Sunday, September 8, 2013

Mixing Chastity Control and Devotional Sex

It's been an interesting two weeks since I last posted and a lot has happened with respect to how Barry and I work together with respect to Devotional Sex (DS). It is a concept that we each embrace and find to be helpful in our relationship.

My main efforts during the first of the past two weeks were to continue trying to find a way to remove the need for Barry to wear his chastity device.  I had already implemented the first step, which was to not have Barry wear his device when we were together and that worked well.  The next step was for Barry to gain confidence and to me gain trust in his not needing the device when he went to work or when I was not around at home. I approached that challenge using suggestions from Michael at I provided lots of incentive to Barry to be able to want to give up the device in order to continue enjoying things he loves.

We were making progress and Barry went to work several days without his device.  I was also absent while Barry was home alone a week ago without his device.  That was not a good experience for him.  He couldn't deal with it.  He even called my on my cell phone at one point while he was masturbating.

When I arrived home, we had a long conversation.  What really hit home to me was when he asked me "Why do you feel I shouldn't have my device to help me?"  That made me realize that I was trying to achieve what I think of  as "pure" DS ... which means no chastity device.  It hit home even more when Barry told me that he likes to wear his device.  He explained that, to him, it is a symbol of his devotion to me.  It is a 'mark' that he wears to remind him of his devotion to me ... and it helps him maintain that devotion.  He also admitted that he needs the device to maintain that devotion, especially when he is 'home alone'.

So, what we came up with is a very modified version of DS and how we treat the use of the chastity device.  The use of the chastity device is Barry's responsibility.  I don't keep the key.  He does.  He puts the device on when he feels he needs it or wants it.  If he does so when he goes to work, he leaves the key on his dresser.  However, at my request, when he wears the device while at home when I am away, he leaves the key in my lingerie drawer.  That way, if he considers removing it, he has to think of me even more as he retrieves the key.  He really liked that idea.

At this point it seems to be working.

We continue to grow together, as we listen to each other.  Since we are not 'spring chickens', this seems very important to me.



  1. I think that the two of you came up with an excellent idea!!

    More power to you and ESPECIALLY Barry!!

  2. In my practice of Devotional Sex I've always been allowed to masturbate when my partner has not been with me but when I do this I'm committed to not ejaculating.

    Most of the content on the internet with the female having erotic power is about male fantasy and desire. It is her inflicting his fantasy upon him.

    With Devotional Sex there are lots of times when the couple are in bed and the man is very aroused and his Princess enjoys cuddling him and enjoys his energy but nothing further happens.

    What I've found is that this builds up incredible confidence in a Princess that she really is in charge, and this makes it very easy for them to just brush of all the kinky ideas I have which they are not interested in.

    All my partners have been generous giving people - and I've always felt that I am benefiting from being their Knight as much as they are enjoying being my Princess. But my enjoyment does not include those kinks that my Princess does not want to do.

    This update shows two things working perfectly:

    Firstly Susan is leaving behind the kinks that don't interest her - it is becoming THEIR fantasy made real not his fantasy made real.

    Secondly Susan isn't selfishly dominating Barry but is understanding his desires and needs and has come up with a very good compromise.

    What I would be interested to find out more about, if Susan is willing to share, is how Devotional Sex has changed the activities and feel of what happens when you are together. What new things are starting to become your new normal? etc

    Thanks for this update Susan, and I look forward to the next.