Changes in the Bedroom

In a comment he posted to my last post Michael from Devotional Sex asked:  What I would be interested to find out more about, if Susan is willing to share, is how Devotional Sex has changed the activities and feel of what happens when you are together. What new things are starting to become your new normal? etc

I think the biggest change in our bedroom is the fact that sexual activities are now about both of us and not just Barry.  Prior to our discovering the Devotional Sex concept, he was more dominant with respect to how we approached sex than I was.  It was almost always intercourse and he always experienced an orgasm, while I seldom did.  Now that I set the activity, tempo, and end result, our activities are much more varied and definitely more satisfying to me.  It has taken Barry some time to adapt, but I feel like he is now also enjoying it even when he doesn't have an orgasm.  Since Barry has quite a submissive side to his personality, he actually likes me being more in control.  Interestingly, we have added a greater variety of kink to our activities than we enjoyed before.  Previously, Barry directed the type of kink we tried.  Now, I play a role in it as well.  During the past two years I have discovered that I enjoy some aspects of kinky activity as much or more than Barry.

I continue to realize that we are not really experiencing the full DS concept.  However, I feel like we are taking the best of all worlds.  Given Barry's submissiveness, being my Knight and serving his Princess is a natural fit for him.  He now takes great pride AND pleasure in making sure I am sexually satisfied.  I also take pride and pleasure in being able to mix things up with him and have us each perform in a way that is very comfortable and satisfying to me.

With respect to the kink aspects of our play, I have come to heavily utilize the "Suggest" and "Choose" commands.  "Suggest" allows Barry to have some input, but not control; and it allows me to learn what really excites him.  That way, if I choose to do so, I can provide him with very meaningful pleasure.  "Choose" also allows me to create some excitement when I wish to do so.  For example, I know that there are a couple of things that Barry 'loves to hate':  i.e. post orgasm stimulation and consuming his own cum.  The thoughts of each arouse him.  However, once he has climaxed he hates them both.  So, if Barry suggests something that I know he loves, such as a receiving oral sex or taking me doggy style, I might then tell him that I agree to do it, but that he must choose between the post orgasm stimulation or cum consumption when we finish; or he can choose for us to not do what he suggested.

Another change is the role that spanking plays in our life.  It was originally primarily used as punishment for Barry, especially with respect to masturbation and disrespecting me.  At Michael's suggestion, I have used rewards as an effective way to deal with the masturbation addiction; and the disrespectful behavior has all but disappeared as Barry has assumed the role of my Knight.  Now, spanking is used as an erotic tool.  We spank each other in a way that keeps us aroused and stimulated and we each really enjoy being on the receiving or giving end.  Only occasionally has spanking been used as discipline in the past two months.  Since it was such an integral part of our sexual journey for the past two years I will attempt to share more about spanking in a separate post.

Susan

Mixing Chastity Control and Devotional Sex

It's been an interesting two weeks since I last posted and a lot has happened with respect to how Barry and I work together with respect to Devotional Sex (DS). It is a concept that we each embrace and find to be helpful in our relationship.

My main efforts during the first of the past two weeks were to continue trying to find a way to remove the need for Barry to wear his chastity device.  I had already implemented the first step, which was to not have Barry wear his device when we were together and that worked well.  The next step was for Barry to gain confidence and to me gain trust in his not needing the device when he went to work or when I was not around at home. I approached that challenge using suggestions from Michael at DevotionalSex.com. I provided lots of incentive to Barry to be able to want to give up the device in order to continue enjoying things he loves.

We were making progress and Barry went to work several days without his device.  I was also absent while Barry was home alone a week ago without his device.  That was not a good experience for him.  He couldn't deal with it.  He even called my on my cell phone at one point while he was masturbating.

When I arrived home, we had a long conversation.  What really hit home to me was when he asked me "Why do you feel I shouldn't have my device to help me?"  That made me realize that I was trying to achieve what I think of  as "pure" DS ... which means no chastity device.  It hit home even more when Barry told me that he likes to wear his device.  He explained that, to him, it is a symbol of his devotion to me.  It is a 'mark' that he wears to remind him of his devotion to me ... and it helps him maintain that devotion.  He also admitted that he needs the device to maintain that devotion, especially when he is 'home alone'.

So, what we came up with is a very modified version of DS and how we treat the use of the chastity device.  The use of the chastity device is Barry's responsibility.  I don't keep the key.  He does.  He puts the device on when he feels he needs it or wants it.  If he does so when he goes to work, he leaves the key on his dresser.  However, at my request, when he wears the device while at home when I am away, he leaves the key in my lingerie drawer.  That way, if he considers removing it, he has to think of me even more as he retrieves the key.  He really liked that idea.

At this point it seems to be working.

We continue to grow together, as we listen to each other.  Since we are not 'spring chickens', this seems very important to me.

Susan