Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Where is the Dom/sub Dynamic

The first comment I received from my initial post contained the following two questions:

- You spank each other?
- Where is the dom sub dynamic in this?

I thought they were a good pair of questions, so it will be the topic of this post.

Yes, we do spank each other, but in very different ways. The spankings that Susan allows me to give her are purely erotic and are for enjoyment only. They are light, with my hand, and have lots of rubbing and light touching intermixed. Her bottom colors easily, so it does get pink. But her reactions during these spankings are pleasure and there is never any unwanted pain involved. It is all erotic for her.

Susan spanks me in two very different ways. One we call "Fun" spankings and the other we call "Punishment". I enjoy the first type, even though it often contains some pretty hard spanking and a significant level of pain. She starts them with a warm-up period, which allows me to enjoy them more. I can then tolerate a fair amount and I am usually still arroused at the end of the "Fun" spankings.

The "Punishment" spankings are a very different matter. When she punishes, Susan means business. I may begin in a state of arrousal, but she doesnt provide any warm-up. Because of that it normally only takes 10 to 12 hard swats before my arrousal twindles. When she is done, I am hanging on for dear life.

As far as the dom/sub dynamic goes, since we began this life style, Susan has taken charge of a number of things in my life:
  • I can't surf any porn sites on the PC without her being present.
  • I can't masturbate unless she requests me to do so.
  • She controls if, when, and how I cum when we have sex. Most times I am on my back on the bed with my hands and feet secured to the bed post. This leaves me completely exposed and submissive to anything she wants to do. It allows her to sexually tease me for long periods of time, afterwhich I may or may not get to cum. It also allows her easy access to present herself for oral pleasure.

I guess our dom/sub dynamic is not the typical one that people who are heavily involved in dominance enjoy. But, Susan exerts a great deal of dominance with respect to our sexual activities. And, I love every minute of it. I wish we had begun doing this many years ago.

The only part I don't enjoy are the heavy punishment spankings. I used to fantasize about them. But I have now learned how different fantasy is from reality. The worst type is when she decides that I must cum before she spanks me. That takes away all sexual feelings and the spankings hurt much more. Fortunately, she has only done that a few times when I really upset her.

I hope this helps explain a bit more about our sexual relationship from my point of view.



  1. Barry, I just wonder if you have a safeword to use during punishments. Surely she DOES NOT go overboard to the point of "torturing" you! And did you say that she punishes you when she is upset?? How safe is that? (lol)

    Thanks for your response!


  2. No safe word for the punishment or maintenance spankings my Wife administers to me...it's purely up to Her discretion as to what severity fits the moment...otherwise...i wouldn't really be getting punished if i could stop Her when i wanted...now would i?

  3. Thank you much for the explanations. Hopefully, punishment is not often..

  4. senorrosed4: Everyithing that Susan and I do is consensual. That is what marriage means to us. She does not go overboard. And, I don't believe she could ever do anything that approaches the level of "torture" to me. It took her a long time to just learn how to give me a sound spanking. And, she didn't punish me when she was upset. However, she has punished me because she was upset with my behavior. There is a huge difference.

    I apologize if I sound abrupt, but I am a bit protective of my special lady, who is a kind and gentle person who has slowly learned to adapt to my kinky world.

    I guess I now need to ask Susan if this response to a comment consitutes a "post"? I hope so. That would mean I have two posts this month.

  5. Barry, you mentioned you didn't think your dynamic is "typical" for people in our lifestyle. Please, never never worry about such a thing. What you and Miss Susan have: isn't vastly different from what most of us have, from your description is loving and powerful beyond what many have, will enhance your relationship immeasureably as time goes on, and - yes - parts of it aren't "fun" and not quite as erotic as your fantasies (but it's well worth it, you'll learn from it, and most important it works for Her...and that's after all why you and I live on this end of the leash)

  6. I think what you both do in terms of spanking each other is great if that's what you like. Labels are unimportant, enjoying and being fulfilled by the the experience is paramount ! Keep on keeping on.


  7. Barry and Susan, I certainly did not mean to offend either one of you! Thanks for your kind and honest reply! It is just that SOME vids and SOME blogs do SEEM to present female dominants as REALLY being sadistic, overly domineering, and insufferable to their partners. I am really glad that this doesn't even closely resemble your relationship!!

    Now I can continue to enjoy reading your blogs faithfully!!


  8. Barry- thank you for your posts. I like learning more of Susan's techniques when it is Her time to control you. Great blog, you two! Thanks!

  9. It is quote common for a wife to spank her husband. Mine does it all the time. We have not however entered any discipline arrangement so the above problem does not arise. Any bad behaviour from me is realised as with hers. It is all part of adjusting to each other. I did try to spank her for quite a few months but it doesn't switch her on so the hairbrush belongs in her hand.