity as much or more than Barry.

I continue to realize that we are not really experiencing the full DS concept.  However, I feel like we are taking the best of all worlds.  Given Barry's submissiveness, being my Knight and serving his Princess is a natural fit for him.  He now takes great pride AND pleasure in making sure I am sexually satisfied.  I also take pride and pleasure in being able to mix things up with him and have us each perform in a way that is very comfortable and satisfying to me.

With respect to the kink aspects of our play, I have come to heavily utilize the "Suggest" and "Choose" commands.  "Suggest" allows Barry to have some input, but not control; and it allows me to learn what really excites him.  That way, if I choose to do so, I can provide him with very meaningful pleasure.  "Choose" also allows me to create some excitement when I wish to do so.  For example, I know that there are a couple of things that Barry 'loves to hate':  i.e. post orgasm stimulation and consuming his own cum.  The thoughts of each arouse him.  However, once he has climaxed he hates them both.  So, if Barry suggests something that I know he loves, such as a receiving oral sex or taking me doggy style, I might then tell him that I agree to do it, but that he must choose between the post orgasm stimulation or cum consumption when we finish; or he can choose for us to not do what he suggested.

Another change is the role that spanking plays in our life.  It was originally primarily used as punishment for Barry, especially with respect to masturbation and disrespecting me.  At Michael's suggestion, I have used rewards as an effective way to deal with the masturbation addiction; and the disrespectful behavior has all but disappeared as Barry has assumed the role of my Knight.  Now, spanking is used as an erotic tool.  We spank each other in a way that keeps us aroused and stimulated and we each really enjoy being on the receiving or giving end.  Only occasionally has spanking been used as discipline in the past two months.  Since it was such an integral part of our sexual journey for the past two years I will attempt to share more about spanking in a separate post.



  1. I am very interested in how devotional sex is working for you as I feel that it would be very fitting for my wife and I.
    We have been spanking for fun for many years, birthday spanking, spanking during sex, but it has never been for punishment or discipline. There hasn't been much need for it and I enjoy it too much to be a punishment.
    I like it more than my wife does, but we do like to switch.
    We have been enjoying the benefits of orgasm control for me with prolonged tease and denial. More orgasms for her and a Knight to serve her.
    Looking forward to hearing more about your devotional sex.


  2. Thanks for this update Susan.

    As far as what I've seen written about, you and Barry are exploring new territory. It's only of academic interest to try to define exactly where you are, but I think Devotional Sex has changed what you and Barry do and how it feels to such an extent that I would be happy to describe your dynamic as very kinky Devotional Sex.

    Making Barry responsible for the chastity device and him not wearing it most of the time you are together is a huge difference from what usually happens in the chastity world. Perhaps Barry still thinks of this as modified chastity, but it seem to me that for you it is Devotional Sex which keeps Barry happy.

    Princess Sarah wrote on my forum that before Devotional Sex she felt that if she did any of her husbands kinky fantasies they would be his fantasies, and that if she asked for any of her fantasies then he would take them over, and as a result she drew back from kink. But with Devotional Sex as she felt in control she suddenly enjoyed doing her version of his fantasies and her own fantasies.

    It seems that you have had the same experience - by feeling genuinely in control of kinky activities more kinky is happening. And not only is this really great for you, but of course Barry is enjoying more kink as a result.

    How your vanilla sex has changed is also my experience. With 'normal' sex intercourse tends to happen almost every session. With Devotional Sex it tends to happen only about half the time (but as there can be lots more sessions the amount of intercourse may even increase). I think I'm the only person writing that women don't want intercourse every time they want sexual activity.

    I very much look forward to the next update.

  3. Amazing....I can't wait to read about your thoughts on spanking.

  4. I do like this blog. Susan seems so nice and understanding but also brave and adventurous. I have taught my wife to use the paddle and she is comfortable with it, but we are way within the boundaries that Susan keeps.

    The biggest encouragement I find is that you like to do it. Sounds so like paradise to me I wonder if you are real sometimes.