Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Getting My Attention

During my last post I alluded to Barry reverting to some previously dealt with unacceptable behavior in order to get my attention.  This behavior occurred last Friday night when we went out to dinner at a restaurant we hadn't tried since we moved to the mid-West.  Early in our spanking journey Barry had the habit of overtly staring at the breasts or (especially) bottoms of attractive waitresses.  A few very severe spankings seemed to correct his desire to do this.  Also, since we began practicing Devotional Sex, my sexual teasing of him before we go out and usually not wearing panties on these occasions kept his attention focused on me.

Consequently, since he was quite horny for me when we left for dinner that night, I was very surprised to see his focus of attention be directed so intensely on the bottom of the hostess in the restaurant.  When we were seated, he took the seat with the best view of the restaurant (he normally offers it to me).  He then proceeded to ogle the young woman every time she walked through the restaurant to seat parties.

I light heartedly reminded him with an expression I had previously used .... "If your eyes stray, your bottom will pay".  That didn't seem to phase him.  So, on the way out of the restaurant, as we walked by the hostess station, I commented to Barry in a voice loud enough for her to hear "Since you couldn't keep your eyes off the hostess' bottom tonight, when we get home your's is going to be spanked so hard that you won't enjoy sitting down tomorrow.

During the drive home we had a lengthy discussion about Barry's behavior and how surprised I was by it.  I slowly learned from him that he was just trying to get my attention and give me a reason to give him a good spanking.  He expressed his periodic need for a good sound spanking, but did admit that he preferred it not to be as hard as some of the worst ones I have previously given him.

Well, when we arrived home, I don't think I failed to disappoint him.  I spanked him not for staring at the hostess' bottom, but for not openly sharing his sexual needs with me.  The end result was a very red and sore bottom.  However, since it was administered relatively slowly, it did not result in tears or significant bruising.  And, afterwards, our devotional time was intense and resulted in Barry being allowed to climax.

In the future, I hope that neither one of us as to resort to such extreme measures to get the other's attention about our sexual needs.

Susan

Sunday, October 6, 2013

Allowing our Relationship Grow

It has been almost a month since I last posted, which has been intentional on my part.  After my last post I came to the realization that I was spending too much time thinking about and trying to move our relationship closer to a pure Devotional Sex lifestyle.  All of a sudden it dawned on me that it would be more beneficial to just allow our relationship to grow in whatever way made the most sense to both Barry and me.  It is not that DS wasn't working.  It was.  However, other aspects of our relationship (spanking, Barry's submissive needs, and exploring mutually agreed upon kink) also are a big part of who we have become as a couple.  I found myself trying to minimize the latter in pursuit of DS.  It all came together when Barry started reverting to some previously corrected bad behavior (overtly ogling other women in my presence).  When I realized that he was doing it solely to get me to spank him because he needs that in our relationship I woke up.

So, I decided to back off being so analytical and posting so much .... and just let our relationship take a natural course for a few weeks.  That has proven to be a good decision because it has allowed me to be more in tune with Barry's wishes and needs, as well as more effective in sharing mine with him.

After almost a month, I am finding us moving into a blended concept of DS with our other needs and desires.  I guess if you label a full fledged female dominant relationship as Fm (capital F to represent the fully dominant woman and lower case m to indicate the fully submissive male), and you label a DS relationship as fm (italicized f for the Princess who is special, but not dominant and lower case m for the equal, but devoted male), then I would label our relationship as fm (bold and italicized f for the special but somewhat dominant female and lower case m for the submissive male).  That is where Barry and I seem to be at this time.  We practice many aspects of Devotional Sex.  However, I also recognize and fulfill Barry's submissive nature by being appropriately dominant and/or controlling.  And, we each recognize our desires to explore and enjoy kinky activities that are mutually agreeable.

So, I anticipate that we will continue move forward in that regard.  I also plan to stop analyzing everything we do and to stop trying to label our relationship.  It is more important for us to just find what mutually works for each of us.

Susan