I want to express my appreciation for the responses to my last post. I really appreciate the caring and support that Barry and I receive. We continue to work through this and we are open to new ideas. Tri-mix definitely falls into the category of new ideas for us; and we will explore it. However, I'm not sure we will explore it through a gyn doctor. I'm not sure why the anonymous comment made that suggestion as a source. Perhaps more could be shared to help us understand.
We have been and continue to work with more direct physical support. We are currently using the Ride-on dildo that slips over Barry's penis when I have a desire to be penetrated. It works well when Barry can achieve some level of erection. It also makes him feel good about being able to penetrate me. However, I have to confess that I used to joke about it being my trophy cock. It no longer feels that way, because I miss the realness of Barry's penis. It's not the same and I miss that realness of his erection within me. However, it is still wonderful.
What is more wonderful is Barry's desire to please me with his mouth and his hands. Those skills were already developed as we moved into the realm of devotional sex. I am also now learning how to develop new devotional sex skills to please Barry. It is a wonderful equalizing gift. It also makes each of us more fully appreciate the concept of devotional sex. We each want to please each other. And we each need to find new ways to do so. The good news is that we are each doing that.
Thank you, my friends, for your understanding and support. As or lives change,understanding, caring, and support is important.
Susan
Thursday, August 20, 2015
Tuesday, August 18, 2015
Adjusting to a Life with Erectile Dysfunction
ED is something that Barry and I are learning to live with. It is also something that we each agree we should share in this blog, because we know we are not alone in this journey. However, it is something that most couples aren't comfortable talking about. I'm extremely proud of Barry for being supportive of us talking about what it is and how we deal with it. We each feel it is important to share.
The most important thing that we have learned is that ED can be a precursor sign of higher risk for a heart attack. We wish we knew that before Barry experienced his heart attack over a year ago. He had been periodically experiencing ED prior to that and had discussed it with his primary care physician. However, the physician never mentioned that this could be a preliminary sign of heart issues. So if your lover is experiencing ED, please be alert to other possible indicators or risk factors with respect to heart disease. That is probably the most important thing I can share. We were lucky. Barry had a heart attack and is still here!
What is ED?
I'm sure the specific symptoms can vary between different males. However, for Barry, it has involved difficulty in achieving a firm erection and the inability to sustain a firm erection for any significant period of time. He still has sexual urges and desires. He can still ejaculate (although it usually requires significant and prolonged stimulation). However, he frequently can not achieve or maintain an erection of sufficient firmness to penetrate and stimulate me for more than a moment or so. That is particularly frustrating to him, and also to me.
So, how do you deal with ED?
The answer to this question is an ongoing process for us. I don't think there are any hard and fast answers. We've had to find our own path, and we are continuing to learn new things. I'm very thankful that we had previously learned about "devotional sex" and practiced some aspects of it. That has helped us be more attuned to wanting to please each other. That has also allowed us to be more open to exploring different ways to please each other that do not involve Barry penetrating me. In fact, prior to the ED issue, Barry became quite adept at providing me with an orgasm without penetrating me. I've had a bit of a higher learning curve with respect to finding appropriate ways to please him, but I'm getting there.
In many ways, it is beautiful that we've had to adapt and find new ways to please each other. We each realize that providing that pleasure is the most important aspect of a sexual relationship. And, we are each committed to doing that. We have learned that sexual pleasure can come from many different types of loving acts, and it doesn't have to be limited to what we have always done before.
In some future posts, I will try to share some of what we have learned. I'm not yet clear how detailed we are willing to get. However, I will do my best to share some meaningful information.
I hope that others can benefit from what Barry and I are experiencing.
Susan
The most important thing that we have learned is that ED can be a precursor sign of higher risk for a heart attack. We wish we knew that before Barry experienced his heart attack over a year ago. He had been periodically experiencing ED prior to that and had discussed it with his primary care physician. However, the physician never mentioned that this could be a preliminary sign of heart issues. So if your lover is experiencing ED, please be alert to other possible indicators or risk factors with respect to heart disease. That is probably the most important thing I can share. We were lucky. Barry had a heart attack and is still here!
What is ED?
I'm sure the specific symptoms can vary between different males. However, for Barry, it has involved difficulty in achieving a firm erection and the inability to sustain a firm erection for any significant period of time. He still has sexual urges and desires. He can still ejaculate (although it usually requires significant and prolonged stimulation). However, he frequently can not achieve or maintain an erection of sufficient firmness to penetrate and stimulate me for more than a moment or so. That is particularly frustrating to him, and also to me.
So, how do you deal with ED?
The answer to this question is an ongoing process for us. I don't think there are any hard and fast answers. We've had to find our own path, and we are continuing to learn new things. I'm very thankful that we had previously learned about "devotional sex" and practiced some aspects of it. That has helped us be more attuned to wanting to please each other. That has also allowed us to be more open to exploring different ways to please each other that do not involve Barry penetrating me. In fact, prior to the ED issue, Barry became quite adept at providing me with an orgasm without penetrating me. I've had a bit of a higher learning curve with respect to finding appropriate ways to please him, but I'm getting there.
In many ways, it is beautiful that we've had to adapt and find new ways to please each other. We each realize that providing that pleasure is the most important aspect of a sexual relationship. And, we are each committed to doing that. We have learned that sexual pleasure can come from many different types of loving acts, and it doesn't have to be limited to what we have always done before.
In some future posts, I will try to share some of what we have learned. I'm not yet clear how detailed we are willing to get. However, I will do my best to share some meaningful information.
I hope that others can benefit from what Barry and I are experiencing.
Susan
Thursday, August 13, 2015
A Challenging Summer
I want to begin by expressing my appreciation to those of you who submitted comments or sent emails to me indicating that you missed us and hoped we were OK. I can't begin to adequately share how meaningful they were.
It's been a tough spring and summer for Barry and me, but we are fine. Shortly after my last post, we learned that Barry was still having some heart issues. Fortunately, he didn't have another heart attack, because we acted promptly. However, he did end up with two more stents being installed. Since then, my complete focus has been on his rehab and working to learn and do all we can to help prevent another episode. Consequently, my heart and mind have not been on posting. I'm just now beginning to realize how much I miss it. And, I want to apologize for not at least posting something to share what was going on in our lives.
This recent heart event, along with some additional medications that Barry is taking, has created another surprise in our lives ... erectile dysfunction. Barry had previously experienced it on occasion. However, after this heart event, it came on with a vengeance. We have learned that it is pretty common with heart situations. Needless to say, it is frustrating to both of us, but especially for Barry. However, we have been learning how to work with it. I don't want to go into more detail right now, but will try to share more in subsequent posts.
Susan
It's been a tough spring and summer for Barry and me, but we are fine. Shortly after my last post, we learned that Barry was still having some heart issues. Fortunately, he didn't have another heart attack, because we acted promptly. However, he did end up with two more stents being installed. Since then, my complete focus has been on his rehab and working to learn and do all we can to help prevent another episode. Consequently, my heart and mind have not been on posting. I'm just now beginning to realize how much I miss it. And, I want to apologize for not at least posting something to share what was going on in our lives.
This recent heart event, along with some additional medications that Barry is taking, has created another surprise in our lives ... erectile dysfunction. Barry had previously experienced it on occasion. However, after this heart event, it came on with a vengeance. We have learned that it is pretty common with heart situations. Needless to say, it is frustrating to both of us, but especially for Barry. However, we have been learning how to work with it. I don't want to go into more detail right now, but will try to share more in subsequent posts.
Susan
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