Learning as We Go

During the past week, I finally realized that Barry and I needed to have a serious discussion and that he needed to make some significant changes with respect to his performance in the bedroom.  Since we became more active again during the past month or so, and since I have been using his chastity device to keep him from self-pleasuring, his ability to provide me with the physical pleasure I crave and need has significantly diminished.  When we first started this new way of life over a year ago, we were each striving for ways to please each other.  It was wonderful!  I love finding new ways to tease and please him, but I also need to be fulfilled.  And, recently that has not been happening very often.

During the past month,his suggestions for new things to do together always seemed to focus on his pleasure.  To make matters worse, since he has been in chastity, he is very quickly arroused and reaches an orgasm much too quickly to meet my needs.  Gone are the days when I can ride him and control his ability to orgasm to meet my needs.  Consequently, we seem to be back to the days of a quick love-making session which leaves him fulfulled and me frustrated.

Because of all of this, I've been exploring new blogs on my own.  In the past I only did this while monitoring Barry.  I now realize that most of what I had been reading with him was written from the male perspective.  I really didn't take enough time to explore things on my own.  I recently discovered  suzanne-allmine.blogspot.com, which is written by a woman about my age who has clearly taken charge of her own sexual needs.  She is married to a younger submissive man, but also has a lover who possesses what she refers to as a "Trophy Cock" (TC).  Both men are bisexual, which makes things even more confusing to me.  Her relationship is not what I am seekeing.  However, what I have learned from reading her blog is that she has taken charge of things and makes sure her needs are met.  She has helped me realize that I need to find a way to do the same thing in a way that makes sense for me.

I now realize that I made the mistake of constantly trying to please Barry, assuming that he would do the same for me.  At times he did.  However, I am slowly learning that men don't always do that. So, I am now determined to really take control.  I want to continue to please my #1 guy, but also make sure he pleases me.

So, Barry and I had a significant 'heart to heart' talk last night.  I think he understood my needs and concerns.  Most importantly, he agreed to what I proposed, which was the following:

• I will be in charge of our sexual relationship
• His responsibility is to insure that I am sexually pleased
• His sexual pleasure will only occur after I am appropriately satisfied
• We will each strive to find new ways to pleasure each other
• He will wear his chastity device whenever I want him to do so
• We will continue to openly discuss our sexual needs and strive to find ways to mutually meet them
• We each will strive to getting to a point where we can orgasm together, but that will take more work and discussion.

After our discussion and agreement, I locked Barry in his chastity device.  I shared with him that he will not be released from it until he provides me with an orgasm.  When that occurs, he will be released and I will make sure he achieves orgasm. 

Susan