Sunday, October 6, 2013

Allowing our Relationship Grow

It has been almost a month since I last posted, which has been intentional on my part.  After my last post I came to the realization that I was spending too much time thinking about and trying to move our relationship closer to a pure Devotional Sex lifestyle.  All of a sudden it dawned on me that it would be more beneficial to just allow our relationship to grow in whatever way made the most sense to both Barry and me.  It is not that DS wasn't working.  It was.  However, other aspects of our relationship (spanking, Barry's submissive needs, and exploring mutually agreed upon kink) also are a big part of who we have become as a couple.  I found myself trying to minimize the latter in pursuit of DS.  It all came together when Barry started reverting to some previously corrected bad behavior (overtly ogling other women in my presence).  When I realized that he was doing it solely to get me to spank him because he needs that in our relationship I woke up.

So, I decided to back off being so analytical and posting so much .... and just let our relationship take a natural course for a few weeks.  That has proven to be a good decision because it has allowed me to be more in tune with Barry's wishes and needs, as well as more effective in sharing mine with him.

After almost a month, I am finding us moving into a blended concept of DS with our other needs and desires.  I guess if you label a full fledged female dominant relationship as Fm (capital F to represent the fully dominant woman and lower case m to indicate the fully submissive male), and you label a DS relationship as fm (italicized f for the Princess who is special, but not dominant and lower case m for the equal, but devoted male), then I would label our relationship as fm (bold and italicized f for the special but somewhat dominant female and lower case m for the submissive male).  That is where Barry and I seem to be at this time.  We practice many aspects of Devotional Sex.  However, I also recognize and fulfill Barry's submissive nature by being appropriately dominant and/or controlling.  And, we each recognize our desires to explore and enjoy kinky activities that are mutually agreeable.

So, I anticipate that we will continue move forward in that regard.  I also plan to stop analyzing everything we do and to stop trying to label our relationship.  It is more important for us to just find what mutually works for each of us.



  1. Communications is far better for advancement than analyzing. Continue to take charge in any way that works for the both of you. However, in the end, you are the superior. barry recognized that fact.

  2. As people are unique creatures, their relations will be unique too.
    I think analyzing is great when used to improve your own unique relation
    in stead of trying to convert it to what is according to others ultimate and ideal.


  3. You are amazing, good luck with your thought process.

  4. I love the wisdom on your blog. :)

  5. Labeling is only useful as it provides a way to tell others where you are.

    So defining the location of New York and of Boston enables you to tell people where you are, even if you end up telling them that you are close to New York but a bit north in the direction of Boston.

    Similarly defining femdom and Devotional Sex don't tell you what to do, but good definitions help you tell others what you do.

    If you want to do what is best for you both then I think some analysis and effort to learn new things is needed. But this is only to help you both find what works best for you both, and the main thing is to have fun.

    So just like skiing, you need to put some work in to learn the basics. And once you have the basics, you will need to occasionally analyse and practice, but most of the time you will just ski to have fun.

    It's now been over a month since your last update, so I'm very keen to find out what has happened.

    Happy exploring, Michael

  6. I don't think you are superior though. None of us are. Flattering like that is dangerous. We all need humility. Liking to be spanked doesn't mean that we don't try to live in truth.

  7. I love the Devotional Sex concept. It's one of my favorite websites. I used to wonder why that was but have come to the conclusion that I love it because of it incredibly tender side. I am huge softie. I will often get what I call "love boners" and actually get hard thinking about how much in love with my wife that I am.

    I also believe that in addition to the tenderness and genuine love, there is an acknowledged roles of Dominance and submission that is necessary. Once I was able to come to grips with what I thought our FLM i9ght look like, I also had to feel confident that it was something that my beloved wife would also find useful in our loving marriage. I was desperate and willing to offer the gift of my submission, the ownership of my sex and to ask my wife to assume the role of training me to be the husband, father and sex partner that she wanted.

    At no time did I ever do so with the concept that my wife (or women in general) were superior to me, in general. I don't believe that they are. Instead I asked my wife to take on that role. I, in turn agree to provide her with my commitment to a never ending submission to service to her.

    One of the things that I am so grateful for is that My Mistress K. very much agrees that it is best to just allow things to develop as they will naturally and not at be worried about whether or not we are "falling in line"

    Awesome post!